Very Frustrated!

  • I don't know why, but lately, I have been so frustrated with my husband!! I feel like I'm always angry at him for one reason or another and I just don't know why! I mean, I know a few reasons, but I don't think they're enough to make me this upset all the time. I don't like being angry and upset, but I don't know how to handle it either!

  • HappyNewMommy12-

    I think what you are experiencing is very normal among new parents-both mom's and dads.  One thing to consider is that your lives have had a HUGE change take place with the addition of a child.  Although this is a positive change, it is still a big change.  The stress of change affects your body and often your mind in the same way regardless of if it is good or hard change.  In regard to the communication with your husband that is the very thing you need to focus on COMMUNICATION.  This is hard though, and I understand that!  I think it would really help to sit down, maybe while baby is napping, and have an honest conversation with him.  Let him know what you are feeling without blaming him.  If you need extra support it would be fine to have a trusted family friend or even a therapist help with initiating these first few conversations-as you are going to need to keep talking to one another.  Odds are he is feeling very much the same way but doesn't know how to approach it.  You can do this!  Hang in there, Jess

  • Jess_BabyRN has some great advice. Having a new baby in your life is INCREDIBLY life changing and really alters the dynamic of your relationship with your husband. Try to give yourself some time to step back and realize that some things are different now than they were before and it'll take a while to adjust. Also, you are most likely tired and wiped out caring for this precious little girl of yours. It is well worth it but exhausting! Finding a friend to call and vent to is a big help when you are at your wit's end or coming up with coping tools like taking a walk when you feel stressed can go a long way. Hang in there...you are quite normal and with some love and attention to your relationship, things can improve! 

  • Let's also not forget that with babies, sleep gets compromised and fuses can become shorter when we are exhausted. Communication is always key, but we husbands don't always know exactly what our partners want/need.

  • I've tried talking to him, and he just shuts down on me. He won't talk to me and most of the time won't even look at me. Actually, our baby sleeps a lot! She's slept the from 10-7 and 9-5 for the last week or so. Before that she only woke up once at night and dad didn't have to get up. My husband has told me that he won't help me with laundry, meals, dishes, diapers, or anything else, and so far, he's stuck to his word.  What do I do about that? And another thing, we don't come before anything. His cars come before us, his stupid guns come before us, and often even the dumb dogs come before us! I don't know what to do! Also, I don't have any friends. His sister's are the only ones I know who have kids and I can't really talk to them about him, I mean, he's their brother. So I'm just kind of....... wiped. Sad

  • I'm sending you a big hug over the wireless waves.  It sounds like you are feeling very alone in all this.  I think it is your goal to get him to respect how important it is going to be that you are able to talk to him and have him participate in the conversation.  Communications usually do not go away if ignored (thus the problem).  Depending on how distressed you are I think it would be very appropriate to ask him to see a counselor with you so that you have some help and support in talking to him.  If you need resources for this your or your baby's medical provider can help with a referral.  If money is tight there are state assisted therapists and churches can be another resources.  I know this is hard, but stick with it as it's very important.

    Take care,

    Jess

  • I echo Jess - it sounds like you are really feeling isolated, lonely, and frustrated. Perhaps if you are able to communicate to him the seriousness of his lack of communication with you, he may begin to open up a bit. Have you been able to go on any one on one dates lately? Perhaps some alone time would help you all connect a bit? Depending on how rough things are, a counselor is really not a bad option. It communicates to him how serious you are about having a healthy and thriving relationship. Hang in there...I'll be praying for you. <3

  • I'm going through almost the exact same thing. Our baby is 3 months old now and it is very challenging. I have woken up every night since she was born, and he almost refuses to change dirty diapers. I shouldn't have to feel like I'm asking him to 'babysit' when I want to go do something, but I do. It's challenging and I know how you feel! It's a helpless feeling.

  • I'm a stay at home mom of a 4 month old it sounds like you guys need some alone time. if you can ask you parents or siblings to babysit i know it will help some times all it take is the two of you being away from the baby together..... hope this helps autumn

  • wow! try talking to him one on one and make him understand!! afterall you didnt get pregnant by yourself!! remember it is not the babys fault for his doings... or maybe try to seek help ...like counseling... Smile  dont worry it will be fine

  • There is no reason why Dads can't take care of their children especially when Mom has been carrying the load. It's not "babysitting" when it's your own child! I feel badly for those who feel this frustration. I am far from a perfect Dad and my wife is the hero of the family when it comes for caring for our three kids, but I attempt to carry my weight and look at it as a natural thing to do... I love my daughters and I will do everything I can to make them comfortable, even if I am not as good at it as my wife. Hang in there...

  • Thank you everyone for your encouragement!! As well as your advice! I finally broke down in tears I felt so down, and it happened to be at night just after I put our baby down. We talked, sort of. I told him how I've been feeling and he.... well, he kind of brushed it off. Which is okay, because I felt better just telling him what I've been feeling. He loves to hold our daughter, unless she's a little fussy, which doesn't happen often in all actuality. Only when she's REALLY hungry or REALLY tired does she fuss. Otherwise she's a very content ten-week old. I guess God gave us such a content baby because he's so unwilling to help out. X-) Am I wrong for asking him to help me? For instance, this evening, we're house-sitting for his parents. We just finished watching a movie and I asked him if he would mind moving the playpen into the bedroom so I didn't have to move our daughter (who was sleeping on me at the time Smile) more than once. He was going to weld something for his gun, and I asked him if he would do it first. Well, he just got mad at me and he didn't do it. He hasn't spoken to me since. That was forty-five minutes ago. He makes me feel like I am such a burdensome wife, and sometimes like I'm not his wife at all; just a pest who lives with him, cooks, cleans, and takes care of his daughter. I've told him that too, and he just ignores it and brushes it off. I'm not so much asking advice as just venting, trying to tell someone who might care, who might..... give me some support, and some much needed prayers! Thanks again!!

  • You ARE NOT a burdensome wife. Those are normal requests of a husband. I echo the sentiment of counseling if he will go for it.

  • Sorry to read that he is still brushing you off and not helping. :-( It is absolutely no big deal to move a play pen. I'm glad you were able to at least express your feelings to him and I hope some of it sinks in eventually and he can respond to your needs. You are a good mother and wife and a valuable person - not someone who is just in the way. Everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect. Hugs. 

  • This latest story sounds troubling. I realize that some Dads have a hard time bonding with very young children and become more involved as the children grow older and are better able to interact. But after you described your needs for him to brush off a simple request is disrespectful, especially when you are doing a favor for HIS family. I agree that counseling is a good idea, and maybe asking him why he seems so grumpy. Maybe like you, he has feelings about the situation with no place to vent. Good luck.