"Daddy" drama

  • ok so i need advice. i just had an amazing baby boy at the beginning of the month. the "daddy" was involved from about 5 months till birth, he knew that there was another possibility for the father, but he still decided to be in a relationship with me and fall in love with my baby even before he was born and even more so after he was born. well this guy has wanted to get a paternity test done from day 1. when the results came back, it was not his. and he decided to bail. he says he can no longer love him and be the father of a child that is not his. and he can not make it work with me because he cant trust me. he is putting ALL the blame on me for this situation. and does not want anything to do with me or my child, though he says that he still loves my son, always will love him and that my son will always be in his mind. i have tried talking to him explaining my point of view and what not, but he just will not listen. he insists that it is all my fault, that i hurt him so much

  • The only thing i can tell you is hes not worth it then. You will find someone that truely loves you and your son. Im goin through kinda the same thing. My sons dad choses to not really be around. We were together but he kept goin back to his ex-girlfriend and i kept taking him back. Then the last time he went back to her i found out i was pregnant. He said if he would have known sooner i was pregnant he would have stayed but he knew i told him.  he did keep in contact with me til about around the time i was 5 months along then I didnt hear from him til out of the blue he called after the baby was born and one of his friends showed him a picture of his son and he thought it would be funny to say that the baby didnt look like him and the baby might not be his because i didnt give him his last name. I didnt because hes not around and probably wont be. So see men can be asses. Its their lost not ours is how i take it. Im just goin to try my hardest to raise my son not to be like that with women and to treat people right. I know this doesnt really help you but i thought it might help to know your not the only one going through it.   

                                     Always, Evansmylife

  • Wow. I am in the EXACT same situation. But you can't let yourself stress about what he is doing. You have to know for yourself that you are doing everything you can to put your baby first. He (or she) should be number one. As much as I love my boyfriend and want to be with him and have a family together, I made the decision to move home with my parents so I can get my act together for my son. It is VERY hard to go through this, and I'm scared as hell that this baby won't be his and that he will leave, but ultimately it comes down to the fact that he is MY baby. No matter who the father is, I will always be a part of his life, the one who is always there for him, and for that reason, he comes first.

    Hope this maybe helps.

  • Do you keep in touch with the baby's biological father? I understand where this man is coming from. In his heart, he wanted the baby to be his, although you had made it clear that there was a chance that the baby wasn't his. His hopes brought him closer to you and the baby, but when the results came back, it broke his heart and the only way he felt that he could deal with the situation was to remove himself from it. Do you have a good support system? This guy could have stayed, but leaving doesn't make him a bad guy. He was just scared and hurt.

  • It's a deeply personal situation, and I am just heartbroken for all of you. Maybe time will heal wounds and things will change down the road.

  • I just wanted to say thank you.  im doin good with out him. Me and my son will be fine on our own with out his dad around.

  • It is heartbreaking that you are all hurt at this time. I feel for you both. His heart was broken when he realized that the baby wasn't his. As much as he wanted the baby to be his, he couldn't change that. Your heart was broken when he left because you felt that he was abandoning you and your baby when you needed him the most. You wanted the baby to be his as well, so that you could all be happy together. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Try your best to support his decision and move on with your life. Do everything in your power to be the best mom you can be to this little boy. Since he won't have a "dad" in his life ,he will need you more than ever. Good luck and keep us posted.

  • good for you!! we too are doing good with out having a man. now my only problem is getting the guy off my son's birth certificate and getting my sons name changed. foolishly i gave him the guys middle and last name. and let him put his name on the birth certificate.but, other than those two issues, we are doing very well and are planning on moving back to my home town!! were i have the love and support of so many friends!!! very excited!!!