Neglected

  • Hi ladies,

       Maybe this is just to vent, maybe I just need a shoulder to lean on. I'm 23 w 1 d pregnant, and the father of my child is completely ignoring me. He stays at another girls house, he's around her all day, he says he wants nothing to do with her but why is he always there? He's been doing this for about 3 months now, and as I am getting bigger and working two jobs I need his support, only to find I dont have any. About 30 minutes ago he told me that he doesnt know if his money or his child's health was more important. Then he text me saying he was going to have another baby. All of this kills me, I need him so bad but he is nowhere to be found. I cry, I scream, I try and try and nothing is good enough. What should I do? How do I keep my life and his seperate with a baby coming soon? It's completely unhealthy for me to feel this way and have to go through this. I don't know where to turn to. So maybe someone out there, can help me find the strength to put this behind me and my baby.

    -Connie

  • Wow!! Is every guy out there a jerk!!! Im in a similar situation, so theres not much advise I  can give you,. Its really hard to know the one person that should be there for you is not, and that no matter what your the one stressing and suffering this. After I found out he was dating, I decided he could do whatever he wants. I dont need someone like that in my life. I thought about how damaging the stress I was feeling would be for my baby. And that is what has kept me strong. Im very lonely, and frustrated, but I try to just not think about him. They dont deserve a single tear from us....  I hope you find the strength and wisdom to stay strong. I know just how you feel, but think about the future. It was better to have your eyes opened like this than 5 years from now, when your baby could of witnessed all this mess. Remember that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!!! Soon enough everything will be better... i WISH YOU THE BEST!!!

  • bbyluv22, you said it best!  Connie must stay strong for HER baby.  Every baby is a blessed gift, all in the master plan for some reason.  Keep your faith and know that you are never alone.  If you have some family that you can lean on at this time, do so.  You can build such great lasting relationships with others around you.  Don't focus on those who do not want to be part of yours and your baby's life.  Look for those who do.  Your baby deserves it- and you do too.

  • Hello Ladies... I would just like to say that in this new great world you don't need a man to raise a prefect little blessing. If he doesnt want to be there then fine just focus on yourself and love yourself and your baby. No man is worth you stressing you or your baby. God is there for you jjust pray at night for change but don't stress yourself cause it's not heathly and try to quit on of those jobs girl. I worked until I was 35wks. and it didnt bother me but you have two jobs and that just adds more stress to your life. Pray to God girl he's always got your back. God Bless and Gods Speed

  • Hey sweetie, You can do bad by yourself , what this mean it that if he is not willing to help you his being around you will only hinder you.  you don't need him.  I have raised four beautiful young ladies by myself I'm not going to say its going to be easy,  but it will be easier to focus on you and yours and let him be. Stop giving him power over you because thats what you are doing when you make him think you need him. When he see that you are a survivor I can bet my bottom dollar that he comes running back. Stay prayerful find resources in your area but let him be.

  • Hang in there, Connie! My boyfriend and I had called it quits and I accepted a job in ND to make a fresh start. Little did I know when I left Texas, I was already 5 weeks pregnant. I found out at almost 8 weeks, and just days later, I had an ultrasound that showed I was expecting twins. What a shock (and a beautiful blessing)! I was told for 14 years that I couldn't conceive without medical intervention...well, doctors aren't always right. I called and told my boyfriend and he freaked out. For weeks, he said he didn't want anything to do with me or the babies, and accused me of all sorts of horrible things, from the babies not being his to faking the whole thing. I was alone, 1300 miles from any family or friends, and very scared. I chose to move back to Texas for family support, praying constantly for strength and guidance. I am very lucky in that he has come around, and is now very excited about being a father, and wants to work on our relationship. Not all of us are so lucky, but I had begun to ready myself to be a single mother, and knew God had a plan for my life. You can do it! Thousands of women do it successfully everyday, but also remember YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! Reach out to support groups, friends, family, your church community, etc. We are all here for you.

    -Anne

    "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." ~~ Gilda Radner

  • Thank you for your reply! I'm also sorry you are going through a tough time as well. I hope you and your little one are safe and healthy. It's really hard trying to deal with the seperation of someone you love at a time like this. I do wish you all the best! How far along are you?

  • Thank you so much. Helpful and encouraging words are what I am needing desperately! I appreciate your care and concern! I hope you and your loved ones are well, thank you.

  • Thank you! I do pray and I ask God for strength. I have my moments but I know everything will be OK. My baby girl and I will be OK, thank you for your kind words!

  • Thank you for your kind words today. I have begun to let him go, and you are right, he sensed that I was fed up and done, and now look who's knockin at my door! I will continue to stay strong and do my very best for me and my baby girl. Thank you again!

  • HI,

    I wanted to say, Thanks. i'm verry much in the same situation Connie and reading your comment along with everyone's reply really helps. It sucks so much to deal with a guy who doesn't know what he wants. I pray your situation changes for the best which ever way that is with or with out the guy. Remeber God has a plan for you and me and our lil ones.

    God Bless, Tab

  • I had my first when I was your age and my guy left as well, I'm 31 now and have learned so many things but at that time I did what was best for me and my son. I decided that I was not going to allow anyone mess my child up mentally,emotionally or physically. I'm his mother it is my job to protect him and make sure he feels loved. The thing is you never need anyone there is a different between need and want and trust me working hard for your child will only pay off in the long run. There are many programs out there for mothers who work and do their best don't be ashamed and don't let anyone make you feel that way for getting WIC or any other assistance that you can. If you set yourself up to say that the back and forth and coming inand out of your life is emotionally draining than stop the cycle trust me I was in the same place but when you put your foot down and have this baby you will realize how sarine life can really be.

    Good luck

  • Hi connie! My name is Jeanie and I am 16 weeks along and 21 years old. Luckily for me, my boyfriend is mature and acts like a man, so he has been there for me every single time I needed him. However, I have had my fair share of jerks. And I know right off the bat that you have a serious jerk problem. If I was you, I would take into consideration that even if he did act responsible now (that you have started to get over it,) his first reaction was still one of a jerk. If he is that immature and selfish, you AND your baby are better off without him influencing you lives negatively. Make yourself a strong woman, and only think about what's best for you and your baby. Don't let this BOYfriend of yours get in the way of your happiness, because it will influence your feelings and emotions which also influence your baby (in utero and as a child.) Let go of him and move on for both of your sakes'. If he seriously can't decide if money or his child is more important - I think we both know that he's not the kind of guy you should be with in the long run anyway. Gather up your strength from within and from relatives and friends. I have had so much support (financially, emotionally, and otherwise) from my mom, aunts, and cousins that I don't know what I would have done without them. Even if they are far away from you, they can still be there for you. But you have to let them know when you need the help :) You and grandma can take care of baby just fine, and, in my opinion, better than you and whats-his-name can :)

  • Connie, you have a great reason to stay strong. You baby is a blessing. He/she would give the strenght that you need. When you'll see that little face and his/her eyes looking at you, you will know that you are not and never be along anymore.

    Good bless you and your baby.

  • I have to say that some of the other women are right in their postings. You don't need a man in today's world to have a baby and you need to stay strong for your baby. At this point that baby really is YOUR baby. That baby is inside you so you need to take care of yourself to take care of him/her. After all, that is the goal here right?! You want a happy healthy baby and only you right now can do that. Doctors can do exams and possibly fix a problem if one arises, but YOU provide the nutrition and cozy and as stress free as possible constant environment. It's up the you but I would tell him such. That being a dad/father is a privilege not a right/obligation. And if he can't show you now that he deserves the privilege by supporting you, then why should he get the perks. Find a friend/family member that is excited about this baby and make them your "baby buddy." Let them go with you to ultrasounds, go to pick out the crib and supplies, help pick names, etc. In the end they along with you will have earned the rewards when that baby is smiling up at you and cooing and laughing. They'll have earned the privilege with you to watch that baby grow and become the person they're meant to be.

    Let him see you happy and healthy with a happy, healthy baby he had nothing to do with. And if he ever becomes that man that deserves to be a father and experience the miracle babies really are... he'll feel the empty spot when there is no baby to smile up at him and no son/daughter to ask for their "daddy" and want to spend time with him and "be just like daddy" because he won't have earned it. And he'll know that the only person that took that away from him.... was himself!

    Here's a little everyday inspirational quote I found that may help to think of...

    Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and I knew that I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will. This is the miracle of life.