Wonderful Husband but doesnt help out much...

  • Hello I am new to this whole message board stuff. First I wanna say that I love my husband very much he is a wonderful person. However since we had our first child getting him to help with the baby is like pulling eye teeth it just is not easy! He says that he just wants to have one day a week to himself. Is anyone else having or has had these issues in the past? On his days off of work he sometimes would rather the baby go to the baby sitters so he can be by himself. but during this time he would also get laundry clean (not folded he would leave that for me to do) and dishes done then he will sit and watch TV or play video games. If the living room is a mess it doesnt bother him. Please give me some advise im just not sure what to think at this point. Maybe he has post partum depression?

  • Having a new baby is a huge adjustment and for some it takes longer than others. First of all, let me say that I understand what you are going through. For some reason, I think the guys seem to try to hold on to their "pre-baby" life longer than the women. It is hard to let go of the freedom and your husband seems to be having a more difficult time letting some of that go. If you can, try talking to your husband about your feelings one day when he is receptive. Do not point fingers or make him feel like he isn't doing his job, just tell him how hard being a new mother is for you and how you need some time to yourself too. Then work on a plan together of how you can help each other get some "alone" time. Maybe if you do the dishes together and fold laundry together, then he can play video games while you watch the baby..or he can watch the baby while you take a relaxing bath. It is a tricky road, but one that will be much smoother if you communicate well with your husband. Just make sure he knows that you are overwhelmed too and need some help. Maybe by talking about it, he'll open up and tell you how he really feels. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  • I have tried that. i guess the big problems is on the days that he works he does work 12 hours a day and I know that is tough because I have also done that. However I wouldnt get a break if I were the one working 12 hour days and coming home he would be saying the same things to me. I guess its just adjusting to the new life style for all of us. Hoping that it gets a little easier as she is starting to sleep through the night! I must say though last night he stayed up later than normal and she went to sleep earlier so I was able to get things done and got to bed early! They are both still sleeping! :) It will be off to work for me shortly and I think thats where a lot of my frustration comes from. I wish that I could be a stay at home mom sometimes but I love being a Nurse!

  • I understand completely! I am a nurse too and it is so hard to leave home. Not only do you miss the kids, but it is also exhausting to juggle both aspects of your life. Just give yourself some time and give your husband some time to adjust to the new life you are creating and keep talking! I hope things get a bit smoother for you really soon. Once your baby starts sleeping through the night continuously it is awesome! It is amazing how great you feel once you are not constantly sleep deprived!

     

  • Thanks sometimes it helps to talk to someone else and know your not the only one going through all of this! and to know that others feel the some way. we talked again last night And I told him about the board and he was jokingly like so what you posted stuff about me? and I told him yes and he was ok with it once I told him that a lot of husbands are the same way. I guess I just expected his life to change right away too. Eventually. He was home all day with her yesterday and did a wonderful job. when I got home he was like she missed her mommy (she was fast asleep!) But sure made my day!

  • Just wanted to chime in and say that my husband needed more direction than I thought after the baby came. He wanted to be helpful but he was tired himself, overwhelmed by the whole baby thing, and didn't know how to proceed exactly. Since I am a nurse, it was easy for him to say, "Well, you know how to do it so much better than me". I worked on making sure we had some equal "me time" and also  letting him be independent with the baby, without me hovering over him. Keep working on things...children are SUCH a joy but a big transition!