My husband is great but....

  • I have for the most part a wonderful husband. We have been married almost 5 years. We just had our first baby (a wonderful boy:) I love him but sometimes I wish he would just pick up after himself! I take care of our 2 month old baby, make sure all the meals  are made ( I even pack a lunch for him), laundry folded and put away dishes washed blah blah blah but he does nothing around the house.... rarely ever does he lift a finger and usually I have to get very angry at him. he leaves plates and cups everywhere, work clothes strewn all over the living room bathroom and bedroom work boots in the middle of the floor toys (not from the baby) and car parts everywhere I feel like I am in a giant hamster wheel I clean he messes up the place faster than I can blink (round and round I go when I'll snap no one knows)... I am still so tired from getting no sleep I just had a baby!! I feel disrespected I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but it really does and I don't want my son growing up thinking being a pig is okay... I don't mind laundry and dishes that is part of my job as a wife and mother but it is getting to the point I feel like a servant. He gets treated like a king. How can I get him to listen to me when I say I'm hurt by this? I would like to add he is great with our son, he also works very hard for me to be able to stay at home with our son. but I feel walked all over help!?

  • Alyn-

    This sounds like a tough situation.  It sounds like there are many wonderful things about your husband, and so the housekeeping issues are hard to take on.  I always think that honestly is one of the main things that keeps relationships intact.  Honesty can be harsh, so it's very much about presentation.  If you can approach the topic by telling him how you are feeling about things this takes the blame out of the situation.  When you share with him let him know what you would like.  Maybe pick a few key things that he could do to help, so it's not "everything is terrible", but, for instance-it would be great if you could help make dinner 2 night s a week.  Or it would be great if you could help clean up after meals.  Then slowly build on it.

    Let us know how things are going,

    Jess

  • Hey Alyn, I have this problem with my husband as well. I used to get so angry having to come home or wake up to a messy house. He is still working through a new family considering he is in the army and has lived by himself all these years. I simply compromised with him into different chores after he realized that a messy house is an unhappy house (i would be the unhappy part) We have worked out most of the messes and we clean the house together. Keep up the consistency of letting him know that cleaning the house can be a teamwork thing so no one is doing it all or nothing. Good luck with everything

  • Alyn,

    This is such a common problem--especially after couples have a child. Your husband probably always did these things, but now that you are taking care of a baby...it is much more noticeable and aggravating. Try talking to him in a non threatening way. Don't be accusatory, but just tell him how much time the baby takes from you and how you really need some help around the house. If you try to approach him with a " we're in this together" type of attitude, then he may not take it so badly. Household chores need to evolve as the family evolves...otherwise, the moms end up getting resentful. If talking to him about the problem seems too overwhelming, try picking one area you need help with...laundry?Dishes? etc... then try to come up with a solution. For example:

    "Hey honey...I am really drowning right now with all the laundry that is piling up and with the new baby I just can't seem to get it all done. Can we maybe split the laundry tasks for a while. You wash and dry the laundry and I'll fold and pick up?" 

    or

    "Hey honey, this house just seems to get out of control every week and the new baby takes more of my time up than before. Lets designate Saturday afternoons as clean up day. We can tidy up the house and then go out for dinner. What do you think?"

    Sometimes just getting him more involved works wonders. Then he'll start noticing how much "mess" is really his. Good luck!