Should dad be out of picture?

  • Around the time I got pregnant, my boyfriend of 10 months and I had been going our seperate ways. (Well I was trying, he refused to leave me alone.)   

    now that i am 17 weeks, he is still as much trouble as before, and not to mention he has hurt me since I got pregnant and I put a restraning order on him.  he's jobless, in and out of jail and lives off his parents (sometimes homeless)

    He says that he wants to be in the baby's life, but not unless I am with him too. sometimes he changes his story and says that he wants nothing to do with it.     Is it better if I try to let him have a part in the baby's life when it is born, or should I go with my plan and:

    keep him off the birth certificate, dont ask for child support (it would be his mom's money anyway), and speak to him never again?

  • My mom's friend had the SAME problem-

    Leave him outta the picture!

  • Ya I would leave him out too. The less stress in you and your babys Life the little easier it will be for you guys.

  • You are responsible for the safety of your child. If the father of your baby is dangerous, then it is best to cut ties with him now before the baby gets caught in the middle. There are resources in your community that can help you get on your feet and provide for your baby on your own. You do not need the drama, the danger or the complications that this father seems to bring. If he decides to change his life later down the road and matures, you can always introduce him to his baby then. Until then, I would keep the restraining order and focus on moving on with your life and your plans WITHOUT the father.
  • hey your problem with your babys daddy is almost the same problems i've got with mine.  except i dont even know where he is and cant get in touch with him.  the way i look at it is if he cared at all he would atleast call and stuf. but he hasn't so i'm done and tired of being nice and then him just hurting me and not appreciating it.  b/c one day he will realize what he did and what he should have done! but good luck girl and my baby is due in august we should talk and get to know each other! 

    *Ashley*

  • First off its you are very smart to think about it now. My oldest daughter is 7 years old, when i was with her dad we were back and forth off and on. Finally when she was 3 years old she came home from her dads(one weekend a month) and said she had a new stepmom. I had enough, I filled for full custody and support. It was the hardest thing i had ever done, i grew up in a one parent home and always wanted the other there. Now 4 years later almost 5 later, he hasnt seen her in 3 years hasnt ever sent a card or anything. THe best thing for kids is stability and consitancy. the only good thing he has done for MY daughter is be constitant about being out of her life. Its a tuff road but so worth it. Good Luck and please take everyones advice early than later people really do have good advice, i wish i would have.

  • You must first think of what is in your child's best interest. Would this man make a good father figure and role model? If not, then you should walk away. If so, then try to make things work. It does not sound like he is a stable individual, both emotionally or mentally. If he has hurt you, then he will continue to hurt you and may even hurt your child. I would avoid having him in your baby's life if he poses a danger. If he truly wants to be a father and he has proven to you that he has changed, then ask him to get counseling and classes for anger management and slowly work him back into your life. You have to think about your safety and well-being, but most importantly, the safety and well-being of your infant.

  • Move On!  Your Better Off without him! Trust me. I been down that road before. Just be more careful about who you get involved with the next time because you have your baby to look out for as well now. If you do get involved with someone never settle for less & always look for all those red flags. There are nice guys out there, I was single for 2 years before i meet my husband.

  • My 18 year old daughter just had a baby and is not in touch with the father.  She is living at home and her and the baby are just fine and doing great.  Her boyfriend has a drinking problem, was not a nice person, controlling, etc.  Being with him and having him involved would have been a mistake for her. 

    She has a stable family life living at home and father figures with my husband and teenage son who all adore the baby.  She also did not list him on the birth certtificate and is not receiving child support.  I truly believe our situation is best by not having the father in the picture as he is constantly fighting and trying to control my daughter.  I thought it would only be worse after the baby was born if he was still around. 

    She cut off all ties with him when she was pregnant telling him she wanted to stay at home and raise the baby with the help of her family (me, my husband, and my parents).  He did not like that and has not talked to her since.  He thought getting married (at 18!) was the answer.  I'm glad she came to her senses!  She is scheduled for college in the fall continuing her dream of becoming an engineer.  We will help her every step of the way.

    You really need to think of yourself and the baby at this time and do what's best for the two of you.  Hopefully you have family and friends who are supportive.  People dont change and if your boyfriend physically hurt you then there is a good chance it will happen again.  Good luck to you and your child. 

  • I am 11 weeks pregnant right now and going through the same thing. BE SELFISH. This isnt about this man and you anymore. This is about YOU and BABY. You need to do what is in the best interest of you as the mommy and for your baby. You are all that baby has to protect it. What I am doing is not putting my babys daddy on the birth certificate either. Men like them will make it very hard to collect child support and if you put him on the birth certificate then he will have just as much say for this child as you do, and that is not a good thing. Dont put him on the Birth Cert. It costs money for a paternity test and time. Men like him wont put all that effort into something like that so youll most likely be safe. Stay strong about the restraining order. Dont let him in your or the babys life. It can be hard but its better than a lifetime of dealing with that kind of human being. Im going to do everything myself that I have just explained to you. Good luck and stay strong!!
  • he can't decide wether he wants anything to do with the baby or not? sounds like he just uses the baby as leverage to manipulate his relationship with you. a man who uses a baby as leverage is not a man and should definitely not be a father. i would lose contact with him and stick with your plan. once the baby arrives and you have time you can move on and find a real man who is good for your baby and you. good luck!

  • Even if you cut ties as I did with my daughters father doesn’t mean it wont stop him from popping back up years down the road as my daughters dad did, he was gone for 2 years after 2 separate cases of abuse and neglect then one day we got a petition on our door step for visitation out of the clear blue! All I am saying is get him to sign over his rights so that he can never come back and then cut your ties and never look back it will be the best for your baby in the end, I am going through so much drama know trying to get him to sign over his right so my new husband can adopt her!!!!!!!

  • I was in the same situation 5 months ago. Don't let him fool you into thinking the baby would be better if you two are together because if you do not trust him, then it will be that much worse.. It is a hard decision to keep him out of the baby's life, but when you have the baby, you only want to focus your attention on the baby, not worrying about your ex and what he might do. You probably have a great support system in family like I do, and hang on to that, because that's all you need. Think about the well-being of your child, not the well-being of your ex. Hope this helps.

  • I was in the same situation 5 months ago. Don't let him fool you into thinking the baby would be better if you two are together because if you do not trust him, then it will be that much worse.. It is a hard decision to keep him out of the baby's life, but when you have the baby, you only want to focus your attention on the baby, not worrying about your ex and what he might do. You probably have a great support system in family like I do, and hang on to that, because that's all you need. Think about the well-being of your child, not the well-being of your ex. Hope this helps.
  • i had the same problem with my now 7 year olds father.. He would stalk me and pressed charges of assault when i broke up with him and protected myself against him hitting me.. I did not put him in the picture.. My daughter asked why she didn't have one, and i just told her she didn't need one... she has her pop pop and uncles.. Well 7 years later i am with an awesome guy, we now have a 2month old together.. and my 7 year old has an awesome father.. if you didn't know it you would assume she was his, they act alot alike....good luck,,,