Son leaves me and crys at mothers house need some help

  • Hey my name is Kenny and I have a son who will be 5 months on the 7th of October me and his mom are separated but still trying to co-parent together. I wasn't in his life for the first 2 months due to his mother's decisions but I've been able to see him pretty often for the last 2 months mainly just around my ex.  Now here comes the problem  I just recently moved into a place and have a roommate who is older and a great lady I've had my son over a few times and he so far has stayed the night with me three times. Each time he has been with me he has been a happy baby laughing and smiling the whole time. I spoil my son cause he deserves the best from me. but His mother comes and picks him up the next day and tells me that when he gets back home he doesn't want to do anything but scream for her and act fussy.  She tells me its from him being uncomfortable over at my house due to the new settings and also cause he is around new people my roommate and sometimes her family. I was having trouble believing it cause he acts so happy when he is with me. Ive heard of separation anxiety but don't know if that's what it is. She told me that if this continues she isn't going to bring him over as often and we will need to work something else out. I really need some advice on how to help him with the change.

  • It sounds like you are in a tough spot with your ex and new baby. Just try talking to her about how he acts when he is at your house and try to get her to understand that it is a big adjustment for everyone, but if you stick with a routine (ANY routine), things will get better quickly. Also, try discussing some ways you can both stick to a schedule with him or parent him in similar ways so he isn't so confused. If you are holding him all day long and your ex isn't then he is bound to get confused as to why he can't be held at her house. Any common ground you can find would be great!!!

  • I think that MommyRN4 has some great advice!  Babies, even at your littles ones age, can sense change.  I think that if you met with your ex and come up with a "loose" schedule (so it doesn't feel overwhelming) that you can both follow as to keep something in his life consistent this may REALLY help.  Even if it's nap and meal times and thats it.  It's a bit early to see separation anxiety, that usually really kicks in around 9 months, but you never know for sure.

    I think it's great that you are taking an active role in your son's life, AND that you found the webboard AND reached out for some guidance.  You are doing an awesome job!

    -Jess

  • Thanks a lot to the both of you. Your recommendations have been excellent help. Since i have posted this me and my ex have made a schedule where i get him on the weekends and 1 day during the week.  He has been back over my house a few time and I asked her about what type of schedule he is on with her and tried to work with that. The last few times that he has went back home he was good for her but every time he leaves now i talk to him and although idk if he understands me or not I tell him your going home with mommy and ill see him later. Thanks a bunch!!!

  • I am so glad that things are getting better and that you and your ex were able to come up with a nice schedule for you both. Keep the lines of communication open with your baby's mother and it will be much easier to work through issues in the future. Good luck and Welcome to Strong Moms!!!

  • Great job on getting a schedule in place and keeping routines as consistent as possible for your little one. Babies LOVE routine and knowing what to expect, so you are right on track. I think it is absolutely fabulous that your son will know both his daddy and mommy and see them working together for his sake. Kudos to you. :-)