New Mother

  • hello, i'm a new mom of a 2 month old baby boy. I'm always open for advice but sometimes im uncomfortable...3 days after delivery i had an anxiety attack and had to return to the hospital. my doctor advised me to be around another mother who had more than one child for support. my husband's sister said it was okay to stay with her for a few days but while i was there all she did was tell me what i can't do with my son such as responding to him everytime he cries, comforting him when he needs comfort, and walking around with him when he wants to be held...she said she was the same with all her kids and they turned out fine and that i would just be spoiling him if i did those things. It's not just his sister telling me these things either it's more like his whole family. i personally don't believe in spoiling a baby because they need us as parents to be by their side when they need us to be....i don't know, i'm just real confused....can anybody help me out?

  • As a mother of 4, all I can tell you is to follow your heart and trust your gut. Being a mother and parenting is different for all of us. What I am comfortable doing may not be what is best for you. If you do things because you believe in them and they feel right for you, then you can rest assured knowing you are doing your best. I didn't believe in spoiling them either. I think that when they are small, you are trying to establish a trust between you two. Your baby needs to know that you will come when he needs you--even if that need is just to be held. Don't let others pressure you to do things that feel unnatural or uncomfortable. Trust yourself and your ability to be a great mom!

  • thanks a lot

     

  • Towns- It sounds like it's been a rough transition into motherhood. I think MommyRN4 has offered you some really good advice. I also want you to know that having emotions all over the place-depression, anxiety, having racing thoughts, feeling overwhelmed-are all normal, as your hormones work to reestablish a calm and baseline levels. Have some patience with yourself, be kind to yourself. Keep us posted, Jessica
  • I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. I've found that there is no issue like parenthood to cause people to give you their strong opinions. It seems there is always a right way and a wrong way to do everything - but it's different for everyone! I would encourage you to follow your heart. Little babies really do need to be held and nurtured. The whole "spoiling" issue is really just a matter of convenience for people to not have to hold their children all the time but babies are really wired to need cuddling and physical contact for the first year - and beyond! That first year is really important though. I would figure out what you want to say to anyone who admonishes you about it and stick to your guns. Something like, "Thanks for the advice, but I have decided this is what works for my family". Keep your head up and keep loving on your baby. :-)

  • Thanks a lot,  but im finding it hard to visit with my husbands family because his sisters are always yelling at me to put my baby down or when i respond to my baby cries and they talk about me to one another and to friends and its just really uncomfortable for me but my husband just ignors it

  • well you can say "I just love him to much to ignore him, and he's a baby, you can't spoil them with too much love." thats what I told my mom and that side of the family.  a am lucky enough that my boyfriend and his side of the family have been much more supportive in how we take care of our daughter. and if all else fails check out some parenting websites or ask your pediatrician. letting them "cry it out' all of the time is not healthy. sometimes though its alright. if you know they are fed, dry, and not hurt and you need a minute, let lil one cry, but if you dont want a min and you want to hold lil one and walk lil one, then do it. tell everyone else "its my baby and i'll raise em the way I see fit thank you very much." because its the truth, its your baby, raise em your way ^_^