Snide parenting comments

  • Have you ever noticed some moms and dads think they are perfect and are more than willing to let you know what you are doing wrong? For example, “Oh, those are such cute crackers that Grant has!  We don’t give them to our daughter because of all the trans fat”. She might see you pull out a bottle and say “Oh, I’m so glad we got to breastfeed for a trillion years. I would have felt so guilty if I had to give my child a bottle”. I think humor works great in dealing with these parents. You could say “Yeah, and as soon as we are done with the crackers I am going to fill her bottle with soda”. Have you ever been the victim of a Perfect Mom Drive-by?

  • I have a cousin that is one of those "all knowing" parents.  You simply cannot spend time with her without hearing "expert" advice.  Luckily I don't have to deal with it that often.  On the other hand, my boyfriend has a co-worker that is also an "expert."  This man has only been a father for 3 months, yet he thinks that he knows how I should raise my almost 4 year old daughter.  For the most part I just find it interesting.  My boyfriend tries to argue with this man, but it's basically pointless.  He's one of those people that thinks he knows everything, especially when it comes to parenting.

  • Between myne and my husbands family we have 4 under a year, my cousen tonya's son owen will be 1 next weekend,  she makes coments all the time about how owen still dosn't do stuff that Cherie (my daughter) does like the tippy, i calmly explained that i don't expect her to drink out of it, and she doesn't usualy, it just makes a good toy for her to chew on and it inroduces her to it cuz eventualy she will drink out of it. i have a hard time with people and my age, i have had people make comments to my face about if im capable of taking care of Cherie and how i have totaly screwed up my life. i honestly didn't know what to say then but i have some ideas now incase it happens again

  • I feel I get this from time to time from my MIL. She's not overt with it, but I feel like the questions she asks me about the choices I make for my kids (type of formula, bottles, daycare, etc.) are really double sided. You know, the whole passive/aggressive vibe about how these are things that weren't done back in the day. My mom does it all the time, too. With my first child, it made me feel like I was making mistakes. But now, I just brish it off. I'm making the best decisions for my kids and anyone who feels they have to question what I do has the issue, not me.

  • I mostly get people asking me about Grace's father.  Like i'll be talking to someone, and they'll say something, like well doesn't her father wake up with ehr at night, or something.  Then i tell them that i'm a single mom, and i always get that look.  Its the look that says i'm doing something wrong. 

    My mom also has started telling me i hold grace too much.  she thinks its possible to spoil a 7 week old.  i disagree.  I mean honestly i have the best baby in the world (ok maybe not, but she onlyl wakes up once at night, rarely cries, etc) so i don't really worry about it.  Grace was 10 weeks early, and no one except for me really knows what's best for her.  She needs to be close to me as much as possible considering she's still supposed to be inside of me.

  • I cant recall a Perfact Mom Drive-by, though I may have been the victim of one and not noticed - a lot of the time such comments go right over my head. I'm pretty sure knowing my personal level of snark, it would be hard not to say something back... I guess it would really depend on the situation though. I'll just keep my fingers crossed that if they are saying those things to me they keep going over my head so I dont have to worry about it Wink.

  • You do really have to just shrug it off and go on with your day.

  • I have found this has happened to me a few times on here. It has been the case a few times in real life. I try to ignore it but there are somethings that just really bother me. I try to confront them with the best possible attitude because some do not realize they are even doing it.
  • mlpowers

    I mostly get people asking me about Grace's father.  Like i'll be talking to someone, and they'll say something, like well doesn't her father wake up with ehr at night, or something.  Then i tell them that i'm a single mom, and i always get that look.  Its the look that says i'm doing something wrong. 

    My mom also has started telling me i hold grace too much.  she thinks its possible to spoil a 7 week old.  i disagree.  I mean honestly i have the best baby in the world (ok maybe not, but she onlyl wakes up once at night, rarely cries, etc) so i don't really worry about it.  Grace was 10 weeks early, and no one except for me really knows what's best for her.  She needs to be close to me as much as possible considering she's still supposed to be inside of me.

    Being a single mom I get "the look" as well. I've learned to ignore it for the most part but, while I may bite my tongue, it really irritates me. Here we are doing the best to give our kids a good life and someone thinks they can look down on my efforts just because her SD chose not to be involved? Go give him that look! lol

    My mom tries to tell me I hold Peyton too much as well. I've gotten to the point with it that I remind her that while she may think I hold her too much she also takes better naps for me and is more willing to play on her own (at least so long as she can see or hear me in the room) so that I can do housework than she is for anyone else. In my mind if my holding her, more than other people deem appropriate, gives her that sense of security she needs to be more independant in the long then I'll gladly "spoil" her this way. :)

  • My standard answer to criticism is this "I will always do what I feel is best for my child. We may disagree and I am sort of fine with that and feel no need to convince you otherwise." Usually that is greeted with a stunned silence at which point I make my exit. Works everytime!Wink

     

    CoolKimmie

    If a thing must be done, it must be done with grace.

  • mlpowers:

    I mostly get people asking me about Grace's father.  Like i'll be talking to someone, and they'll say something, like well doesn't her father wake up with ehr at night, or something.  Then i tell them that i'm a single mom, and i always get that look.  Its the look that says i'm doing something wrong. 

    My mom also has started telling me i hold grace too much.  she thinks its possible to spoil a 7 week old.  i disagree.  I mean honestly i have the best baby in the world (ok maybe not, but she onlyl wakes up once at night, rarely cries, etc) so i don't really worry about it.  Grace was 10 weeks early, and no one except for me really knows what's best for her.  She needs to be close to me as much as possible considering she's still supposed to be inside of me.

    Being a single mom I get "the look" as well. I've learned to ignore it for the most part but, while I may bite my tongue, it really irritates me. Here we are doing the best to give our kids a good life and someone thinks they can look down on my efforts just because her SD chose not to be involved? Go give him that look! lol

    My mom tries to tell me I hold Peyton too much as well. I've gotten to the point with it that I remind her that while she may think I hold her too much she also takes better naps for me and is more willing to play on her own (at least so long as she can see or hear me in the room) so that I can do housework than she is for anyone else. In my mind if my holding her, more than other people deem appropriate, gives her that sense of security she needs to be more independant in the long then I'll gladly "spoil" her this way. :)

     

     

    I agree, I get the look not because I'm a single mom but because they think I'm trash.  My first son is from a previous relationship while though young (18) when I had him, I have since gotten married had another son with a 3rd on the way live on our own, and the rest of the whole nine yards.  I live in a very upscale neighborhood and can't get away from it.  It's life, but I just look right back at them with a cut-throat stare LOL!

     

    And ladies....you can never EVER hold you're child too much!!! (unless they're getting bed sores LOL)  You can tell kids that weren't held enough and payed attention to from ones who were.  Its strange, really but true. Good luck to everyone and keep laughing off the stupid people!

  • yes... i know exactly what you mean. i live with my boyfriends parents and they just love making me feel like the most inadequate mother at times. i am young (19) but i do in fact know wat im doing. it just annoys me to no end hearing it day in day out "dont do this" "your doing it wrong" "you have to do this" "do it this way not that way"....

    its frustrating

  • Haha! My favorite thing ever is when I get asked questions about my twin girls and then whoever I'm speaking with (and this always happens) ends their side of our conversation with my all time favorites...

    "Better you than me...", "Good Luck", "Oh, you poor thing!"....I mean come on....really? Is it that bad? I never thought so.

    And its always said with some horrified look on their face or sarcasm and its in that split second that I just smile and reply "Two is twice as nice." My hubby and I have been the subject of ridicule and praise everywhere we go.

    Anymore we let it roll off our shoulders, but its really bad when I take the girls anywhere alone. Here I am struggling to carry 2 car seats with my babies into a store and everyone looks like they pity me. Truth is, if I didn't love taking my girls anywhere and spending the time and effort to do it, I wouldn't.

    *~*What are little girls made of? Sugar and Spice and everything nice!*~*

  • Our first hasn't even been born yet and already I'm getting "advice" from friends and family, some of whom aren't even married!  I even hung up on my mother the other day and then shut my phone off so I wouldn't have to listen to it ring when she tried calling me back every 10 minutes for about 3 hours. 

    Adam and I are newlyweds and this is our first little miracle (he's got low fertility due to diabietes and I had cerivical cancer when I was 18), so we understand that we're going to need lots of help and advice.  However, when someone starts to get pushy or lecture one of us we both tend to bristle and feel resentful.  Most of the time people don't realize that they are getting out of line, because they feel that they are just trying to help.  I do my best to understand their point of view and, even if I don't agree, at least appreciate the intent of their "help".

  • In the end I find the only opinions that truely matter to me are my wifes, my daughters (though she's still working on tell me them Wink) and my own. I'm always open to help and advice, but when it comes down to it - we are going to raise our children the way we feel is best for them... And I respect that belief in others. Because I know that even if someone else asks for my advice or help, it doesn't mean they are going to take it (or even should) because everyone is unique and none of our circumstances are ever exactly the same.