Need to Vent!!

  • Hi, I have a 16 month old baby and a 1 month old baby, since my baby girl was born my husband stopped helping me take care of the children he always says he is busy or he comes home tired from work. I recently went back to work and everything got worst I dont get any sleep my 1 month old won't go to sleep I literally try evertyhing to get her to go to sleep but she won't, on some ocassions she will fall asleep around 3 or 4 in the morning. She cries a lot and wakes up my baby(boy) then I have to watch  both of them til they fall asleep I have to be at work at 7. My husbands always says that he does not hear them crying I literally think he is just acting stupid because both of them cry loud and get louder as the time goes by I just don't know how much longer I can take this I am really worn out. I am getting real tired of this situation that sometimes I just want to get out and leave my husband because he is not helping in any way and I know I didn't make the babies on my own. I just don' t know what to do anymore.

  • One night you need to sit your husband down and let him know how you are feeling. You need to tell him what he can do to help you out. Many husbands are unaware of the things that they could do to help their spouses. Tell him that you need his support and that things are difficult for you right now. Chance are he will appreciate your honesty and begin to help out a bit more. If he doesn't, then you may need to go to marriage counseling to determine why he is not more supportive. Is he stressed out at work? Afraid of parenting? Try to get him to open up about his feelings so you can both learn how to support each other. You owe it to your children to try and work things out with him...Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  • Hey, men are idiots! I'm just kidding...but it sounds stressful and my experience has been that many men will revert to childish behavior when overwhelmed with responsibility. My husband did the same thing with the first three. I am now pregnant with our fourth and he still describes himself as my child. What helped in my situation is sitting down and discussing our child-care responsiblities. We divide and conquer. Much of the care still falls to me but last diaper of the night is his. If I am taking care of one he has another and night-time and dinner prep is an every other day schedule. This, of course, does not mean that I haven't rolled over in the middle of the night and punched him to get him to wake up and do his job! If the kids are both fussy, I would wake your husband up and hand him a kid, but I have no patience for that kind of behavior. It will get better...

  • I know how you feel. My husband has two little girls from another women and we just had a baby girl. I thought since he had done this twice that he would be so helpful, since this was his third baby and my first. Boy was I wrong!! She is 3 months old right now and he doesn't help me with her at all. He will get up and shut the bedroom door when she is crying at night and just leave me in there to deal with a non-stop crying baby. She has the colic so it gets really bad but he doesn't help or even ask if I need help. I have thougth about leaving him several times but I love him and hope that it will change but it doesn't look good right now. Just know that you are not alone in this battle. Men sure like to make them but not take care of them. You are the better person and one day he will wish he would of done things WAY different!!

  • Hi. Sounds to me like your husband just might be LAZY. You really need to sit him down and lay it out for him. Tell him he needs to step up as a father and start acting like one because you're right! You didn't make those babies on your own. It gets a little frustrating being the nice person all the time and not say anything. Maybe you're just being to easy on him and he knows that you can take care of both kids on your own. If one parent loses sleep so does the other parent. It's supposed to be an even trade. Regardless if he works or not, you work also and he needs to realize and know how stressed out and tired you are. Cuz girl, if he gets mad at you for expressing your feelings to him about this and tries to make you look like the bad person then you need to put your foot down and give him an ultimatum!...Good luck with this and I hope all goes WELL!

  • OMG!!!!i know how u feel..... i have the same prob.....mabey mine and ur hubby were seperated at birth...i know its hard believe me i do. just hope he will get better even though me and u both know it prob. wont. and if hes close to his mom or has prob. goodluck trying to get a word in. bc my hubby is all oh poor me i have this wrong w me and that wrong w me but he wont see a dr. and i tried to tell his mom about his behavior thinking she would sympathize bc she had it done to her...of course she took his side and didnt see anything wrong w how he was or how he treats not gonna sugar coat it for you its rough and you cant change somone who wont change themself. i know it sucks but who knew we would be married to men who dont be honest my hubby was dif. b4 we had our first child then it was like all of a sudden it was up to me to do everything...but i do hope you make it through.... if u need to vent im listening.
  • I was in the same boat! My 15-month old still woke up occassionally if she needed changing or just consolation, and my 1-month old was up 2-4 times a night to breastfeed. I took 8 weeks off of work and went back full-time, and commute an hour each way. My hubbie is a huge help getting the kids after work and feeding and bathing them, but sleeps like a log, so I haven't gotten more than about 5 hours of sleep a night in the last 15 months! I finally put my foot down when I ended up crying in the middle of the night while tending to my baby who had a cold and couldn't sleep well due to congestion. I thought, why didn't I make the right financial choices when I was younger, so I had the option to stay home when my babies were small (and could stay home and nap with them during the day)? After my pity party, and after realizing that something had to change because I was snapping at hubbie all of the time and my work was starting to suffer, I put my foot down. I talked to hubbie and asked him if he could PLEASE get up to feed the baby a couple times a week so I could get a full night's sleep. He felt bad, and although he'd been sympathetic, it had never occurred to him to OFFER this. So I had to ASK. I think that's just a guy thing. Now he does it and of course doesn't like being tired, either, but by alternating nights, we both get some good sleep. And remember, THIS IS NOT FOREVER. Your babies will eventually sleep through the night, but be sure to ask for help. Don't leave your husband - then you'll have no help at all and will still have to work and get no sleep. And then you may take it out on the kids, which isn't fair. Good luck - my thoughts are with you!

  • i had the exact same thing happeen to babies where the same ages apart and husband had same excuse! i didn't have to go to work though. I told my husband if he didn't help i wasgoing to shut him out completely and i did and he still didn't change now its three years later and we had a third child still together he helps now I just don't think he was old enough to raise a family we were both in our earlt twenties so go figure lol you will get through!!!!!lol