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  • I understand somewhat of what your going through. I have twin boys and I've been with there father for almost 3 years. He's the type to get a job and then quit it. So needless to say, I can't take the risk of moving in with him hoping he'll keep a job to support me, his boys and a household. So I live with my parents, a stable and loving place. He refuses to come spend time with the boys here. We argue all the time and he dosen't understand why I won't move in with him. I can't explain anymore how I feel about the situation. He just dosen't get any of it. So I get what your saying about the whole "helpin out" thing. Its all me doing everything plus some. Don't get me wrong, when my parents have a minute from there hectic schedules, they are a big help but for the most part, I'm alone. And women can never give up the responsibility, men can come and go as they please. But my opinion is, He may love you and your daughter, but might be afraid to get to attached thinking one day the baby's father will pop back into your life and then he'd be out of it. If you asked him many times and he keeps saying everything is ok, maybe it is. Maybe he just needs time to think about things to make sure he knows what hes getting into or maybe he feels differently because she isn't really his and he can skip out on a lot of that stuff. Love is not a word that should be thrown around, if he truely does, he will come around. I would give him more time and be supportive and you'll figure things out eventually. Thats what I would do anyway. Good Luck to you and my only other advice...Don't get hung up on your boyfriend, enjoy every second with your daughter and feel proud of yourself for all your doing. I think its a great feeling after dealing with everything all day and putting them to bed. Another day is done and everyone is happy. Besides, you don't have time in your schedule to be worrying about how he feels. Who worries about how you feel? Hardly no one. I hope all that encourages you if nothing else.

  • It sounds like you are having quite a frustrating time. Not only are you still healing and trying to find your way as a new mother, you're finding that your partner is not there in the way either of you expected. This is a common situation for new parents.

    Can I ask how old he is? That may have a big impact on his reaction. If he's around your age, the reality of just what the relationship you're in may have just hit him. He may be thinking about his future and considering if being a father is something he's really ready to handle. He may also be having issues with the fact that he's not the baby's biological father that he doesn't want to admit, even to himself.

    Another thing to consider is that a lot of times dads/stepdads/father figures and even moms have one idea of how life will be once the baby comes, only to find that it's totally different from what they expected. It doesn't become real until the baby is actually there and needs you and you don't know to what extent your life will change as a result of a baby until you live through it.  I went through something similar with my ex, and he was 21 and I was 20 at the time.

    What you should try to keep in mind is that no matter what his issues are or whether or not he's around today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now, your relationship with your baby is most important right now. Boyfriends come and go, but you and your baby are forever.