SINCE WHEN ARE FATHER'S BABYSITTERS?

  • Since when is it okay for my baby's father (who we live with) to say "This is the last time I'm babysitting"! Then a few minutes later he changes it to " This is the last time I'm babysitting this week". Where did this come from you might ask? He recently took some time off work. This is the second week and he told me he would watch her today while I was at work so I wouldn't have to drive 30 minutes out of the way to the babysitter, which I did all last week except Friday so he could have a break. So this morning when I got out of bed she was just waking up herself. So I changed her diaper and went to fix her bottle. I woke him up and told him she's ready for a bottle. Before I could get out that I already fixed the bottle and would bring her and the bottle to our bed so he didn't have to get up he starts blowing up about why is she up this early, she's never up this early when I'm home (which is totally untrue it's her normal time). I become upset because he has NEVER had to get up with her. I do all of that and why because he worked so many hours I always wanted him to get as much rest as possible. It kills me that he could make such a statement, "This is the last time I'm babysitting.....this week." How would that make her feel if she understood what he said. And this is all shortly after he's appologetic til wee hours in the morning that I lost sleep listening too about all the crap he's been pulling lately. From appologetic and wanting to work on things to complete #$%&*#@. Then telling me he's going to get a lawyer and all this other stuff. I can't take it and I can't have my daughter in this huge mess!!!  I'm always left at home with her by myself whether he's working or gone doing whatever with friends, and he never asks me if it's okay for me to keep her it's a given that I do. But I have to ask first if he will keep her and I'm wrong if I just spring it on him without notice.

  • since Never... But men (most men) usually feel its not their Job to take care of their own kids.  Its the woman's responsibility. Some may not verbalize it, but they think it.  -and of course it comes out in ways like this... Big Smile    I guess you may have to have a sit down conversation with him to have a clear understanding on what your duties and and his are... that way when he says things like this, it won't be a shocker.  Dont get me wrong, there are some men that actually dont mind taking care of their own kids and don't act like they are "babysitting" (as if it were someone else's kid)   Trust me, my ex-husband said that to me 24 years ago.. and I was shocked and very disturbed by that because it told me how he was thinking.   Good luck!    (deep breaths)  

  • Ruano offered great perspective and thoughts on this.  I also think that the more that mom or dad cares for the kids the easier it becomes.  The kids get a good understanding of what those limits are and it feels less like "babysitting" and more like "just normal life".  I agree an honest and kind conversation prob. needs to happen.  Good luck and keep us posted,

    Jess

  • Thanks guys.... When I got home that day he offered his appology. His appology sounded pretty apathetic but none the less it was an appology. Then he gave me $200 to buy her some more clothes and pay the babysitter on Friday. This tells me that he must have known what a jerk he sounded like and thi money was his way of compensating and making himself feel better. Even though he's 34 years old he even admitted that he probably wasn't ready for a baby. Although I think he's done some growing up it doesn't seem like we have been the same since I became pregnant.

  • I'm glad to hear that you at the very least received and apology, even if it was half hearted. I know that i would have been LIVID if my fiance had even considered uttering those words to me. and he would have heard something along the lines of  "If you aren't ready to be a parent and help take care of YOUR child then maybe you should call me when you are"... May seem harsh, but i grew up without my dad only half in the picture and i REFUSE to allow that to happen to my daughter. None the less I don't think anyone is really ready to become a parent until they have filled the shoes for a little while and has had some time to adjust. I know that even I have had some moments where I would remember the days where i could just do whatever i wanted with careless abandon and miss those days, but then i snap back into reality and realize that i LOVE my daughter and would not change my decision to have her for anything in this world. I'm sure your boyfriend? feels the same, but is just having a hard time coming around to the fact that he can no longer be selfish. That doesn't excuse his actions, but maybe explains them a little.

     

  • I'm sorry you are dealing with all this. The other mothers have some good advice - I really would sit down and tell him that you need to clear the air on this. Dads don't baby sit - they take care of their children the same as mothers. If he can't agree with you on this, you'll have to tell him how this makes you feel. You said you feel like you can't even keep your daughter "in this mess", so he might want to know that you are actually feeling that way and perhaps, if he really wants to keep you, then he'd be willing to change. Maybe you all can figure out 1 or 2 set times per week that is "Daddy Time" and he gives you a break regardless of what you do. That might help lessen the load a little bit. Thinking of you. Hugs.