Problems with the Father of my baby.

  • I am currently 24 years old and I have a beautiful baby girl who is 2 months old. I have been stressing out a lot lately because the father of my baby doesn't seem to want anything to do with her. He is 26 and goes to college full time. All during my pregnancy he never told anyone about me or the baby. I only met one of his friends and that was before I was pregnant, his family doesn't even know. I hoped that during my pregnancy he would get it together and come around, he never did. When I went to go to the hospital for my C-section didn't want to be there. He only came to the hospital for about 5 minutes and that was to sign the birth certificate paperwork. He didn't even hold her while he was there, he barely looked at her. Well now that she is two months old I am thinking that he will never come around. I talk to him daily on the phone. He gives me $200 a month right now and when we meet up I have to get a baby sitter because he doesn't want to see her. It is really starting to bother me more and more each day that he doesn't seem to care. I want to be able to get over it but I feel that if his friends and family knew then he might change. I want to tell people but I am scared of how he will react. I don't know how to deal with this. I do everything I possibly can to make sure that she has everything that she needs and he doesn't even want to see her. I send him photos of her in the mail and he never makes any comments about them. I will ask if him want he thinks of her and his only reply is that she's a baby. It truly breaks my heart and I don't know what to do anymore. Please, someone give me advise on how to handle this.

  • WOW that sounds awful. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. From what you wrote i would agree that it does sound like he isn't ready to be a dad. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to be around her or know her? Depending on what his answer to that question is i would most likely cut him out of my life with the exception of child support, and move on. I would advise you to seek professional advise/ help on the matter of child support though to see what your and his rights are in terms of money and custody. It's better you know now if he doesn't want to be involved in your childs life so you can pick up the pieces and make a better life for your and your baby. I really hope things turn around for you.

  • I'm sending you a big hug over the wireless internet waves.  I'm so sorry that you are facing this, it sounds really hard.  I think that the best thing you can do is continue with the clear communication and (this is a hard one) accept him for where he is at.  We can not change other people.  That statement is hard for all of us in regard to someone in our lives.  I've found that the harder I fight that the more frustrated and hurt I feel.  I'd imagine it's similar in your situation.  You are incredibly strong and I want to encourage you to work on letting go and focusing on what and who you do have in your life.

    Please let us know how we can support you.

    -Jess

  • I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this - what a tough situation for you to go through. It doesn't really appear that he plans to step up to the plate as far as your daughter goes. Have you had some honest communication with him and asked him what is  keeping him from connecting with her? How about asking him what his plans for involvement with her are? I'd just get things out in the open so you don't have to keep wondering and hoping but can move forward with your life. Father figures are important for little kids, so consider who could help fill in that roll if he won't do it. Ask a brother, uncle, friend if they would consider being a role model for her and take her places and do things with her once she is old enough. I truly hope things work out for you - hang in there.