How do you get husband to help out more with the kids?

  • When we first brought our new baby home, everything was wonderful. But after the first few weeks, I quickly realized that I was doing the lion's share when it came to taking care of the baby. Since I was breastfeeding, my husband had gotten used to the idea that I alone could calm our cranky baby. After a few months, I grew tired and eventually resentful. After a long discussion, we finally agreed on ways he could help me out more, both with the baby and around the house. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon complaint with new mothers. What are some ways you've gotten your hubby to help out around the house? What special jobs does he do to take some of the load off of you each day?

  • Ask Daddy to take care of the baby as much as you can.  Ask for help! You will see a bond being developed.  In few days you don't even have to ask he will volunteer.

  • I am soo sorry that this is a prob for any mom! as I and everyone else knows that taking care of a child id way more than a 40 hr a wk job! I  am vary glad to say that this is not a prob for my house my hubby is such a big help! we have had many of talks on what would work for us and our home we have four children and are getting ready to have a nother! what we do is think of the things that would help me out the most like taking out the trash putting gas in the car taking kids to school and doing the shopping. and nomatter what dont ever think you dont have to ask for help some times scream for it!the best thing to do if you feel like he is not helping enough is make him a list it sounds petty but trust me it helps sometimes when you are so fed up it may come out crapy or dafinsive so if you nonshalont make a list for him and say hey I need some help can you do this it works no fights no attitude and you get what you need the most help! lets face it ladys men need trained and now its our jobs to help them out they dont have motherly instincs we do! so do yourself a faver and speak up you will never make it alone thats why it takes two to make a baby!

  • From a hubby's point of view, the first few months are tough. The baby doesn't rely upon you like he does Mommy, so sometimes it's easier for everyone involved (except mommy!) to maintain the status quo. That being said, the key is communication. We don't always know what needs to be done, so if you have needs, tell us. We want to help, but we sometimes have no clue!

  • i agree

  • It was the same way in our household. I was breastfeeding and off of work, so I did the majority of taking care of our son. However, we had agreed then when I went back to work, we were going to take turns getting up at night. I ended up switching to formula because my body stopped making milk, so that was actually the perfect opportunity for my husband to step up and share the load. I am still the one that takes care of our little guy most of the time, but my husband is getting better. Like the dad said above, just let them know...they aren't mind readers! Plus I've also learned to watch my tone when asking for help. I realized that several times it sounded like more of a demand, rather than asking nicely. My husband was much happier to do it, if he realized that I actually did need help and I wasn't just nagging. Now he is getting better and even volunteers to take our son for awhile so that I can do things around the house. I think it sometimes takes men a little longer to come around to being a dad, even if they are excited to be one! I think they need to observe you and how you interact with the baby, then take your lead and do their own bonding. It is still frustrating at times, no doubt about it, but I think as time goes, it will get better...at least that's what I'm hoping! Remember, as long as your baby is loved, that's all that matters! Good luck!

  • I usually ask my husband to help with specific tasks. Ex: Honey, can you feed the baby? Do a load of laundry? Take the dog a bath? That way, he knows what needs to be done instead of wondering what needs to be done. This helps me feel less frusterated and resentful because he will help me more with specific direction.

    Men are not mind readers and sometimes need guidance. Yes, in an ideal world we wouldn't have to ask, they'd already know. And having a talk about helping out more around the house doesn't necessarily translate to having a husband actually help out around the house more. They don't know what needs to be done.

    So for sanity's sake, if the house needs vaccuming, the dishes need to be washed or the baby needs a bath, clearly ask him to help you with a particular task.

     

     

     

  • I am faceing the same thing and welcome to motherhood that is just some men in general I hate to tell you that but it is some are just plain lazy and for self. Keep talking to him and see if that helps good luck and pray too if you believe.

  • My husband does the work for living while I just stay at home, taking care of the baby and doing all house chores. I used to complain but there's no sense of complaining coz it doesn't seem to work. But anyway, my boy cries everytime his daddy holds him. He just doesn't like his daddy anymore. So that means I have to do everything.... Any advise so that my baby will like his dad or is this a normal process that baby's go through and will just disappear?

  • My husband works as well while im at home with a 19 month old and 5 month old.  He has only ONCE did an all nighter.  That was this last Saturday.  He tells me I have it made because I get to stay home all day.  He also puts me on these guilt trips whenever i ask for help.  He says he needs his sleep or he could get hurt at work... blah blah blah.  Funny how he manages to stay up though for a late football/basketball game.

    I've found myself VERY resentful and also distant from him.  He sleeps on the couch so the baby doesnt wake him.  Im very lonely but he wont listen.  He says were NORMAL and this is how its supposed to be.  I even begged to go to counceling!  He doesnt understand why.  Is he that blind or just plain LAZY and acting dumb?!

    I quit a VERY good management position to stay at home.  Before we had kids I felt like his princess. Now I feel like his maid, mother, and nanny.

    *sob*

  • leave it to the almighty women to give birth, take care of the home, sacrifice ourselves (mind & body), and continue to try to be the wife, friend and sometimes career woman we used to be.  I am going through this realization right now with my 6 week old.  I told my bf that I feel like a single mom.  Needless to say he resented that remark.  However I can't lie about how I feel, there is truth to it.  I will not fight because I have this little creature to take care of and if I am not "together" I will not be a good parent.  So I take one step at a time and yes, I do everything around the house short of mowing the lawn.  He will be the one to suffer in the long run, when the only memory he has is the birth, and her graduation. 

  • My husband takes my five year old daughter to school every morning when he is laid off in the winter. He also helps with house chores durring this tuff time since i work all year long. During the winter the rolls kind of switch and he does the house chores and takes care of our daughter then when he goes back to work i take over. i realy am lucky!!

  • Talk openly and honestly, make time for him by having a trusting relative babysit for date nights every now and then, ask him which chores/jobs he would rather do and allow him to decide how and when to do them, thank him even if it hurts to say so when you are dogtired yourself! Good luck!

  • my son loves his dad to death it drives me crazy some times because he does not help out at all with the baby or household chores i cant even get him to put his shoes in thier spot or clothes in the laundry bin ....wen my son sees his dad he forgets all about me... best advise is just try to have him spend a lil more time playin and having fun

  • im having the same problem with my husband.  my 5 week old is strictly formula fed and my husband has decided that i can do all of the taking care of her and all of the housework.  and then he wonders why every time he holds her that she pitches a fit after 30 seconds and stops when he hands her to me.  any ideas how i can get him to help more without tying him to a chair and using water torture?