Help!!! I need a BREAK!

  • As a stay at home mother of 4, I spend all of my day with my children, while my

    husband works outside of the home for 9 hours each day. When he comes home

    from work, the first thing I want to do is give him the kids and take a break.

    Unfortunately, the first thing he wants to do is unwind after a long day at the

    office. While I understand that he needs some time to himself, he doesn't seem

    to understand that MY JOB doesn't end. I don't get to punch out at 5 and drive

    home in silence. Even when the kids go to sleep, MY JOB doesn't end. I am busy

    making lunches, packing backpacks and doing the dishes. While I love my time

    with my children and the life I have chosen for myself, I wouldn't mind a break

    once in awhile. What can I do to let my husband know that I need time to myself

    too? How do you get your husband to help with the kids and give you a break

    once in awhile?

  • Hi!


    Honestly- the easiest way is to tell him. The next way is to just take the time you need. It will not hurt if the dishes are not done for one night while you rest. You will not be able to take care of everyone else if you are not taken care of. As far as lunches and backpacks- have your children assist you with that. Make a day where it is a "create your own lunch" day. Set out the ingredients and "supervise" them while they make a ham and cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The backpacks can be a part of the children's daily chores. I have my son check his backpack daily to make sure he has everything he needs for the next day.


    Bottom line- if you have to let some things go sometimes to get a point across, do it. You too need a break! 

    Good Luck!

  • I know how you feel because I'm in my 7th week of maternity leave, and have been like a stay at home mom.  I hate to hand my newborn over to my husband when he walks in the door after a 10 hour shift as an electrician.  He's often tired, dirty, and sunburned.  I HATE dirty dishes, or piles of laundry, and can get overwhelmed especially if the baby has had a cranky day.  My ME time has come on the weekends lately.  Just going to Target by myself for an hour is relief.  I can imagine with 4 little ones it's gotta be hard.  I just TRY to get things organized for my week so I have a little wiggle room....I plan our dinner menu for the week in advance with all groceries on hand for the week, I get all laundry done Sunday, and we all pitch in with folding and putting in loads, and I hate to admit it but every couple weeks I buy paper plates/bowls/throw away cups to cut down on dishes and there is a rule throughout the day in my house-if you dirty it, you wash it.  I'm not sure how old your kids are, but I make sure all dishes are done after dinner, but everyone can wash their breakfast/lunch/snack dishes.  Just because I am home doesn't mean I am going to do everything for everyone.  My oldest is 12, and she has daily chores she does after school that really only take up maybe a half hour of her day-vacuuming, dusting, straightening up her room/bathroom, or swiffering the kitchen floor.  She earns a tiny allowance, and it gives me alot of help.  I need help, and I'm not at all afraid to tell everyone I live with that they need to pitch in.

  • It is quite simple! I don't!! Ha!  I just think men, in general, will never understand that a "woman's work" is never done!  My grandmother used to say that and I would giggle... now, I must admit, I don't find it so hilarious!  I have 4 children myself and one on the way. My oldest is 18 so, this one was quite a surprise!  My husband is a good provider because he loves his job and he loves his family. However, well into the wee hours of every night, I am the one up and doing laundry and dishes and cleaning and the little things that I can't seem to get to throughout the day between running to grocery store, school, going to extra curricular activities and picking up the dry cleaning, etc etc etc, and so on! I wish there was an easy way to leave the house for a few minutes of "me time" but when I am lucky enough to attend a woman's retreat, upon my grand return.....the house.. is ALWAYS in shambles!  My dear fellow ladies,  MEN are just NOT "cut out" to be US!  Of course, there are a FEW exceptions.. but.. I'm not married to one of those!  :)

  • Well i do understand what you mean as im a stay at home mother too but what you do is when he is ready to sit down and have relaxation time go over and sit by him and talk to him if that doesnt work after you put the kids to bed ask him for one or two nights to yourself after he gets home your only human and you need your time alone or ask him to make dinner once or twice a week  Smile

  • Thanks!!! Your suggestions are wonderful. It is hard being a stay at home mother, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!!

  • I am a mother of 4 myself, and I am actually going back to work tomorrow from my maternity leave from my last child. . After 7 weeks of being home with the kids day in and out, I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. My children are 8, 5, 4, and 7 weeks and it is not easy. My best advice for you is to TELL your husband. It's OK to ask for help and don't feel guilty that you need a break, I go to the tanning bed as "my time" . Good luck!!

  • I totally understand!  We only have one toddler right now, but my hubby is deployed, so it's not like I can ask him for help.  When he is home, I made dinner preparation a family activity, as well as clean-up after.  Even my 17 month old hangs out in the kitchen with us and plays with spatulas and dishtowels while my husband and I chop and cook and wash.  He was resistant to the idea at first, but when it became a chance for him to vent about his day at work, he got hooked on it too.  Many nights, he pours me a glass of wine and tells me to have a seat and let him cook.  It could be a bonding experience for all of your kids too.  Mine also gives me about an hour in the mornings to get things done while he exercises.  He has found a few great ways to let our son hang out with him while he lifts weights and takes him running with him.  That wouldn't really work with 4 kids though, unless a workout is already part of your husband's routine and the kids are either old enough to immitate or young enough that supervision is all they need.  I know it sounds like something out the 50s, but we have jobs around the house that are his and jobs that are mine and we don't nag or criticize how or how well the other does their designated tasks.  (Sometimes I go back and redo his when he's gone, but I never tell him.)  I also have a terrific babysitter that I take advantage of once a week for date nights when he's home or alone time when he's not.

  • Im also a stay at home mom and mother of 2 kids 1 school aged and 6 months old.  I want a break too my hubby comes home from work and he starts to play video games and when i ask him to watch ur 6 months old he just ignore me. Good thing is my 10yrs old is already sleep by 7:30pm just trying to get the baby to whine down is not working i have to give her 2 warm baths to get her relax before i can have a time to myself. Sometimes i dont understand men for real. I dont club no more i gave that up 2 yrs ago, but i would like for once to go out and have my own time. But seems like i cant or just not allow. I need a break and go to a spa for like 5 hours away from my girls and him as wellStick out tongue

  • I was a stay at home mom when my kids were younger (now I telecommute 95% or the time, I only go to the office once a month), my kids are older now which is great (17,14, and 9) so they each have there own chores to do, which helps alot, esspecally since baby #4 is on its way. When the kids were younger i took them to a parent co-op preschool, and also belonged to a mommy group so once i week i had two extra kids for a couple of hours, but on another day that week I had no kids for a couple of hours. My husband worked 10-12 hour days 5 days a week, plus an hour commute each way and was on call (the benefits of IT Managment). So during the week he couldn't be much help after his leave of absence (he took 12 weeks off with our youngest) ended, but I had Saturdays where he would take care of the kids and help around the house. This was usually when i went to get my haircut or any shopping that i wanted to get done with out dragging the kids around. Now that the kids are older he spends almost every Saturday fishing, but he always takes at least one of our girls with him. I think that the only thing you can do is sit down with your husband and have a frank talk about what you need help with, depeding on the ages of your kids they can do things to help too. If that doesn't work its time for shock therapy, my girlfriend has three kids and couldn't take the lack of help from her husband,  but the finally straw was he said she didn't have a job so he needed to relax more than him. She scheduled three days out of town with her friends (during the week) and had her husband take those days off and had him take care of the kids and house. She did leave a list of which child had to be at which activity (soccor, etc). By day two he called in a maid service and had the whole house deep cleaned, and called my friend and begged her to come back home. Now 5 years later her still gets her flowers once a week and makes dinner one night a week. Hope that helps