Not really sure what too do

  • hello well fist things first my name is sheena and my little girl is 3 1/2 months old. My problem is that every time i hand her to my husband he is fine until she starts crying or is fussy and then with in 2 mins he is handing her back to me  i have her all day 7 days a week by myself and when he get home i just want him to take her for a little bit so i can breath but he just dont want too hold on too her for very long. im the only one that gets up with her at night and in the mornings becasue he has to wake at 5:15 during the week for work but i run our business and am up at 5am with her. he will only get up with her on saturday mornings  but as soon as she is fussy or he  wants to o do something  he wakes me to take her i dont know what too do im so stress and so tired. please any advice because i dont know what to say to him to were it dont sound like im complaining

  • IT sounds like it is time to have a talk with him.  I think that bringing your concerns to him in a kind and non-blaming manner would be a good start to getting dad caring for the baby more.  First, I wonder if he doesn't know how to comfort her when she is upset.  That would explain a lot of his behavior, and would be easily remedied with a bit of education.  It is also always of to let him know how you are feeling and then ask him for what you need to feel better.  I think that it is also good to approach him with things that he is doing well as well as those that you wish to have him do differently.  Let us know how things go, take care and good luck, Jess

  • I agree with Jess_BabyRN...you need to tell him how you feel. He is probably scared and unsure of how to calm his daughter. Most of us don't like that feeling of helplessness, so he does what he knows how to do---and that is hand her back to you. Talk to him and help him find ways to calm her down by himself. Good luck! It will get easier.

  • I totally understand how you feel. My son did the SAME thing with my husband. He was really attached to me and we just had to eventually have me leave when I needed some time to myself. My husband was able to calm him down in the swing and on car rides. It helped if I just left the house to get a coffee or do something where the baby couldn't see me. Talk to your husband, like the other ladies said, and know that he probably is overwhelmed and even frustrated by the fact that the baby doesn't "seem to like him" even though it's just a matter of time. My husband felt confused by my son's crying and couldn't figure out why he did that every time he held him. It passed eventually but it took a few times of me just letting him work it out with my son. Hang in there.
  • Just wanted to check back in with you and see if things were getting  any better? What has worked for you so far?

  • no not really we talked and he got even more upset about it. we almost seperated because of it but he said he didn't want to sleep in a different house then his daughter i guess i'm just going to deal with everything on my own. i don't want to lose my family over it.

  • I'm sorry to hear that things are so tense and rough for you right now. If talking about it didn't make it any better, maybe there are subtle ways you can encourage him to bond more with his daughter and hold her more. Try asking him to watch her so you can take a nice warm bath or go shopping by yourself. If it still doesn't work, just breathe and realize that this may pass in time. While you don't want to lose your family over it, you do need to be able to talk about things with your partner. Give him some time to adjust to life with a new baby and give yourself time to adjust as well. It is a difficult transition. If things are getting worse, see if he would consider going to counseling with you. Good luck and hang in there.