Should I....?

  • Am I just being overly sensitive when my feelings are hurt because my husband doesn't tell me he loves me or that I'm pretty? I know men just don't think like women and that they can go a week without hearing that we love them, but that doesn't seem to help me. I've talked to him about it, but nothing has changed. I haven't talked to him about him not telling me I'm pretty because I figure he'll just get mad and/or irritated with me, and then there is no chance of talking or anything. I just want to know if I'm being overly sensitive and if I need to pray that Father helps change my heart. Thanks!!

  • It's possible that to him you're being overly sensitive... As you said women think and feel in different ways then men and we need regular reassurance that we are loved. Men do show us that we are loved, but in their own way that usually makes absolutely no sense to us. My fiance for example will do little things like buy me a humming bird feeder because he knows i always stop to look at them, but won't buy one for myself... so one day out of the blue he surprised me with one of the ones i always pointed out. it's little things like that which shows me he cares about me and us together. I do agree that sometimes we need to hear the words and shouldn't have to read into their actions for reassurance. maybe he is trying to tell you just not in words. you could always suggest a counselor if you suspect there's a deeper issue that has yet to surface. I hope all gets better...

  • HappyNewMommy12 I agree with Brinny, men express their feelings in iferent ways, my husband is one of those men. One month could pass and he never tells me that he loves me or that I look pretty, he is very shy. Like Brinny said, he expresses his love by buying me an oreo shake, a mineral wather or a corn in a cup, but not with words. I have explained him that I would like to hear pretty words some day and he answers " ok, I would do it, Im sorry if sometimes I forget those little things that makes you happier", but guess what!! He forgets them anyway.!!

    Dont be sad, men tend to be less or zero loving than women, plan a nice conversation with him, cook something delicious for dinner and with nice words tell him that sometimes we (women) tend to be very sensitive and we would like to hear something pretty to make our day happier.

    Good luck, tell us how it worked!!

  • HappyNewMommy12-

    I'm sending a big hug right across the wireless waves this morning to you!  I don't think it really matters if your being overly sensitive or not-everyone needs to hear that they are valued, beautiful and loved, no matter what.  Smile  Did you see the movie "The Help"?  That reminds me a bit of what the Nanny/Maid told that little girl over and over "You is kind, you is smart, you is important".  It's just like that, we all need to hear those things....and ultimately we can assure ourselves of them, but I think that we do need to hear fromm others as well.

    Hang in there, and keep us in the loop,

    Jess

  • I wouldn't say you are overly sensitive, but you have to know your husband. Is he the type of man who will express his feelings? If he always used to say "I love you" and shower you with compliments and now doesn't do that anymore, then I would be concerned. But if you just spontaneously want him to change, you are probably in for a letdown. Do you always say I love you to him and tell him how good looking he is? It's hard for someone outside of your relationship to diagnose what the tone is between you and your husband.

  • Brinny and Prissy: My husband doesn't do that kind of stuff. AnswerDad: Oh yeah, I tell him he's handsome, sexy, attractive any one of those things at least four to five times a day. I can't even count how often I tell him I love him! I know he loves me, my practical side says, because otherwise he wouldn't have married me, wouldn't sleep in the same bed with me, and wouldn't go to work all day (and often all night) if he didn't. Yet, I still feel sad when he doesn't tell me he loves me. Weird new feelings!!

  • It is hard, but it is possible that you are feeling a bit overlooked at the moment--especially if your husband is busy. You could let him know how you feel...and if you approach him in a positive manner, he may take it the right way and realize that he needs to tell you more how he feels. If he isn't that type of guy, then you will have to look at the other things he does as a way of showing you how much he loves you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  • I think AnswerDad's question is a really good one. Did your husband do this before and suddenly doesn't do it anymore? It's really hard with a new baby in your life. Not only are you wrapped up with their needs but it changes your entire relationship with your spouse. It's pretty hard to figure out what the "new normal" should be. Hang in there and just make sure you guys are able to occasionally have some dates and chances to talk about your family dynamic as it is now.

  • That's exactly what happened! He used to tell me he loved me all the time when we were dating. As well as tell me I was pretty beautiful and so on. I understand fully that babies change everything, but our baby is probably the easiest baby ever to have been born! I've asked him to go on dates, and he wants nothing to do with it.

  • Sad I'm so sorry you're having these issues. Having a new baby is tough enough without having relationship troubles on top of it. If you ever want to talk you can always get a hold of me.. call, send and email ect... sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to. Maybe a nice conversation with him could help get to the root of the problem, or like i said before therapy could help also. you never know, he may be having some post par-tom issues himself. I wish you the best and i hope you and your husband can start doing better.

  • HappyNewMommy12-

    I just wanted to check in with you and see how your weekend is going.  I wasn't sure if both you and your husband were off from work for the holiday weekend and if so how things are going.  Just know I'm thinking about you,

    Jess

  • Why don't you just go ahead and try to make a date time for you guys and see if it helps things out? Don't even call it a date - just say you want to get out with him and have a free evening. Set up a time for someone to watch your little one and get tickets for a movie you know he'll like. Go out for coffee after and bring your favorite board game you guys like to play while you have a drink. Maybe just getting out there and having some time together will help to get some conversation/emotions flowing. 

  • You could be feeling overly sensitive. However, If your hubby was telling you he loved you and how pretty you were on the regular before than you should speak up. Yes things change with a baby but compliments and I love you's shouldn't.

  • Wow, thank you for all your replies and advice! We've talked it all out and it has gotten so much better! It took a friend from church, but he finally understands the importance of "dates" for me.

  • I'm so glad that things are better...having a new baby can certainly throw a monkey wrench into any relationship and it is important to keep trying and communicating. Glad you guys are going out on dates!