Should dad be out of picture?

  • This is a very hard decision to make as a mother, I don't think that dads understand where we come from and how we feel about certain things, First off if he says he only wants to be in the babies life if your with him then he don't truely want to be in the babies life he just thinks thats a way to keep you and just because you have a baby together doesn't mean you have to be together in fact I thought that once upon a time and it's not healthy for the kid/kids involved they feel that tension, Maybe if he wants to be in the babies life no matter what then maybe you could give him to option of visiting the baby with you or someone you trust there just to make sure the baby is in a safe enviroment unless you trust his parents with the baby.  It's a mother's job to protect her child even if it's a hard thing to do such as keep the baby away from the other parent. i guess i just realized you posted this back in May so you've probably already got things figured out. I wish you luck and hope every thing has or will work out.

  • i know exactly how you feel but if i was you keep him he could change my boyfriend was just like that and now he has job going to school and now i dont have to work at all he does it all just tell him change your ways or im donee for good and than if is anwser is not what you wantedd than good bye and be a strong mom for yourself and your baby

    do whats best for you and your baby its not all about himm now

    GoodLuck(:

  • Hi,

     

    I had the same problem with the father of my child. He was a part of her life for about the first year if that, he was not able to get his life together and stop drinking so I cut ties with him. It was very hard but I thought about my daughter first and she is happy now. I believe all kids should have a father but only if they can have a actually father. Not one that will put them in harms way and impact their life in a negative way. What your doing is the right thing.

  • I don't think that he can choose to be in his children's life. He is and always will be 1/2 responsible for him/her. Even if he is not on the Birth Certificate, he helped create him/her. He needs to realize that having a baby is not a sports car or a youtube video, he can't just return it, or sell it or abandon it. This child is NEVER going away, and will probably out live him. Furthermore, if he can't even hold a job, he is not in the position to be making deals or telling you what you need to do so that he stays in his own child's life. need to step up to the plate and be a man. Unfortunetly, it doesn't sound like this is happening any time soon.

    If you do decide to raise this child on your own, then you should try and get as much financial and emotional support as you can while you can. And as for asking for child support, I want you to remember: YOUR NOT ASKING, YOU ARE ENTITLED TO IT. The child support is for the BABY, and if used wisely it could help you out a lot with formula and food. And in regards to, "...don't ask for child support (it would be his mom's money anyway)..." I wanted say that it doesn't matter where the money is coming from. It took two people to make this baby and if he can't be a responsible parent, then he needs to be at least financially responsible to the baby.

    And although I always encourage the mom's to think about the relationship between her baby and their father. I don't know that this relationship would be very healthy. Perhaps wait a few years, I have noticed that men get scared of babies and when they get scared they tend to run. Perhaps waiting till the baby is 2 or 3 years old (when they can interact and be more active and communication isn't so hard) would encourage a relationship. But whatever decision you do decide, you don't necessarily need to make the decision RIGHT away, or even after the baby is born. You can wait and see how things play out as far as making an effort at the relationship.

    Your little baby has tied you and him to each other's life forever. But I'm confident you'll find a way to enjoy motherhood, life, and your child without the drama that the baby daddys bring. I hope you the best of luck through the rest of your pregnacy and I hope I have helped in a small way.

  • honestly i think you would be better off without him if you allow him in your babies life and hes hurt you, all hes going to do is startt drama, possibly hurt you again and maybe you're child, not to mention stressing you out!

  • You took the words right out of my mouth! Some girls think the "boy" will change once the baby gets here.  They do, but for the worse! I've seen it happen 100% of the time.  I have never seen not a one become a caring, responsible man for both his girl and his baby. They always use the baby against the mother to get her to do what they want.

  • im 8 months pregnant and have the exact same problems except hes on drugs real bad. i am opting to leave him out of his sons life . if he cant prove to me he can straighten up then he does not deserve to be there.

  • If someone poses a danger to you or your child, it is your responsibility to do everything you can to prevent them from causing you harm. You really owe it to yourself and your baby to keep your expectations realistic. I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

  • I had the same problem with my son's sperm donor. I kept him away from my baby, but i did put him on the birth certificate. When my son was two, I married a wonderful man. We had been childhood friends. After he returned from Iraq, we married. My son's sperm donor died in an accident because he was drunk. My son is almost eight. he knows the truth and loves his daddy, my husband. We are now expecting our second child. I can tell you from experience, social security pays his benefits on time. But you have to make the decision. I made mine after I was thrown against a wall when I was 7 month along. I was placing the safety of my child above all else. He is the sweetest and most loving child. have faith that all will work out because life has a funny way of doing that.

  • you are 100% right holy smokes i am going though the same thing.  

  • I believe you should go with your plan. However if in the future he gets a job and cleans up his act it will be difficult for you to get any support. Focus on  you and your child and hopefully he will realize what he is missing by not being in your child's life.