Need Advice!!

  • In a previous post, I explained the trouble I'm having with my husband getting irritated with our baby crying. So now I have a new question: should I let him be around her and hold her when he gets so aggravated he is yelling at her?

  • I have the same issue with my husband around our son sometimes. What  I usually do is just tell him honey, he's a baby he doesn't understand. I'm not completely sure but I think a lot of the issue is that Daddy  doesn't have nearly as good of a bond as we do, so he's at a complete los, when our son cries and my husband doesn't know why.. It takes time, and I have to coax my husband through what may be going on.. I wouldn't recommend shortening his time with your baby, just try to help him out a bit when he doesn't know why your daughter is crying.. Just suggest things, see if that works, sorry I can't be more help, Hopefully your hubby doesn't mind you giving advice.  You just have to see what works with him, and if all else fails, sit down and have a talk with him, and ask  him what will help him the most when the baby is crying, and he is unsure of what the issue is. Good Luck!

  • Hmmm that is a tough question. Undoubtedly, he won't get any better at handling her if he doesn't get regular practice, but your first priority is protecting your baby. If he is angry and yelling at her, then he may also lose his patience and do something he regrets. Shaken baby syndrome for example. If he is receptive to a discussion, you could try bringing up your concerns or asking him if he would consider seeing someone to help him cope with his anger. If he is unable to control his frustrations, then I would definitely limit how much "alone" time they had, but I would encourage them spending lots of time together when I was around to help him handle the baby better. Show him tricks to help calm your baby so he doesn't feel so out of control and make sure he realizes that baby's can sense impatience and uncertainty and it makes them cry. The more "relaxed" he pretends he is, the more likely it is that he will get his little girl to stop crying. Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.

  • I agree with MommyRN... yelling and being angry at a baby for crying is not going to help either of them. If your husband gets to that point of frustration, then it's time to give him a "timeout" and give him chance to take a deep breath and re-set. Also, explain to him that if he is alone with the baby and he can't stop the crying, there is no shame in putting the baby in a crib and removing himself from the situation for a five-minute break. The baby will likely continue to wail, but won't be harmed in the long run.

  • Agree with the other posters - your first priority is your baby's safety. Many  very good and well intentioned parents can be harmful to their children when they reach a frustration point with their crying. If your husband is yelling and upset, it sounds like he has reached that point. I like MommyRN4's goal of continuing to teach him to cope and giving him time with your daughter but being vigilant about a lot of alone time or allowing him to get too angry and lose his temper. Hang in there - sometimes the earliest days are the most frustrating.

  • Thank you all for your advice! I'm worried about that very thing, and I hate it! Feeling that I need to protect our daughter from her daddy hurts! I've tried telling him that she's a baby and she's just as uncomfortable as he is, but he just gets upset with me. I feel like I'm reaching my limit. He even turns the radio up in the car if we're driving as loud as he can to drown her out. :( Driving in the car with her yelling is probably the worst! Because we can't just stop and cuddle her or feed her or whatever it is she needs. What do I do!?

  • No you could let him be in the same room while the baby is crying but if it gets to the point that he yells at the baby than its not a good idea. 

  • Some babies really hate the carseat and car rides. The only suggestion I have is to make sure she is well fed and then well burped, as well as a fresh diaper before car rides. That way you know it isn't gas or some other issue that she is crying about. Does soothing music, a pacifier, or anything else work? I'm sure you've tried it all. It is so hard when babies cry in their car seats. As a mom, several girlfriends with kids had the same issue and they all seemed to grow out of it around 6 months or so. I hope the same happens for you!

  • I wanted to check in and see how things are going for you.  How is dad doing?  I agree with the others that your first responsibility is keeping that baby safe.  Drop us a note though andlet us know how things are going for your family.

    Take care,

    Jess

  • Dad is doing great! He still has his moments, but then who doesn't? Our girl and he are nearly inseparable when he's home! Big Smile

  • Wonderful news that things are going well in your family!  That makes me very happy!!

    -Jess

  • Great news! Glad to hear Daddy and baby are getting along well and some of your concerns have been alleviated! Good luck moving forward!

  • Oh, how wonderful! Sometimes that initial newborn phase is rough as you are still developing a relationship with your little one. I'm glad to hear things are better!