Help! My 7 week old won't bond with father-i'm afraid to go back to work!

  • My husband and I just had our son Ian 7 weeks ago, and he vowed this time he would be a good father (with our daughter he was hardly there for her her first year and they never bonded).  I was a stay at home mom with our daughter her first 2 years so I was never worried about him b/c I was with her constantly.  With our son tho, I have to return back to work in another week and a half and I'm scared to leave him with his father.  His father is very high strung and can get angry very easily, and though I know he wouldn't do anything to hurt him, I'm afraid his tension really upsets my son.  Also, whenever I try to let my husband take care of our son, he just cries and cries in my husband's arms and my husband does nothing to try to console him-he will just sit him up on his lap and let him scream the point where his face is red and he can't breathe!  I've tried to talk to my husband about this and told him ways to console him and bond with him, but he just gets mad at me and shuts any suggestions I have out.  What am I gonna do when I go back to work?  I'm so afraid that when I'm gone my husband is just going to ruin all of our son's trust in us.  What am I going to do?  I can't not go back to work b/c we need the money and daycare is out of the question b/c its so expensive there's no point in me to go back to work then.  What should I do?  how can I discuss this with my husband?  will my son be ok if my husband just lets him cry?

  • I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now. I would recommend that you continue to search for other daycare options...maybe a relative or a friend who can help you out until your husband bonds with your son. It is not a good situation for the baby or the father and I think you are right to be concerned. Try your best to find a time when you can talk to your husband about your concerns and allow him to voice his frustrations and concerns as well. Keep the lines of communication open between you and do your best to find another solution before you go back to work. Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

  • What a tough situation you are facing - I think you are right to have some concerns and questions in your heart. It is important that your son have his needs met by your husband but also for your husband to demonstrate that he can give effective and loving care to your son. I'm not sure what exactly to suggest but do you have other family nearby that can help you with watching your son? I think your husband needs to hear your concerns somehow and you might consider telling him that if he can't really talk to you about it one on one, that you would like to go to a counselor. Hang in there and keep us up to speed.