I'm a Dad, and we're both Scared Stiff!!!

  • I'm 41, my wife 38.  Married 15 1/2 years.  We have a boy who is 12 and a daughter who is 9.  I had a vascectomy 12 weeks ago.  You are supposed to get a sample tested at 6 weeks, and then 2 to 4 weeks after that.  The first came back negative...which is good.  So, being the eager ones that we were, we figured one negative test, and "just this one time",  we didn't use any protection.  Then a week later test number 2 came back with "there were a couple of moving cells, so come back in 4 weeks and get retested...just to be sure".  GULP.  I will turn in that sample this Thursday.

    Well...my wife missed and decided to get a couple OTC pregnacy tests, and low and behold, they were positive.  We knew there was a possiblility this could happen...heck, there's a possibility we could win Power Ball. 

    Since yesterday, my wife and I are in shock.  She's been crying.  Our plan has pretty much been going our way, 2 beautiful kids, 2 wonderful dogs, starting to enjoy the control over our family dynamic.  Now the dreaded unknown has been presented to us again.

    We are both of the ilk that we will eventually get over the shock and uncertainty and have fun with this.  We know all babies are a blessing, and if this is what is supposed to be for us, then we will do our best to make sure the new addition welds right into our family.  Babies are so much FUN!!!  It's just that we weren't expecting/planning on having another one of our own.

    I guess the reson for this post, is so that maybe we can hear some stories about you all that are out there that have gone through, or going through a similar situation.  What did you focus on to get yourself out of the surprise and shock of a pregnancy 10 years after the last one?  I know We can do it, we just need a Pep Talk!!

  • First of all, it's easy to see why this could be shocking for the two of you, and you are worldly enough to know that it will eventually be a blessing. Hang in there and once you see that beautiful baby, I'm sure all of the doubt will creep away! Even though my three kids are all under 5, I am 42 and my wife and I are always juggling the roles of spouse, parent, professional and individual and it's never easy. Hopefully in a week or two your parental instincts will kick in and you will do the same great job with this baby that you did with your older kids. Good luck!

  • There seem to be quite a few posts lately with new parents, who are "new" to baby with other children in their tween and teens.  I want to echo what Dad had to say, You are going to do GREAT!  I think you will find that once you get in the swing of things, they are easier-and you are more relaxed.  Take a good look around and you will see other posts, and I'm sure more people will reply.

    :) Jess

  • My goodness - what a shock!! I personally have never had this happen but I've worked with a LOT of moms and dads who have been completely surprised at their pregnancy. Some of them have similar situations as yourself. They certainly cried and were completely overwhelmed at first...all I can say is that the idea grew on them over time of a new baby and they ALL said they could not imagine life without their new little one. For some reason or another, this little baby is coming into your life and it must be to serve some sort of purpose. I hope you get a chance to meet some other couples who are in a similar situation as yourself - hopefully some others post on here as well!

  • I want to echo what the others have said. It is perfectly normal to be a little overwhelmed and nervous about having another baby. It is shocking any time you get pregnant and aren't expecting it--whether you are 18 or 48! That being said...you will do wonderfully! This baby is supposed to be here! Also, with 2 older siblings, this time it will be awesome for them to participate in preparing for the baby, naming the baby, and caring for him or her. I was 14 when my sister was born and I LOVED it! You will have 2 built in helpers and babysitters and this baby will only enrich your lives! You will do a great job! Just remember to get the support you need from friends, family members, each other, and of course here on Strong Moms! We're here for you!


  • Stykman-

    I just wanted to check in and see how you and family are feeling.  I also wanted to mention that I have a friend who had her twins at 51...They are ten now and the family is thriving. 

    Keep us posted,


  • To All who Replied:

    We have run through a whole host of different emotions over the last few weeks since I posted.  But we've kept our chins up, and wiped away a few tears.  NONE were Sad tears, more Joy and Fear at the same time.  But, we went to our first OB appointment yesterday.  The same Doc who delivered both our other kids 12 and 9 years ago.  Needless to say, we all had a good laugh when he walked in and I said, "Bet you thought you wouldn't see me again...did you?"

    My Wife and I held each others hands as he pulled up the Ultrasound.  "Looks like the baby is about 9 weeks and 2 days."  We heard the heart beat.  Everything looks like it's just the way it should be.  It Finally Felt Real.  Man, that is SUCH a Cool Moment.

    After the appointment we decided to tell our kids when we got home.  They were Thrilled.  The shock is still there for us, but we both know "Things Happen For a Reason".  And if this was meant to be, then we'll do our best.  But this time, we'll have the help of our kids.  We plan on telling our parents and a few select close friends this weekend.

    I think I can speak for my wife in saying that we ARE looking forward to this.  The process of the creation of Life is Really Special, and downright Cool.  I think we are starting to get excited about it again...allbeit still scared out of our minds at the same time.

    We've actually come to wonder, why is it that when you are Really Young, and then when you are "Relatively older" (like us) pregnancy is a frightening prospect, but when you are say 25 to 35, it's Really Exciting and you just go with it?  Sure there are the Obvious reasons to be scared, but we've done this before, we've been through explosive diapers, fevers, trips to the hospital, first steps, and sleepless nights.  Gosh, it just feels like I have no idea what I'm doing.  I do think that the more people we tell, the more the fear will go away.

    I can't help thinking maybe I feel guilty, because we had made the concious decision not to have anymore children, and now we are.  But Wow...when you hear that heartbeat...it really is something Everyone should be able to experience.

    I will explore more of these message boards, and check in from time to time.  I Really Appreciate all of the support and kind words from everyone.  I hope to get my wife to come on here to ask some questions, and give some advice too!!  I think we can be good contributors to this board.  Heck, I wish we had known about this the first 2 times around!!!

  • Well congrats... I am so happy for you words just won't do. You sound like a really great person and i'm sure you're a great parent. good luck and i hope you and your wife do join on a regular basis. there really isn't too many moms and dads (especially) who are on here in a regular basis to give advice. it'd be nice to have another perspective...