i dont know what to do

  • So here is the deal. i am 24 weeks pregnant, have what they call an incompitant cervix, and having other pregnancy related problems. I have a hard time doing things on my own right now all the way down to pay the bills. My inlaws have been helping me out alot and i really appreciate it so very much and dont want to make them feel that i dont.

    On mothers day we went to visit the family and was what i thought asked if my 4 year old son could go with my mother in law to another state for over 9 days. i said i was unsure about it and that im pretty sure he has a dr appointment. about 3 days later his grandma told me that his plane ticket was ready to go and that she had packed things for him. i didnt need to worry about packing for him.

    I know that his grandma will take the best care of him that she can. my concerns are,

    1. the family they are going to visit he does not know,

    2. there will be 2 new babies that grandma has never met that will take alot of attention. one of which will only be a couple weeks old.

    3. he has never been away from mommy for more than an hour at a time, he doesnt even go to day care.

    4. he will be flying from montana to illinios. if anything happens to him i cant be there for him. i cant travel at all incase i begin to hemorage again.

    Am i being to over protective? Am i right? i feel like i had absolutly no say so in what my son is doing in this case. im afraid that if i say no he is not going they wont help me anymore and i really have no where else to turn for help. I just dont know what to do, please someone out there help me ive been sick over this matter.

  • I think that you should let him go, I understand as a mother you always want to be there for your child but if you trust his grandmother than he will be fine. He will probably come back with more stories adn smiles on his face than ever. This will give you some time to yourself and actually relax there comes a time that you have to just trust the people around you and do it for your son and not keep him home for you! My son used to go to PA from MI for 2 and 3 weeks was on a plane at 6 months so it will be really good for him to experience other things.

    Good luck

  • I have had a difficult mother-in-law as well. She was stubborn, old-fashioned, and a few other choice words I cannot say on this site. I truly think I can give you some at least decent advice, and I hope you at least read it over, think about it, and consider it.

    The first thing I would do is talk to your son about it. Don't act nervous or scared, or he might become that as well. just ask him if he wants really wants to go or not. He might understand what you are saying, he might not, but I think you should definitely talk to him first. If he says he does want to go, make sure he knows he will not be able to see you. That he will be able to talk to you on the phone, but not see you in person. Ask him how he feels about staying at another person's house. If you want a good measure, ask an aunt or trusted friend or your parents to take him for a night one weekend just to see how he does, but if you want an accurate measure of how he might do, make sure it is someone he knows pretty much as well as grandma.

    My grandma and grandpa babysat me starting at 3 mos when my mom went back to work and I was there for many hours a day. I liked it and I had fun, and I begged to stay in the summer, usually for weeks on end. I never had problems adjusting to new places or sleeping in unfamiliar rooms. That was because I always knew my mom would be back to pick me up. And if I missed her or wanted to ask her a question, I could talk to her on the phone. As long as there was one person I knew that I could stay next to, I was fine. My brother, however, did not stay there or anywhere else in those first couple years. He definitely has a harder time adjusting to new places, beds, and people. He gets homesick very quickly. If your son has never stayed the night anywhere else, and he can't stay the night at Aunt Karen's just one time, I would think the probability would be high that he could not stay at a stranger's house with Grandma and be okay.

    Depending on how all of that goes, and how your relationship is with your mother in law, then you should talk to her next. I would be straight with her. That you would love for your son to have quality time with her, and it would kind of be a "vacation", but you have some real concerns because he is young and inexperienced in sleepovers and unfamiliar homes. Also, I would make her give you her word that you can talk to him every night before he goes to bed (or when he wakes up, or whatever works.) However, I don't think you should call more than once a day because she might think you don't trust her or that you are too attached to him. And honestly, I would probably think that too. Also tell your mother-in-law you are slightly upset because she did not give you time to fully think about letting him go and preparing for it before she assumed he could go and bought the ticket. If you have a good relationship and she is listening and understanding, you might also let her know that her doing that made you lose a little bit of trust you felt for her and it made you feel bad because you are his mother and should have made the decision. The extent that you talk to her and how you address each issue is up to you and depends on both of your temperaments and dispositions, but as long as you are mature, honest, and not condescending or whiny, I would tell her how you feel and discuss the trip with her. If she really cares about her grandson and taking him with her, she will listen to you and try to work it out. You could even include her in on the plan for your son staying the night somewhere else for the first time if you wanted. I hate to say it, but if you do end up letting him go, make SURE you have grandma's cell phone number because cell phones can be tracked.

    I hope in the end you are calm and mature and put everything on the table that you are concerned about. She planned the trip assuming he could go and, therefore, kind of owes it to you to listen to your concerns and wishes while being calm and mature as well. She might be upset as well that you feel like you do, so try to be gentle and understanding. It increases your chances of getting kindness and understanding. I really hope this helps you and I absolutely wish you the best of luck!

  • I think you should let him go this time and take some time for yourself, but be firm in telling your mother in law that next time she wants to take him on a trip out of state for and extended amount of time, she should ask you first regardless of your current situation. After all he is your child not hers. Also tell her that you know she means well, and if they are supporting you financially then she understand where you are coming from, lets face it she is not going to let you and her  grandchildren become destitute.

  • It is hard to let your children go.... I have a hard time letting my children go anywhere for a weekend, much less 9 days. If you think he will be well taken care of and looked after, then you should let him go. If your son does not want to go, then maybe you could talk to your mother in law and let her know that it is your son that is apprehensive and you worry he will miss you etc... Ask your mother in law if she is prepared to leave her trip early should your son really miss you and want to come home OR see if your husband can go pick him up after 3 or 4 days. You will have to make sure that you stand up for what you believe is best for your son without hurting your mother in law's feelings. Good luck and let us know what happens!