Single Parenting

  • I am pregnant for the first time and I am not married. As a matter of fact, I prefer to have as little contact with the baby's father as possible. (It's a long story, but he's not a nice guy) I'm only about 9 weeks along, and I know I have a lot of time to think about things, but I'm unsure of whether or not I want to keep the baby or do an open adoption with a couple I know very well. I am 21, and I am really wanting to do whats best for the baby all the way. Now situation aside, I am curious if people have opinion from personal experience or what not, on single parenting vs. growing up with both parents. I'm wanting to take a look at this issue specifically so that when I make my final decision, I feel that it is the best one I could make. I would love to hear anything from advise you have for being a single parent to opinions on the subject of mom vs. mom and dad. Thank you so much for your input! 

  • My ex left me about a minute after I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was devasted to be sure, and considered adoption. After a lot of thought and prayer, I decided to keep the baby. I figured that this might be my only chance to have a child and I didnt want to turn it down. It was hard to say the least. Everyone asks you if dad is excited, or what dad says, etc. Its extremely hard to date (and gets worse once the baby comes). And generally i thought that most of my friends felt sorry for me. There will be things that you will have to ask for help with, that you probably dont want help with. You will have to swallow your pride and do it. But all in all, I dont regret my decision to keep my baby. He is the absolute joy of my life. Its expensive and its hard and there are times where you want to scream out HELP ME! But more than that there are times when he looks at you and smiles. Cries for you and is only soothed by you. And that makes it worth it. So, the moral of my story is: its hard, it hurts, but it is worth it.

    To help me get through it, I created a scrapbook of just my pregancy, but thats what I do. When life gets tough, I scrapbook :)

    lastly, even if you dont want the dad involved, you need to create a relationship with his checkbook :)

    Good luck!

  • Thank you so much, that is really encouraging! It made me cry a little, but some of that may be the hormones. :) Also I'm way ahead of you on the checkbook. That will be the first thing to happen when the baby is born! 

  • I know how you 8 months pregnant and i went the last 4 or 5 months with out my babys dad.i dont want nothing to do with him either.and it aint easy going through the "prelabor pains" with out someone there.But my family has been a HUGE support..just do what you think is right for the baby..i grew up with only a dad and it wasnt easy but i liked it better that daughters only going to have a mom in her rather have it that way.but if you think it would be better for the baby and if you know the couple you want to adopt your baby to then go for it.if you know them then you should still be able to see the baby and maybe they will let you be the godmother.just listen to your heart and do what you think will be right..dont listen to everybody else.they might end up steering you in the wrong direction.

  • I find it encouraging that you ladies (We ) are supporting one another. Often in the situation, you think you are alone and there is no one else experiencing what you are experiencing. Alike you all, I am desiring to raise this child alone as well as I am also the the mother of a brilliant 12 year old, (talk about a long stretch and starting over). I am getting support from friends and haven't told as many in my family. I guess we, (as women) sometimes steer from that, since we do not want to feel outcast or scrutinized by anyone, as some people can make you feel.  I have come to the conclusion through faith and prayer, that situations are allowed for purposes to make us stronger. As long as you are confident in who you are, press past the insecurities, building up your self esteem, and having faith in the One that carries you during tough times- You will be okay. Meditate on positivity, think on good things, and do not let anyone discourage you from your dreams. Life is too short to let anyone tear you and your spirit down. Continue to be of good cheer, and continuously utilize prayer during the overwhelming and anxious times. It is often said that tests and trials we go through make us stronger, not only for ourselves, but for others that may encounter the same thing. Just looking at your comments, have assisted in my faith and assurance that everything will work out and be okay. I hope that I have helped you all as well.

  • So great to read about all the support out there. The honesty is great - hard but worth it when you raise a child on your own. I thought I would just throw a little bit about adoption out there. My family is a blessed family for having several people in it that otherwise would not be unless they had been put up for adoption. Two of my cousins and one of my aunts were adopted. We love them so dearly and I cannot imagine life without them. All three of them had mothers that loved them and cared dearly about them but knew they were not ready to parent them. They have all gone on to live very satisfying and full lives. Hopefully, this might provide a little perspective on the adoption side of things. I know the decision ahead of you is a tremendous one and we are all rooting for you and on your side. Let us know how are you doing. *hugs*

  • Hello Nadia3020!!!

    I am also pregnant for the first time and not married. I actually grew up in a single family home after my parents divorced when I was around 5 months old. I have a very dedicated mother, who is hard working and provided the best that she could for us. I am not saying that it is going to be easy, but I feel that it is all about how hard you work to make the best of the situation. Babies aren't the end of the world, and people have been raising children alone for years. Before you make your decision about whether or not adoption or raising the baby by yourself is right for you, look deep inside of yourself and think about how Nadia would feel, how is Nadia able to provide for your baby, and how strong and hard working is Nadia before you make your decision. You have some time to think about your decision, and don't put a lot of pressure on yourself.  Take it one day at a time. Your decision is going to come to you, but just try to relax. I don't know if you are religious, but praying has really helped me through the last 6 months of pregnancy.

    I hope this help!

  • I'm single and I'm 7 weeks.  I am new to this discussion board and I don't know how to reply to one of the other messages I had responded to but anyway! This was not a planned pregnancy and the father of my child only wants to be there for me monetarily which is fine with me.  He wants to be friends even though I've known him for over 12 years and we dated.. This is how all this happened. Now he is bailing! He already has kids with 2 ex wives and I feel like an idiot for even giving him a chance but I can't dwell on "what if' or "whys".  I am wanting to start a journal because I'm starting to feel all the hormones in my body go a little crazy.  I've been super emotional and I end up laughing at myself because I don't know why I'm crying! It's driving me nuts! Anyway someone help me please to navigate this discussion board/website.  I'd love to be more involved.  Congrats to all the new mothers and hopefully we can stick together!

  • I can only say that whatever decision you make that you are 100% sure that its the right one for you. Your 21 so your still young. Just go through all your options write down a cons/pros list and see where that takes you.