Daddy's here, but Mommy doesn't want me to be.

  • I am in an ugly situation with my daughter's mother. We have been on and off for over five years, and our daughter was born in December of 2009. Right around the month before our daughter was born, her mother started acting weird. She distanced herself away from me, and once the baby was here, decided that she would be better on her own. She even changed our daughter's name at the hospital, without me.

    I do not verbally abuse, nor physically. I do not drink, nor smoke. I hardly ever get upset, and with her being pregnant, I was always where I "Thought" she wanted me to be. I am a college student, and have a great outlook on life and parenting. Now our daughter is 3 months old, and I've spent a total of two full days with her. I have an attorney, but am slowing realizing, without marriage, my rights are pretty slim, "until" I go to court. I am fine with that, but everything is moving so slow.

    What should I do to continue to stay calm, and mentally collective, because this is killing me knowing I have a child that I cannot see? I thought women raved about men who took care of their children, but this one thinks she can make a better father than me. What should I do? Help me. I'm getting so emotionally exhausted.

  • I have never been in these shoes thankfully but I have HAD in the past friends that did this to men.  Sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    First --- Talk to her!  Tell her how you feel!  Ask why is this happening and can we have split custody?  Get a medator invovled if need be. 

    See if she is willing to allow your Mom or trusted family member see your daughter so you can see your daughter more often than twice a week. 

    Write down and document your feelings for the courts to hear.  Write down where and when you pick her up and drop her off-- include times as well.  Sometimes the courts will ask times and so on... KEEP a journal of this!  Make sure to also keep a journal of where you pick her up and drop your child off at (time for that can be long at times, mileage wise it should be equal for both parties) 

    Make sure to have pictures of your home environment to show you have proper crib and toys (swings, bouncers, even your own carseat for her ect.. .) for your child.  Keep and scan all receipts of items you purchase for your daughter that end up with your daughters mother!  Receipts can get lost and this way it's on the computer all organized and scanned!  Include formula and everthing!  This way it shows that you are supporting her!  Even clothes, shoes, anything you buy her from now on scan it and save it in a file on the computer!  It will show the courts that you cared enough to purchase it and give it to the mother or keep it yourself!

    Being that you are a college student look into the law program at your college.  Talk to a counselor for free at your college to see if they can assist and help out at all with this.  You may be surprised what your tuition pays for when you talk to one.     

  • Unfortunately, most staes have laws that are not very daddy friendly, and you will have to just wait, but make sure you document EVERYTHING.  Every time you reach out to her to visit your daughter, every time she denys that, every negative action she does or negative thing she says.  You sound like you have really good verbal skills, and should have no problem articulating your desire to be an active parent in your daughter's life when it comes time to go to court.  As for staying calm, I would maybe spend some time writing a journal, so you have a way to vent your feelings and your hopes and desires for the future with your daughter.  It's not fair, but if all you say is true, she is only hurting your daughter by her actions, because you will get to be the dad you are trying to be.

  • Look I wished my kids father was around..Just keep doing what you doing go to college and finish please don't give up on the situation you going through she might not think she wants you but advice her to ask some of her friends that have children with fathers not stepping to the plate how hard they have it trying to be a mother, father, employee, friend, and all the other titles in life we have to be when the time comes

  • I agree with the advice the previous responders gave, but mostly encourage you to not give up. Getting angry about the situation is certainly understandable, but still not in the best interest of your little girl. Good luck!

  • First just keep up what you are doing and be positive.  Then I would say try and work with a mediator or court appointed counselor.  Most courts will not want to drag a child through the system when an alternative is available, and in this case, there clearly is one, because you are so willing to be involved.  While you and and your child's mother may not be married, if you are on the birth certificate you have rights.  Fight for your child!

  • I just want to take a second, and THANK YOU ALL for your words. It's been a very interesting experience to say the least, but at the end of the day this has made me super strong towards anything that can possibly happen to a person. Our court date is scheduled for June 7th, and I am excited to show major proof that I am able to take full responsibility for my daughter. Never in one million years did I ever expect anything like this to happen to me, but I am taking it all in stride. I am extremely calm, and extremely patient. My sleep patterns have kicked back into gear, and having a good job, along with college classes, has kept my mind busy. I will prevail, and as a caring and loving father, I know my daughter will know I will never leaver her side. Never. Thanks you all. Good luck with your families. This site was a very smart idea.  Big Smile