Babys Dad back in the picture ??

  • Hey , im a 18 years old & mom of two. During my first pregnancy at 16 i was at foster home because of family problems, but nobody knew where i was at. My babys dad knew i was pregnant & had a whole life planned for us. When i dissapeared because of foster home he went back to Mexico & i didnt find out till a month after my baby was born. We talked on the phone a few times & he keps saying that he was going to come back in a few months. The months passed  & he wasnt back after a year i gave up on him.  I found a wonderful guy who treated my baby as his own & gave us everything we needed/wanted.. We got married & added a baby girl to our family.  A few weeks after she was born we bumped into my first babys dad brother & he told us that his brother was back & looking for us.  My husband & i had already talked bout this ever happening & decided to give him our number so he can see his son. When we all finally met & he met his son it was extremely akward for all of us.  My point is i dont know what to do anymore.  We were together for a few years before he left & now his back wanting his family back which his not getting because my life is with someone else. What do i do now ? Should i just have him walk away & leave all of us alone or let him & his son keep having contact ?  

  • This is such a tricky question, and I'm sorry that things are complex right now.  The bottom line is that no matter where you son is he needs to have something healthy to eat, and he needs to feel safe there.

     

    Beyond that feel out the situation, see how things are going for dad.  You'll know a lot more after figuring out what he is doing with his life.

    Keep us posted,

    Jess

  • Wow, difficult situation. There really isn't much of an easy answer here. I guess I would talk with son's father with your husband at your side (so that he is on the same page) and just ask him what his expectations are for the relationship with your son. Try to get some communication going and lay out the rules/boundaries of your new relationship through your son. If he plans on being very involved, then maybe you can set up some father/son outings to ease them into things. If he plans on just occasionally being in touch, perhaps you can get an address where you will send him some school pictures and little updates on his life. Most of all, your family that you currently have is your top priority. Make sure you put them first and foremost. Hang in there. Hugs. 

  • Yomalli-

    I just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going.  If you feel up to it I'd love an update.

    -Jess

  • Well his an amazing & healthy 2 year old and my husband who is now his dad adores him. & its the same way around. My son loves him & follows him everywhere, his dads little boy. His biological father is currently working & getting himself together but everytine we meet he wants to spool my babble by giving him money or buying him wateva he wants, which I don't find right. Am I wrong?
  • I would continue to let him see his son. However I would make it clear that he had a chance to come back and be a family with you, but took to long. If your truely happy in your current relationship then stick with it. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

  • Yomalli-

    My suggestion is that you do continue to allow the real father to see him, but I think you should make it clear that he can no longer be that family with you. He missed his chance. But as well try explaining to your son about the two dads. The way that i view it the step dad is the real dad because he has been there for him his whole life and was willing to take care of him. Just becuase you take part in creating a baby doesnt make you the father/mother. It's what you do after the child is born. So I would llow him to see him under suprvision and knowing that he might be his real dad but he is not he parent in the child eyes.