Engagement?

  • The other day my boyfriend (father of my daughter) asked me if I wanted to help finance my engagement ring( bc his credit is iffy bc of college days and he doesn't know how long it will take to fix). Since my credit is pretty high it'd be better to finance it. I want to marry him, but money is already tight for us, and I really don't want to worry about another payment on something. I really want to wait until we at least save up some money period, let alone for a ring and wedding. Sooo, what do I do?

    When he asked I was driving, and really just sat there with a huge smiles saying idk. I want to talk to him about it, but I really don't know how to bring it up. Any ideas?

  • If money is tight, you could still get married. You could opt for a small and simple gold band for now with the promise that in time when things improve, you will get a larger diamond...maybe for your 5 year anniversary. It's really about spending the rest of your life with someone...not about the ring, the dress, or all that other stuff. If you really do want to have a large wedding, then begin planning a budget and promise to get engaged when you reach a certain amount of savings. 

  • I'm not even sure what kind of wedding he wants. We've never really discussed details, but a budget is definitely a good start.

  • I'm not sure if you have seen the movie Father of the Bride, and this may be really cheesy, but in the movie the couple got this ring at a flea market in Europe for their engagement.  Not that your going to be going to a flea market in europe, but what this made me think about is that it's really the meaning behind the ring that is important and not the size or the jewel.  It might be really cool for you two to think of somewhere you have been that was really meaningful in your relationship, OR create a new memory by taking a day trip somewhere, and maybe find a ring that represents a special time together there.  Just find something symbolic for now-perhaps at a street fair or market.  Then in ten years look to replace it, or enhance it with a ten year ring that speaks to the money/jewel.

    Relationships are what you make of them, and so you can create the symbolism too.

    :)  -Jess

  • So true jess.. and whoever said the ring has to be new? My engagement ring is my fiances grandmother's ring. It wasn't her engagement ring but my wedding ring is her wedding ring. My engagement ring is a rose with a ruby in the center and a smaller diamond inside of a rosebud. It may not be the fanciest of rings but his grandma meant the world to him and for him to give me one of her rings is incredibly special and speaks volumes about how much I mean to him.

  • That's a good point about the hand-me-down family ring. Sometimes those mean so much more because they are full of meaning and history.

  • My husband was a college student when he picked out my engagement ring. He had NO money. He got a ring that has a cubic zirconia instead of diamonds. No one can even tell and it cost about $100 that he paid in payments- he has since asked me if I'd like to pick out a real ring and I don't want to! This is the ring that he put on my finger when he proposed and I got married with...it's sentimental to me! Your ring can be very simple- the marriage is the part that matters. Congrats to you. :-) 

  • I know having a baby most often means you get a pretty decent income tax return back....maybe that would be a good idea on how to spend the next one or part of it anyways. That way you don't have to worry about taking on another bill or using your credit to finance it...Wink

  • la_d_like-

    What a great idea!  I also wanted to share that my mom gave me my Nana's engagement ring one christmas.  If i ever meet Mr Right i want that and only that ring.  I think family things are so meaningful, and terrific price ;).

    How are things going clarkf?

    -Jess

  • Not to discount the importance of a wedding and all the glamor associated with it, but you have a more important priority in your daughter. If money is tight, you would be foolish to scrimp and save or even go deeper into debt for a lavish wedding or expensive ring. By all means, get married and celebrate, but do it on the cheap. A barbecue with family and friends and a simple ring make more sense. It may not be the fairytale you imagined as a little girl, but it is the responsible thing to do.Take some of the money you are putting aside for a ring/dress/party and open a college savings account for your daughter. A wedding is special for what it represents over the course of a lifetime. A wedding reception is one day in your life, and a ring is a symbol of commitment that does not have to be ornate and expensive.

  • Clearly I haven't worded this the right way. And while many of you have given me ideas on what to say, I was really asking how I should bring it up and approach the situation. I already know that it's the sentiment that matters, and I honestly would prefer something more meaningful then glamorous. I was really asking how do I bring it up...which now seems like a silly question. Thank you for all the discussion material though.