Husband has no excitement about first baby...

  • I am 18 weeks pregnant with our first baby and we have been trying to get pregnant for years, but my husband is NOT excited in the slightest about our baby.  It hurts my feelings and makes me feel anxious about our future with our baby.  He says he's just nervous and anxious, but I don't understand it.  I'm feeling pretty depressed about it.  What can I do?  Can anyone help me understand his point of view?

  • There are a couple of reasons why your husband is not exhibiting excitement. For me, I was not as excited about my wife's pregnancy because I felt I needed to the the grounded one. Many of our friends had miscarriages, so I vowed to not get too low or too high depending on how the pregnancy went. Thankfully, she carried to term and had a healthy baby, but especially in the first trimester, I acted as if nothing had chanced.

    Even after birth, there have been a number of mothers who complain that their husbands don't show lots of enthusiasm. The first few months can be tough on the dads becuase there isn't much the baby gives back to the father. Moms who nurse have a bond that their kids can never get with Dad and until babies start to react to their Dad, many don't feel that connection.

    Certainly address this with your husband, but also try to be patient with him if you can. Deep down, he is as excited as you if not more. Good luck and I hope this helps!

     

  • I think that Answer Dad said it perfectly and I just wanted to let you know that many moms feel like you do. Even when the dads are excited, it is hard for anyone to really feel like you do when you are pregnant. I think pregnancy can make many women feel lonely because you feel like no one truly understands what you are going through or how you feel...especially your partner. When the baby comes he may feel differently, but everyone reacts to being a parent differently. Chances are he is just as excited as you are, but showing it very differently!

  • Answerdad and MommyRN did an awesome job of answering this post.  We are so lucky to have these two very valueable resources.  What I can offer is that I find it very helpful to be reflective and honest in conversations with loved ones.  You can certainly talk to him about how you are feeling.  I hope you can find some time to talk with him.  Perhaps offering him some reassurance will help a lot.

    Please do keep us posted and let us know if there is anything else the community can do to help.

    Sending hugs,

    Jess

  • I echo the other posters and just want to say that I'm here to support you and help you as you figure things out. When your husband says he is anxious and nervous, in his own way, I think he is saying that he actually cares quite a bit about what is happening and how things go with the baby. It's all very overwhelming and confusing for a lot of men - my husband had a lot of nerves and fear of the unknown. He absolutely fell in love with our son once he was born - hang in there...it'll work out. :-)

  • Thank you everyone for caring so much.  Yesterday, we had an ultrasound and found out we are having a girl.  My husband seems to be very excited about it.  Maybe he just needed to see the baby again, or maybe he feels more connected now that he knows the gender.  Either way, all your kind words were very helpful along the way, it's nice to hear someone else's perspective and I thank you all.  

  • my husband acted the same way he seemed like he didnt care, the second our so was born it all changed he spent more time with our son the first day of his life than I did (: he comes home and plays with him talks to him and gives him his midnight feeding I felt the same way but all ended well