When to have another one?

  • My husband and I are thinking of trying to get pregnant again in July and August.  Our first born will be one year old August 10th.  I've heard good and bad things about having kids close together.  I'm just trying to see if I'm crazy for wanting them close together, or if I should wait a little longer.  Is it really easier if there is a bigger age gap, or is it challenging either way?  

  • I think that the answer to both questions is yes. My girls are 8 years apart, and I swear I don't know how I would be able to manage without her help. She's my little one's best friend and when I need to get some work done or a time out, I can send the two of them off to play together and just lightly supervise.

    That said, parenting kids at two vastly different ages brings its own challenges. Like this morning on the way to school, I told my 10-year-old the truth about the tooth fairy. She then turns to her 2-year-old sister and tells her the tooth fairy fairy tale and gets her all excited to get a coin under her pillow. While I'm trying to manage the older one's feelings about realizing that she's been mislead her whole life, I also have to get the baby to understand that she's not going to get money from a fairy for a few years -- something she has no concept of.

    In all, a large difference was what was right for me. But every family is different.

  • Mine are 28 months apart. They play great together, but are a handful. I wish I had started a little earlier and spaced them out four years each. I am a neat freak and like to be in control of things. I think a person who is more laid back than myself would do really well with children close together.

  • I say go for it.  I have three kids under three right now - 14 months between the first two and 18 months between the middle and youngest. Although it is extremely challenging with the three of them, I think having two close together is not as bad as people think.  It is a little challenging at times, because you can't reason with either of them to keep them from fighting over toys or silly things like that, but as they get older, I think it is becoming way easier.  I think once they are both over three, it will be absolutely great.  They will have constant playmates and friends, and I hope they will be close as they get older.  My own siblings and I are spaced 7 years apart, and although I'm sure it was easier for my mom in many ways, we just didn't have that sibling closeness growing up.  Just my thoughts . . .

  • mntnmama- That sounds like a lot of work and a lot of fun. Do they all sleep well? That is another reason I want my next spaced out. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 17 months old and my son gets up at 5-6am. I've been one sleepy mama!

  • It may not work out exactly how you want it to! You could just not use birth control and see what happens. Let God decide how close he want them to be. It took me 18 months to get pregnant the second time! Of course once you have 2 you'll never have sex again soo...

  • I say go for it! My fiance and I are planning on trying again in 6 or 7 months. We'd both like to have our children relatively close in age and we want to be young parents. Obviously not too young, we're both 22. What I mean is, we want to be able to run around and have all the energy we need to raise our children.  We would like three kids, and for them to be about 18 months apart each.

  • I think it all depends on personal experience. I am roughly 2 years apart from my sister and my wife is 2 from her sister and about 6 or 7 from her brother. We both agree we do not want our children as close as 2 years because of the rivalry we experienced growing up. We are planning the 2nd child for between 3 and 4 years to give them independence but not be so far apart they can't relate to one another.

  • I have a 7 yr old and  3 month old girls who are of course 7 years apart... I dont know what i would do if they were any closer... If I need a minute or two, normally my 7 yr old takes her sister and lets me calm down... She is like a little mommy... She loves her sister and just loves showing her off to everyone... My 7 yr old does get a little whinny sometimes but her dad and I just switch off with the baby and play with her... Its up to you... When in doubt I say just wait a little while longer...Maybe your just not ready but good luck...

  • I dont think there is a right answer.  My husband & I want our kids close together.  We both have siblings that are within 18m-2 yrs of us and are glad.  There was a lot of sibling rivelry in my family growing up with my sisters but I think that had more to do with us being the same gender than how close we were to each other in age.  Its easier to have siblings play together when there close in age. My Brother in law is 7yrs from his brother and they never do anything together as children or as adults.  They were raised as only children under the same roof because of the age difference.  Even though they biologically have the same parents, the parents change in 7 yrs and their parenting style changed too.  I know that caused resentment in their home and in the boys relationship as adults.

  • I think that different things are right for different parents.  My oldest brother is pushing 40, I have 2 more brothers that are also over the age of 30, I'm 24, and my little brother is 18.  We have significant age gaps because my mom and dad were both married before and they both had children with their other spouses.  I think that we all got along okay, but we don't have very close relationships now.

    Personally I thought I'd have about 3 years between children, but due to divorce it didn't turn out exactly like that.  My daughter is 4 now and my fiance and I are expecting a son in June.  I'm thinking that we may decide not to have any more children, but I'd like to keep our option open since we're still young (he just turned 22)  If we do have another we're thinking probably another 3 years.  I just don't know how people have them closer together!  I feel like I already have my hands full between my daughter, my job, and taking care of the house.

    Anyway, it all depends on what you think you can handle.  I think that parenting is a challenge regardless of the age gap, but I think it would be much more difficult to deal more than one baby or toddler.  My daughter is potty trained so I only have to worry about changing one child's diapers, making bottles for one child, etc.  I can see how it would be easier as they get older though.  I'm sure that there will be rivalry, but they'd be close enough in age that they could play with the same toys, read the same books, watch the same movies.  And if they're the same gender you can easily pass down any clothing or baby gear.  I sold all my gear from my daughter, but saved the clothes.Sad I could have used the gear for my son, but now I have to try to sell the clothes, there's no way I'm holding onto them for another 4 years "just in case"  Good luck with your decision, let us know what you decide to do!

  • -SQUEEKERS83-

    I'M IN YOUR SITUATION..EXCEPT FOR THAT MY HUBBY WOULD LIKE US TO WAIT AT LEAST 3 YEARS..MY BABY IS 3 MONTHS OLD..I WOULD LIKE TO CONCEIVE BEFORE MY SON TURNS 1 YEARS OLD..ONLY BECAUSE I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER..THEN AS THE KIDS GET OLDER FAMILY STUFF IS GOING TO BE JUST AS FUN FOR BOTH CHILDREN..I IMAGINE MY SON TURNING 3 YEARS OLD AND I'M PREGNANT AGAIN..IT'S GOING TO HE HARD..GOING BACK TO THE OLD ROUTINES..NOT SLEEPING..BUT, LIKE I SAID MY HUBBY WANTS US TO WAIT..SO, WE'RE STILL DEBATING..ME AND MY TWO SISTERS ARE ALL 3 YEARS APART..AND WE'RE ALL BEST FRIENDS. MY LITTLE SISTER IS 20, I'M 23, AND MY OLDER SISTER IS 26 (2 MONTHS PREGNANT). BUT REALLY, I THINK EITHER WAY..IT WORKS WELL! MY HUBBY'S MAIN CONCERN IS THAT HE WANTS TO STRICTLY FOCUS ON OUR SON..UNTIL THE NEXT ONE..WHICH HE WOULD LIKE 3 YEARS FROM NOW..

  • Hi Sqeekers83, 

    My name is Karry and this is the first time I am posting.  I am a mother of 4 kids ages 11, 5, 3 and almost 6 mos.  I am also the third of four siblings.  I feel the kids close in age get along the best.  My 11 year old holds alot of resentment towards the 5 year old and has since the beginning.  I didn't want to have them so far apart.  I tried for 4 years to get pregnant.

      My oldest sister, Sarah also has resented my other older sister, Denise all through out our childhood and even now (they are 44 and 39) Sarah still gets a little bitter toward Denise.  However, Denise and I are only 23 months apart and we are the closest of the four kids.   We had rough moments growing up, but as adults we are the best of friends!  I am not as close the Sarah or my younger sis who is 5 years younger than me.

    I feel you should have them close, before the older child is mature enough feel the resentment. 

    Good Luck!