Adoption questions

  • My husband and I are considering finishing off our family by adoption rather than one more pregnancy. We have two little boys and would like a little girl. I’ve always thought about adopting but my husband is new to the idea. He is concerned that he would feel differently about the adopted child and not love her as much as her brothers. He feels badly about this and doesn’t want to make any child feel like this. Does anyone have experience with this issue? Can you offer some advice to us? --Julie, StrongMoms Facilitator

  • That is a tough one...and one that is very different for every family. I know a few families where it is rather obvious that the "adopted" child isn't loved quite the same and others who absolutely dote on their child. If your husband is concerned about how he would feel, then you could consider fostering a child for a while to get him used to the idea. In the end though, it will be up to your husband to make that decision. While he may never "feel" quite the same way, he may still end up loving the new little girl and be glad you made the decision. I would love to hear some others out there who have gone through  adoption!

  • I agree with MommyRN4 it is tough and is a decision that can only be made by each individual person and family. I have very little experience with adoption or fostering. I can tell you that my fiances aunt and uncle foster children and have adopted one of the little girls they took in. They love all of them just as they were their own, however when it comes to their foster children they have been left with broken hearts a few times. Once instance in particular they took in a little girl at 10 weeks old who was taken from her mother for drug abuse if i can recall correctly. They spent a year nurturing this little girl and the state took her away without notice and put her back with her birth mother. For that reason i could never foster children. I would become too attached when i know that they would inevitably leave. Not to mention my children would be losing a brother or sister when they were placed. The good i can see in fostering is giving a child a chance at a relatively normal childhood while they wait placement with a permanent family. Adoption is an entirely different story though. I would Love to adopt, but my fiance insists that he wouldn't be able to love that child the same way he does our daughter, and that would not be right or fair to the adopted child. For that reason adoption would probably not be suitable for us. So as MommyRN4 said maybe you should considering fostering first just to see how he would handle parenting a child that isn't biological.

  • Thanks for advice...I think I'd have such a hard time fostering a child, knowing they will be leaving us at some point. It'd almost make it hard to attach, I'd think! I'm not sure what we will do...I know there are two adoption agencies near us and I wonder if they provide classes for prospective parents. I'm sure you have to go through some type of counseling or education programs before adopting. Maybe I'll check it out and see if going to something like that would answer my husband's questions. He said he is open to it but just doesn't even know where to begin as far as processing something like that mentally/emotionally. I'm not really sure either, for that matter! It'll be something to work though over the long run. 

  • That sounds like a great idea. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

  • Adopting a child is also a good idea but don't expect much. One of my auntie experience the same situation, she had a child one boy and as of now his already 15 years old supposedly my auntie had a girl child but that was born premature and the baby girl died. My auntie is very depressed at that time that she can't almost accept the reality. She still wants to have another baby but because of her busy life and stressed in her work as a teacher and in her business she end up to adopting a child. She adopt a child whose parents can no longer support the baby. The reason of my auntie is that she had helped the baby and also she had help herself as well. She said there is nothing wrong with adopting a baby as long as you educate her and tell her early that she is adopted so that when he/she grows up she can easily accept the reality. But don't try to treat him/her differently.That's my auntie's opinion and we respect that.