Dont know what to do

  • so couple months ago i had posted a post that was saying my family and my husband dont get alone at all....

     

    so now since ive been basically forced not to talk to my family and i been alanated from my friends i dont talk to anyone or do anything with noone but my husband.....

    so i want a baby shower but i know since i dont talk to anyone and cant talk to my family there wont be anyone there to help me or to throw one for me or anything.......

    i really think i need help on this one i really dont know what to do. i think i need to find some friends or something or some moms i can talk to

    CAN ANYONE HELP ME?

  • Is your husband preventing you from talking to your friends and family? I understand that they don't get along, but your husband needs to understand that you should be allowed to be a part of their lives....even if he isn't. You need friends and family during this time. Consider talking to your husband about letting you have some contact with your family and friends. If not speaking with your family and friends is your decision, then you need to find new friends to fill the void. Try talking a prenatal exercise class or a baby care class at your hospital. You may meet friends there. You could also talk to your doctor about support groups in your area for new moms. You can also try your local church or activity center (such as the YMCA). Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

  • I echo MommyRN4's concerns - is it you who has decided to stop talking to family and friends or has your husband cut you off from them? If that's the case, no one should be able to control what you do and who you talk to. If they love you, they will allow you freedom and independence. If you yourself have chosen to not talk to them, then I'd suggest finding some support groups or church groups that you can go to and make some new friends and people to lean on. Keep coming back here and letting us know how you are doing.. Hugs.

  • he keep telling me if i dont cut my mom off and tell her she cant be around the baby and the hospital then he was going to leave me.....and then after that i just got fed up with fussing and aruging with him so i just told my mom for right now i dont think its best to come around......but to answer the question NO it was not my choice my mom and i been as close as i dont know what and just because he dosent agree with things my mom do or say or whatever i had to choose and it hurts alot....

    and my friends i had a best friend that i had known for as long as i dont know and just  because she said she missed hanging with me he get mad and say she trying to ruin our relationship so he made me erase all my friends numbers out my phone and get a new number so i was bascialy away from the outside world....i cant do nothing without him without him being attached to my hip

  • Sharia D,

    Only you can truly decide the kind of relationship you want to be in, but I do not believe that anyone should be forced to abandon people in their lives that they care about. It sounds like your husband is very controlling and his controlling is causing you pain and separating you from the people you love. There is no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to remain close to your mom and your friends and still be a loving wife to him. I feel your pain and I know that the decisions you must now make are extremely difficult, but you need to decide what is best for you and your baby. There are support counselors and therapists who could help you and your husband deal with his controlling nature in a positive and more constructive way. Would he consider going with you to marriage counseling?

  • well apparently the last response I gave was too harsh and wasn't approved, so I will rephrase what I said.

    Take a look at your life and decide if this is really how you want to spend the rest of it.

    In relationships we all make sacrifices but perhaps you are the only one who is giving up

    anything. If you feel that you are getting the short end of the stick then maybe you need to have a serious heart to heart talk and find out if he plans to always be that way. Is he open to the idea of letting you find new friends or does he only want himself to be your friend? I think it's great that he loves you so much that he doesn't want to share you and can't handle the thought of losing you, but at the same time he will end up pushing you away. We can only handle being separated from the outside world for so long before we start feeling like we are in prison.

    You have a baby that you will want to share (and have help from) the people you love and I don't think it is very fair that he is saying NO.

    You are young, but you are an adult. You should have some say-so in yours and your child's life.

  • yea i understand....he told me after the baby is here then everything will be back to normal.....except my family...he is going to tell the nurses when i go into labor that my mom my aunt and my uncle are NOT allowed back there to see me or my baby....but he said that once the baby come then he can turn my phone back on and he wont be worried about anything...like in one day he calls my ill say 6 times a day just to see if im home or doing anything.....hes at work now and im at home and he calls alot......like i dont know what to do....and he told me if i dont like it then he has enough money to take care of him self....but the thing is, he is living with me and my grandmother....we been here for almost a year........because he lost his job(because of my mother so he say).....but now he has a new one and we are still here......but when he didnt have no where to go and no money he was here....so now he says if i dont want him this or that then he has enough money to take care of himself...and the only thing ill be to him is a check in the mail.

  • He has his reasons for not liking certain members of your family, and he has his reasons for not wanting them around his child, I don't need to know those reasons but the 2 of you have got to find a comfortable median. In my life I wear the pants. I make the decisions and probably have some of the same control as your man does. I don't want my child around certain members of my mans family but he understands and accepts it because he agrees with me. If you really think he is wrong in his thinking you need to put your foot down! If he can't handle such tiny issues now, how is he going to handle the REAL issues of life and patenting? If his plan is to just walk away when the going gets tough how can you feel stable? Your child needs stability, not constant worry that daddy will some day just walk away. If he is going to leave, now is the best time!

  • As other posters have said you are the only one who can make the decisions that are best for you and your baby. I could be way off since I don't know you, but It sounds to me like he is being very controlling almost on the side of abusive. you do realize that abuse is more than just physical? I urge you to seek someone to talk to about these issues, whether it be you and your husband going to a therapist or you finding someone who can help you sort through this. I came from an abusive home where my father was very posessive and controlling over my mom... even physical at times. I will tell you from the childs point of view that it is scary and sets a terrible example. Remember your baby will soak up everything that it sees and hears and if he or she grows up in that environment may end up continuing the cycle in his or her own life. Remember that you and only you are in control of your life and who is in it. I am not advising you in any way to leave you husband, but i am advising you to take a step back and assess the situation and make a call on if that is what you want for you and your child. I know from experience that two seperated happy parents is way better than the alternative.... Just in case you can always find safe spots at fire departments, police stations, and some times places like walgreens will have them also.... I hope everything gets better for you... And moterator please push this through.... It may be important she reads this.