i want my own house my privacity!!!

  • hi everyone... how many of you have your own house, your own space where you can spend time with your kids and your partner,  your privacity!!! i live with my father and mother-in-law, and my husband's brothers (two houses in the same adress, we live in one of them). we have been living here since i was pregnant of my first child (4 or 5 years ago). the benefit is that we don't have to give montly payments to anyone, but still we have to pay some of the bills for this adress. the problem is that every morning my fahter-in-law used to come into the kitchen and say good bye to my son before going to work... those are good feelings, im glad of that!!! now that our second baby arrived (april 13), i thought he was going to do the same thing, but you know that newborns used to cry all night, so that morning i decided to stay on bed for a while. now guess what...he knocked the door of my bedroom and got inside to see the baby because we were not at the kitchen where we use to be... hey... what if i'm bresfeeding, what if i'm in underwear. i mean, i know this is his house, but we need privacity too. he could see the baby later or in the afternoon. the whole family come in, and they don't even knock the kitchen door, my husband's brothers play playstation here, they exercise here (it is still their house)and i have to pass throw that room in case i want to go to the restroom. i can't wear something comfortable to sleep (shorts or those spageti shirts) because if they are in the livingroom i have to change my clothes so i can go to the kitchen juust to drink water. any advice??? buying a house costs o lot of money and a bank loan will cost double!! i don't want to live here for ever!!!!

  • Prisy-

    Oh gosh that does sound like a hard living situation.  I can very much understand wanting a lave of your own.  I think it might be important to try to find a quiet place for an hour a day.  Even if this means taking  walk, going to park, wandering around target...just somewhere you can go with baby and be alone and tot thinking about what's going on at home.  That may become your refuge!!  Keep us posted,

    Jess

  • I agree with Jess. I also feel it is important to properly communicate your feeling to your extended family as it is a delicate situation. Many families starve for the type of positive involvement that your in-laws seem to be providing, but they obviouslty need to be more sensitive to your needs. It shouldn't be hard for them to understand that entering your bedroom or being around when you are half-dressed is a violation of your privacy. However, your extended family has been very generous to you and your family and you need to continue to be respectful. I think the best idea is for you to sit down with your husband, make a list of the things that make you uncomfortable, and come up with the best way to explain how you feel to them, without straining the relationship. How you communicate your feelings is key, so choose your words well! Good luck!

     

  • it is good to know that you all agree with me. but there is a proble!!!! it is not easy as you think, my father-in-law has a different way of thinking than his wife, im sure that if i talk to him about my feelings is going to get upset or mad. you know, we are a mexican family, and sometimes talking to other with the best maners is not enough to fix the problems. he is like those mexican man with a strong character and humor. last week he was in the swiming pool with my husband's sister, and asked my son (4) to get in the water, my son refused because the water was very cold, even that, my father-in-law didn't care and took my little into the water. of course that made me mad, so i relaxed and stayed quiet. next, i notice that he was not taking care of my son in a 5" high pool, it was my husband's sister (10) the one that was holding him, so i told him that it was more comfortable for me that my child sould be care by an adult. he changed his face (got mad) and told me that there was nothing wrong that that girl being caring my son, i mean, what if he fells into the water, i dont think that girl is going to be able of bringing him to the surface (her neck almost reach the surface). what i did was crying because i didt like the way i spoked to me, so i told my husband and came outside with me to see what was happening. my father-in-law saw my red watering eyes and notice i was crying, he didnt say anything, just took my  son with him, so he could take care of him. now guess what?? since that day he doesnt say any word to me, you know what i mean???

  • It is difficult when you are confronting people who have different ways of communicating. Is there any way you can talk to your husband about getting your own place? If not, then you need to find ways to either accept their involvement or work around it. It is a tricky situation, but it is their house and that makes it more problematic. See if you can get your husband to intervene and talk to his parents as well.