Confused!!!

  • Well I will start you here.... I'm 28yrs old & I'm 27wks Pregnant with my 4th but the 1st to live.. I'm engaged to a man whom is not the father... he knows it anit his, I told him when I met him I was either pregnant or had a serious health problem from the last misscarriage I went threw...

    well some of my thoughts have ran wild cuz I'm 28 but he's 53yrs old, he's been down the road of have'n kids b-4, but I've never walked the road of being engaged to someone who's cancer may have came back & if so doc's r say 6mnths to a yr for me to have him in not juz my life but in my son's life...

    I'm trying real hard to understand but I've never had cancer 1st hand... I need help in how to make his Days better then ever... Cuz the way I see it--He can be happy & be a daddy again even if it is only for a little while...

    someone please help me so I can help him... I do I help him believe everything is ok, and that he need to take this all 1 day at a time???

    I already told him I would marry him & that's not gonna change juz because of his health...

  • just pretend you guys havent ever herd the news. just pretend the doc never said anything . , enjoy life as it comes and live it to the fullest ! :) im sure everything will be better if you just try to not think about it . and as for your baby congrats :)) and if he wants and you want him to be that babys father , just let things and feelings run wild . you will know if its rite or wrong . good luck best wishes , and i hope all goes well and my advise comes in handy .

  • Crying   It's so easy for me not to think about the cancer cuz it's not what I see 1st, but he juz won't stop being so negative about it. Sad

    He acts like I'm to blame, he get so up set & storms off from me over nothing... all I want to do is run away & cry... he won't listen to me now... he is so consumed by the thought of cancer he acts so mean to me... I truly think that he's not just jealous over my dogs & cats when I spend time with them,  I think he is mad at me over my baby also---but I told him in the begining I could be preg he didn't care or show opion until I decided to keep the baby.. but y should I have to lose both of them??

    I juz don't understand....

    thank you this will be my 1st & I'm thrilled it's my baby boy

  • There is no wonder you are confused... you are dealing with some serious unknowns that must drive you crazy. I agree with the previous post that you need to enjoy every day that you can. If a baby is part of that or if dealing with serious health problems are a part of that, then so be it. Continuing to communicate to online forums or trusted friends/families is a great step. I have a niece that has cancer and my sister has taken great comfort and strength in others who are coping with similar problems. I am sure that there is a support group for people who have a significant other with cancer. Maybe that is another source of strength you can draw upon. Good luck with everything and I hope this helps.

  • So sorry for the rough time you are having. It sounds like your boyfriend is really conflicted himself and not able to be super supportive for you right now. Just make sure you take care of yourself and that baby boy first and foremost. Perhaps with time your boyfriend will settle down but I imagine both of you are dealing with a lot of anxiety and pain. Any chance you could see a counselor? Hang in there - thinking of you...

  • crazy would be an understatement... I'm loseing my mind!!!I'm 28yrs old, and finally found a guy who treats me really good, who to some majior point excepts I'm pregnant... but he is 53yrs old... Age is juz a number... but Cancer is a real thing... I feel like I'm spinning... I juz met him 3mnths ago,  we're engaged, and he has cancer... seems like no matter what I'm bound to lose what I love....

    I'll have a son who won't have anytype of father figure... (sometimes that's not a bad thing, but Chuck would be a perfect friend & teacher for the little boy and he's gonna leave us.)

    On some levels I don't even think about it but he makes me think about it.... Y do I need to think about death 1 more time... I'm already a Memerial Day Baby--I celabrate death every year for my birthday y do I have to live with it daily??

    Some parts of me wishes I would've just stayed in my tent,

  • Cookie-

    You have a lot going on in your life, and every single thing tht you have going on right now is emotionally loaded.  So, no surprise that you are feeling so bad and confused.

    My first suggestion would be to figure out how you two can talk through this stuff in a manner that is positive and benefits both of you.  I think that you two would really benefit from having a therapist, minister or other neutral person there with you two so that they can redifect the conversation as needed.  They can also advocate for each of you as it's easier to see things when you are not in the middle of them.  

    I know that enjoying each day is very important, but will you be able to enjoy each day if you are both walking on pins and needles around each other?  

    I really think that opening up some conversations about how you can both support each other would really help.

    Please update and let us know how you are doing and how things are going.

    Hang in there,

    Jess

  • no, I don't get the whole deal of another person talking for each of us.. the best I can do is talk to my mom who's a paremedic.. I try to talk to him & let him know I'm here for him as a shoulder and a partner, I see us getting to have a lil bit of a future together & I see my son getting to meet him, but all he see's is the black cloud of death and cancer lingering over him...

    I don't get to relax ever, I miss my cig's everyday I want to smoke... I don't do drama or stress... And that's all I'm getting... he looks for thing to complain about when I juz don't care any more... His health is an issue to him not to me... I don't really care or mind Cancer... Cancer isn't Aids and I have no issue talking about it or even looking for info on it to help him... but he says things to me that hurt cause he makes it out to--I'm not with him fighting the fight for.. I'm nothing to him... but he wants me to show more commpassion---Sorry I can't, I can only show my feelings and lot of the time I juz hurt and want to go back to my tent and hide for ever...

    He's gotta understand that what he says hurts me too, maybe he'll get the pix if I juz sleep on the couch...???... (I got 1 more month maybe of climbing up the stairs to go to bed... when I can't climbe the stairs I'll be on the couch anyways.... Praying for no snow in Jan/Feb... if It snows I'm haveing a baby at home... No way Out of my town)

     

  • Well it seem like you have a lot of extra stress in your life. Dealing with anyone you love who has cancer is hard thing to do. My mom had breast cancer and blamed me for it all. I was always crying when she had it. And what I have learned is that why are angery and need someone to take it out on and it looks like your his target. Im not saying he doesnt care for you nothing in that matter at all but it just he having a hard time dealing with his emotions and this is the only way right now that he can deal. As well he can feel that yes you might be there for him but your not the one that might die in the long run. Who wants to know when they are gonna die or if they only have a few days to be with there loved ones. All everyone reacts differently. And as for the ciggs i really understand that i quit smoking 3years ago but still to this day when Im going through a stressfull situation I really want one, but its not good for the baby. So try to stay strong. As well for the conpassion you have the right to feel any way you want. I would suggest trying a lil bit of empathy. which is basically understanding the problem and being there for him but not pitty.  Maybe try just doing something nice for him without him knowing to show him that you do care it might help a lil. But try and dont get to stressed out for the baby health and yours. Hang in there and remember there is always something good out of everything bad. you just have to see the good. Even if that you woke up for the day and your baby is still doing well.