Failing Relationship or Post-Partum??

  • My name is Jessica and I am 21 years old. I gave birth to my son in February, and for a while things were wonderful between my boyfriend and I. We have been together for almost three years now and this is our first child. We have talked about getting married, and planning the rest of our lives together, so it is a very serious, committed relationship. But lately it has become different. We argue a lot. We both get very frustrated with the other. He works 2nd shift and works an hour away, so he is gone from 2pm to 3am. So a combination of him being tired from working all night, and me being tired from being up and taking care of the baby makes two easily aggravated people. There has  been some recent added stress to our lives on top of having the new baby. And he wants to me to try to take care of all of these court things for him during the day and "call so and so" and "do this" and "do that". And I really don't mean to be, but lately I have been terribly forgetful. He can say something to me one minute and the next minute I forget. It is really causing some strain. He is taking it as me being "lazy". But there is no way you can be lazy with a 1 month old. I really don't know what to do. I seem to be soo sensitive to it also. Everytime he gets mad, and says something about it, I for some reason feel as though he is questioning my ability to mother our son. We have always had the type of relationship to where if something is doing something wrong, or whatever, we can tell them and they take it in stride. But it seems to be the opposite now. I can't seem to take any kind of constructive critisism what so ever. I have beening so emotional about it but I can't seem to help it. I'm thinking it might just be hormonal. But I have a feeling that it might be post-partum. So I have made a promise to myself that if I am not truly feeling any bit better in a week or so, I will be making an appoinment to see if indeed it is post-partum. I don't know, I need some imput. Please help!


  • wow...i know how you feel i have been going thew alot of the same things you 23 and married  i have been married to my husband for 2 years been together 3 but have known each other from middle school...we just had our 1st baby together i had my son on 12-29-09 he is almost 3 months husband has kids with his ex he has twin boys there be 6 in april and a lil girl thats we get them every other weekend its ruff i get really stressed out with the kids running around and the baby and alot has changed for us...when we had our son we also got a new apartment so we are still trying to get our place set up and with the snow that we had there was no work for my husband he does out side stuff so now with a new baby and new place and no work OMG!!!! talk about fighting and stress and him and i cant even talk anymore we have been fighting for weeks now even if everything is ok we look at each other and its like "i dont like you" i feel that we arent going to work out i get scared i get mad and i get upset and then always cry...i feel like im up and down alot i dont get to just go out like i use to now i have a baby so my life has turned around for me big time....more added stress and a lil help at the same time is my husbands mom and her boy friend just came to kinda live with us..well thats helps on rent cuz theres no work right now and then its lil stress cuz now the room we had for his other kids we get every other weekend is now taken so idk what we are going to do...i feel like even with everyone here im still the only one thats always has the baby and having to do everything im just snaping at my husband all the time and really stressed out and just not happy....i dont understand after i had my baby everything was good and happy and now its not.....being a new mother is supposed to be happy and the best thing ever and well its not all like that....people say your going to miss when your baby was so small ya maybe but i wish he was bigger and could move around and talk its easyer i have 3 step kids and i didnt have to take care of them when they were babys i was around them they could move around i have never been around baby babys and now i have one of my own and its really hard on me sometimes......just know that when your baby gets lil bigger and can look at you and just smile no matter how bad your day is going it always puts a smile on your face..i think thats the only thing getting me by right now is to see my son look at me and smile...things will be ok its just ruff right now trust me its not easy try havin 4 kids and only one of them is yours and its the baby that needs you 24-7...its rally hard..on top of it we dont have a car that can hold all 4 kids so we are stuck in the house on the weekends we have the kids so its kinda like one thing after just trying to hold on to everything before i lose it my husband is not happy with me and im just not happy at all....i just got to try and be happy and just hold on and hope things will be ok soon...................."i hope"

  • If you think its post partum depression you should call your doctor sooner rather then later. It may only get worse if you put it off for even a week. i just had the normal baby blues after i gave birth in jan, but it only last for about a week. Its better to just talk to someone.

  • Hi Jessica I am Heather. Let me start by telling you that I am 39 and between my husband and I this baby will be child number 7. This will be the 4th child I have given birth to. I have lived through a lot of what you are going through and let me give you some advice to keep your sanity and relationship through the first year of your baby's life. First, when your son naps you nap, don't use that time to clean up or do laundry or anything else, you need sleep as much as the baby does.  Keep a spiral notebook to write everything down, Pregnancy brain doesn't  just go away because you have the baby. If your boyfriend wants you to do something for him during the day have him write it in the notebook, this way there can be no miss communication and it takes a lot of things off of your shoulders, Keep taking prenatal vitamins, they will help with the every changing issues with your hormones and help with your energy. Take time to work out....I know what you are thinking but instead of use weights use the baby, but the baby on your legs and do lifts, wear a carrier when doing things around the house, (this also helps with bonding), put the baby in the stroller and go for a walk..if it is cold were you are do laps around the mall. Pamper yourself...go get a pedicure at least once a month try for every two weeks, leave the baby with dad during this time so you have some alone time and he has time to bond with his son. Leave the baby with someone you trust and have a date night once a month. Make a pact with your boyfriend that you won't talk about the baby during that time just about everything else. Realize that the baby is not only changing your life it is changing his life as well. Sit down and tell your boyfriend how you are feeling and let him tell you how he is feeling. Make a deal that you will both listen to the other and not start accusing the other one of being to senitive or not sensitive enough. If you try this you will find you will start to get back into your old grove with each other only it will be even better. Above all if you even feel like there might be the slightest chance that what you are feeling is due to post partum deppression go see your doctor rather than waiting. They will help you. Lastly join a mothers group in your will find others your age that are going through the same thing and older moms who have been around the block a few times that can offer you their wisdom from already going through what you are and surviving. I hope this helps.

  • It doesn't sound like post partum to me.  It sounds like a tired Mommy to me.  My baby was born in February too.  I've been extremely forgetful and have a hard time getting things done and it's definitely not being lazy.  I'm guessing that your boyfriend is young, too, and may not understand all the demands that taking care of a newborn has.  My husband and I have been fighting more, too, but we both realize that it is from the stress of a Colic baby and just plan out exhaustion.

    I would recommend that you find someone to watch your baby for you one day, so you can take care of 'business' items, as well as, get some sleep.  I'd also make a list of things that needs to be done or have your boyfriend make you a list of what he needs done which will help your 'Mommy brain' from forgetting them.

    Of course, getting checked by a MD to ease your mind probably wouldn't hurt either.

    Take care,  I think you are 'Normal'!

  • Hello, I think that I m in a similar situation as yours when it comes to my mother in law. she came 15 days before I delivered my baby but she is away from being helpful she was just another person that we should take care of. My mom was here too, she was doing everything for me, the baby, my husband and of course his mom. I went throught out a lot before and after the delivery because of her. my husband always defend her even if she isnt right and Im always the one who screw up. She is a depressed person, she ALL THE TIME talk about her dead mom, her ill sister, nothing but negative things. This way my mom couldn t stand her either do I. My husband say that we have to stand her but it s not possible. I just gave birth( I had a c section) and I m the one who needed help not her. instead she was always making troubles between me and him. Now that she s gone, we couldn t forget  what we went throught. he insult my parents and I can t forget to forgive so we are always fighting, all the time in an offensive situation whenever one of us say sth the other don t take it smoothly. we even think abt divorce but I m Affraid that my son live in two different places between me and his dad.  what should I do? how can I hundlle this situation?should I move on? 

  • Hi Jessica. I am 41 and just had my child in Feb. and this is my second marriage. I have a daugher of age 13 and my husband children are teins 14 , girl of 16, and one other boy 18(he does not reside with us).  It is stressful on a relationship. You both are tired and baby chnages your life totally. Your routine is disrupted. I agree with the others that stated nap when the baby naps, take your vits, and exercise.  Sometine things won't get done that day.  Simply, if someone ask me to do something and simply say not at this time or delegate that task.  I know my limits and that was difficult to do. But, I had to I learned. There are still stressful days but my son is 3 months now and my husband and I talk more and are aware that we have to lean on each other and most importantly communcate with each other. Sometimes by a note. It works for us. Good luck and keep strong!!

  • GIRL!! r u sure ur not me going trew the same thing and said the same thing to myself if i aint feelin better im goin to the doc. WE CAN MAKE IT!!! were STRONG MOMS :)!!!!!!!!!!!!