Worried Sick

  • Since I have been pregnant my life has definately changed for the worse. I lost my job when I told my employer I was pregnant and If that wasn't bad enough, my husband has offered no support. My husband was forced to put me on his health insurance which is one heck of a pretty penny!! My husband hasn't done anything except complain about the financial burden. He refuses to work over time and he just depends on someone to loan him money. All this has me worried. He was never a real motivated person but I figured he might man up when it came down to a baby and this situation. I have been working on finding a job and have almost got one but it has taken a month or so to get this far.  I  have worked my but off to file unemployment and other paperwork regarding my last job. I have tried not to stress over this but my husband simply told my parents"she needs to hurry up and get a job, I can't keep paying for her health insurance" I was offended and so were my parents. I mean what would happen if I had a high risk pregnancy and couldn't work period? It was bad enough losing a job in my field and then not being able to get hired anywhere else due to the pregancy. Anyway I'm worried sick that his lack of responisbilty in this situation might run over when the baby is born. I mean it's sad but  I would be better off single than in a marriage where my husband doesn't want the responsibility of being a dad. I feel like I'm alone in this small town and please someone tell me that not all men are like this!?!

  • Congrats on your pregnancy. I know it seems like everything is failing you right now, including your husband, you need to be optimistic and realize that a baby is a blessing. You need to sit down with your husband and voice your concerns and worries. Not all men act that way. Perhaps the pregnancy is worrying him. He may be nervous and reacting this way due to nerves. Financial problems pose a burden on any marriage. Perhaps marriage counseling may help with your issues. When is your baby due?
  • I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now with your husband and with finding a job. When some men realize they are about to become a father, they can react a bit differently than moms do. Men tend to worry more about the financial responsibilities and the increased stress a baby will bring. This may be spilling over in his reactions to your health insurance. As hard as it is, try keeping the lines of communication open and talking to him about your feelings. Encourage him to be honest about his feelings as well. It is very possible that he is scared and nervous about the new baby. Instead of voicing his concerns to you, he may be lashing out instead. Talk to him and remember that while you may be mad at him at the moment, your baby would not be better off without him.

    When you talk to him, try not to be too defensive. Let him know that you have fears as well and that you need his support throughout the pregnancy and the unemployment right now. You can also read "what to expect when you are expecting". There is a nice chapter in there about men and their feelings about becoming fathers. If things continue to get worse, see if he would consider going to counseling with you while you both go through this emotional time.

    Good luck on finding a job, congratulations on your pregnancy and WELCOME to strong moms.

  • My dear!  You have the exact problem I had.  I am so sorry that your husband gives you no support; my boyfriend was the same way!  I was fired at exactly  3 mos. into my pregnancy and had to get the medical card from my state b/c my boyfriend couldn't afford insurance. I never found another job, not for the lack of trying, and was later placed on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. Unfortunatly, I have found that most men in their 20's and early thirties don't want the responsibility of or care about pregnant women and new babies. ( I said most but definitly not all)  I would lean more on your mother for support and stop including him when you go to the doctor or baby shop since he doesn't seem as excited as you.  I understand you are sad and having a hard time, maybe going to couples therapy or just you seeking individual therapy could help.  I hope things get better.

  • Congratulation on your baby. I'm sorry that you are going through all that when this should be a joyous occasion.

    No all men are not like that. I am very fortunate to married to a very supportive man. During our first pregnancy I too did not have insurance. I worked as a substitute teacher, and a yoga instructor. I was also going to school to be a teacher. My husband had a pretty good job with insurance but we were in the middle of buying our first home which was stressful in it self. We didn't make a lot of money we just had a lot of faith that every thing would work out for the best. We made a budget and tried not eat out and over spend. We bought diapers of all sizes when they went on sale. I read parenting magazines and "What to expect when your expecting" book. I felt less stress knowing what's going on with my body, and what the first months would be like. Yoga helped a lot to destress.

    Sometimes people don't think when they are stressed but if your husband's tune doesn't change quickly you may have to make some decisions that are best for you and the baby. You need to tell him (if he's one to interrupt you and not listen then write it in a note.) This baby is coming like it or not. With a baby always come stress and money issues. The baby needs strong parents who are willing to face any problems and not mope about them. He will need parents to love him no matter what. If he can't have two strong parents then he will have one! (that's you Mom!) If your husband is to weak to face his responsibility as a husband and a father then as said it maybe best for you to be a healthy single parent than to be in a stressful relationship that may get worse as the pregnancy progresses.

    You owe it to yourself and your child to be healthy, safe and to be around positive people who support you and love no matter what. Not make you feel inept or guilty all the time. You need to be concerned with your eating habits, getting enough rest. Talk  and read to your baby, appreciate every sonogram and kick because before you know it your little one will be here. With a new baby comes new stressers and money problems but be strong, everything always works out for the best and use every new event as a learning lesson that will make you a stronger mother for your baby. Good luck and god bless. - Jess

     

  • Your husband sounds exactly like my boyfriend.  You sound a lot like me.  lol.