Non-smoker in a smoker's house with baby???

  • Currently, I am a single mom with a 4-month old beautiful boy.  I moved in with my two aunts (sisters) before my son was born because I was in a very bad relationship.  They helped me get ready for the baby and have been absolutely wonderful with him.  Here's my issue, though.  Both aunts smoke.  They will both light up in the same room, and they'll take a drag while holding my baby.  I've subtly made hints about not having the baby around smoke, such as moving him if one of them lights up.  However, this does not stop them smoking while they are holding the baby.  One of my aunts has had three children, and she smoked constantly around them.  If we go somewhere, they'll light up in the car, but roll down the window, which is just as bad as keeping the window up.  These aunts grew up around cigarette smoke (they grew up in the 50's and 60's when it wasn't such a health issue) so they act like it's not a huge deal.  How do I very tactfully tell them I do not want them smoking around my son?  I realize I'm living in their house- but enough is enough, isn't it?  Or do I just need to put up with it?

  • If you have your own car or tak theires to the doctors and tellt hem he has an ear infection and smoking around babies causes this. Im still currently dealing with this with my parents and my two kids. Or jus tsit them down and see if they wont hold your son or possibly go to another room and smoke because of the health problems its causing your son.

  • That is tough, since they are welcoming you into their house. My husband is a heavy smoker. One thing we did was to limit his smoking to one room where we can close the door. He also runs an air filter (Whirlpool Whispure) which works great. It is for both his health and the baby's health. Maybe you can comprise with them?  Also keep in mind that right now there is a strong campaign in this country to ban smoking. It gets all of the media attention and makes us scared to death. The focus is slowly moving toward obesity. Truth is millions of US babies were raised around second hand smoke and they were fine. If you understand research, you will see there are a lot of flaws with the research they publish on secondhand smoke. A lot of it is correlational (no direct cause and effect). That said, it is common sense to limit a baby's exposure (and our own). Do what you can to save up for your own smoke free apt. And if your baby does get an ear infection (which he may anyway) seriously have a heart to heart talk with the aunts. Good luck!

  • Well you cant really tell them they cant smoke in there own house, however you do have the right to  outright ask them not to smoke while holding the baby. It is your obligation as a mother to protect your baby. It would be too easy for your son to get burned in the arms of someone who is smoking a cigg at the same time. While I am a smoker and understand how hard an addiction it is to break, I dont smoke and hold my children at the same time. And have had to tell realitives that I respect very much that they could not hold my children while they have a smoke. Some people will understand while others might not.

  • I think it's about respect more than anything. It's their house so you shouldn't ask them to stop smoking, but it's your baby, so the fact that your fearful from the harm it might cause, should be enough for them to respect that you don't want all the smoke around your baby. When I found out I was pregnant I warned my mom & in-laws, no smoking around the baby. My mom, old fashioned hard head, smoked while she was pregnant with me! Thinks theres no harm in it, I told her well I do, & out of respect for me I would appreciate it if you didn't do it, & I'd like it if you washed your hands after smoking before you handle the baby also. My in-laws must have taken me seriously because they have started smoking the garage at their home, & washing their hands after they smoke, getting ready for when the baby is here. My mom.... we'll see. Just talk to them open & honestly.Hopefully together you can all set up some boundries, compromise. Prayers for you that it all works out for the better.

  • Secondhand smoke is just as bad as first-hand smoke. Your infant has clean, healthy lungs and there is no reason why he should be surrounded by dirty, unhealthy air. You just simply need to to inform them how unhealthy secondhand smoke is for anyone, let alone an infant. If they refuse to stop smoking in front of your infant, then you need to leave. This will harm your child in the future, increasing the risk of asthma and allergies. Print out some articles about secondhand smoke and let us know if they stop!

  • I have this same problem when me and my family go to visit grandparents i quit smoking for both of my pregnancies and have not picked it back up but have not smoked around my children the only thing i can say is it is their home but it is your child so the thing i would do is take the baby to a different room when they light up like you have done in the past it is hard to ask someone to not do something in their own home but this is your child smoking causes bad teeth, respiratory problems, anti social behavior and so on the risk is a lot heavier on your child then on you to just be blunt and say hey i understand i am living with you but i am concerned about MY child and health issues caused by being in a fog i will leave the room if necessary ( if they make it a point to not take it outside)  but out of respect for my son and his health please dont smoke while holding him that's the best advice i have for you :)

  • That is wonderful that you have a great family support; however they should respect your wishes at least not to smoke while holding your baby. As you have indicated you have made "hints" to them. Sometimes people that are set in their ways as it seems they are; need just to be told. I'm not saying to be rude and crazy in telling them but I do think it's something you definitely need to speak up about because you are his protector. Even though you live under their roof doesn't mean you have to live in that environment. Surely if they love you and your baby which I'm sure they do will at least try to compromise on the situation. Thank you for sharing your story.
  • my parents smoke & they were nice enough to go smoke outside of THEIR home every time my older brother came over with his new born 2 years ago, but they didnt remain quiet about it, they (they mainly being my father) moaned & groaned about it the entire time but knew it wasnt good for the baby to be around the smokey enviroment. maybe u could ask ur aunts if they could narrow it down to maybe just one room in the house that could be closed off that way ur really not stepping on their toes about considering it is their home & were nice enough to allow u to be there with ur baby & it does sound as though they love u both very much

  • Personally I think u should sit them down and explain how this makes you feel and how unhealthy it is for you and your baby. There is no reason why they cant make one area the smoking area or room. I would also encourage them to step outside when the weather is nice. I went to a friends house last week and half the people there smoke. I told my friend that we could not come to the party if people smoked outside. My friend told everyone it was a must to smoke outside. It was 40degrees that night. If your aunts love you and the baby they will understand.

  • I hve a mother who smokes, and I grew up around it too. She is well aware of how much I hate it and she never smokes in my house when she comes over. However, when I take my daughter to her house she does smoke, but she is very curtious smoker and never smokes in the same room as my baby. Since you do live in their house, maybe just take him into another room when they smoke. It is a very sticky situation, but where do you draw the line? My mother is also of the school of thought that smoking gets a bad wrap. And even though I don't approve of smoking and for me it is definately the smell that gets me, but no one can actually prove that it causes cancer and such. I have know perfectly healthy people who have never smoked, yet they have had lung cancer. Just remember to be polite.

  • Sometimes subtlety is a good policy however when it comes to the health and safety of your child it is not the time. Smoking is extremely hazardous to an infant and you need to be straight up with them about it. the cyanide and carbon monoxide in cigarettes blocks oxygen involved with cellular respiration meaning this vital step can not be carried out (same concept is used when poison is used to kill rodents of weeds the poison blocks oxygen)n not only that but it causes ear infections and now has been linked to various diseases and no mother wants that for their child. You do have a point that it is their house however some ground rules need to be set (such as not in the car and never when they are holding him) as far as the house goes you may have to deal with going for a walk or something.  They may not see it as a huge deal however it very much so is (as previously listed).