I got pregnant by my ex

  • Ok heres my short story,

    I'm 23,and this is my first pregnancy. I got pregnant by my ex boyfriend,we weren't really broken up though,it was a weird relationship. We got together in 2007,and when I first met him he was already a single father of a 2 in half year old girl. He had gotten out of a 4 year relationship with the (mother of his child),and it ended pretty bad. I got a long with the little girl,and loved her very much,i still do. My ex had some issues related to his past of what happend with him,and his ex(babys mom) he was still hurt by the fact that his family was broken up,and couldn't work out. He felt abandoned,and couldn't let his guard down for a long time. I went through a lot just being his girlfriend,and feeling all his pain,and suffering . I treid for the longest to make him forget that past,and be happy,but it was hard. In fact,the break up was so dramatic the childs mother at first did not want to take care of their baby,and she gave up he rights as a parent,and handed her over to my ex to take care of.. Thats what hurt him the most. They were both young when they had her,but yeah it's still no excuse. He had trust issues,and I know deep down he still loved her no matter how bad of a parent she became.  We were bascially a party couple,we went to a lot of bars,and we were best friends,and enjoyed each others company.. Of course we had problems,even bad ones but we somehow overcame them,and always came back to each other. This year I wasnt on any birth control,and he wasn't using any condoms we obvisouly had unprotected sex ,and suprise i find out june 3rd im pregnant . Heres my problem now, when i found out i told my ex,and he was calm about it,but then after a couple of weeks he was harrassing me about it all i heard was " get an abortion" ,and "i want nothing to do with it" . He says he's not ready for child #2,and he's not interested in being a part of this childs life,yet he still wants me coming over to hang out,and he knows im having it,it's his baby. Its weird. Like what do i make of this? Does it sound like ,he doesn't know what he wants? someone please read this,and get back to me..

    Elaine

  • I am going through the EXACT same thing as you. It suckss!!

  • Really?? yes it does suck. Im 17 weeks now,and i would just like a chance,u know? But he is being  alittle jerk about it :(

  • Just give him time..dont push anything on him...if he truly loves that baby he will come around. Trust me ive been there.

  • I went through a similar situation with my boyfriend when I told him I was pregnant.  For the first week he tried to convince me to have an abortion, but I could never go through with an abortion.  I wasn't ready to be a mom, but not about to kill my unborn child because of it.  Not only did he keep telling me he wanted me to get an abortion he also told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me and a week later broke up with me.  Later the same night he called me because he felt trerrible for breaking up with me and he wanted to be with me.  Now i'm 21 and he is 30 and I seem to be the adult in this relationship.  He finally was ok with having the child and our relationship has been better for the most part with the exception of him leaving our first doctor appt to go play softball and missing his baby's heart beat.  I think a lot of him wanting to have an abortion and not wanting to be with me was because he was scared.  Before he meet me he dated a girl for 2 years and at the end of the 2 years found out she had been cheating on him the whole time so he is verry guarded. 

    If what you want is to be with him then i would say just give him some time and don't give up.  If he is scared hopefully he will eventually get over it and want to be a part of the baby's life. 

  • I know first hand what you are dealing with. I found out after my divorce was finalized that I was pregnant. OMG did that hurt me. My ex didnt talk to me for a long time and that hurt even more but all I have done is ask him to support me thru the pregnancy and take care of his responsilbilities to his child and I have to do whats best for myself and my kids. Thats what you need to do whats best for yourself and your child.

  • hey hun.

    im new to the site. im 22 and recently married, expecting my daughter on 11/01. feel free to read my bio to have a better idea of me.

    in regards to your situation, my advice to you would be to just focus on your baby. you've made the decision to be a mother and that is the most important decision of ur life. put the drama to the side because ur baby comes first.  if u want ur ex to be apart of ur childs life, it doesnt mean u have to continue to be with him. trust me, i have dealt with so much drama in my life and experienced a very similar situation. i was with a guy for 6 years, even married him. he had a 4 yr old daughter by the time we married. nothing chnaged. in fact, once we married it was as if he reverted back to his old ways as if he thought i could no longer break up with him due to being his wife. so he took advantage of that. and cheated on me while we were married. it was so pathetic. again, even as a married couple we had drama and we seperated but like u, we kept having this weird 'hanging out'relationship. that never ever ever works.  its unnecessary bs and as a parent, u need to grow up and shed those old habits. if he wants to grow up with u and focus on getting his issues fixed-something u certainly dont have to deal with by the way-then he needs to fix it asap because it has dragged on for too long. meanwhile, he can pay child support. and thats it. if he is too young minded, ur child deserves a better role model. imagine how u feel when u guys r on and off on and off.  ur confused, hurt, scared, uncertain and maybe even feel used or taken for granted or unappreciated.  is this what u want ur child to experience as well? im sure its not. so focus on ur baby and not ur ex. when and if he is ready to be a true dad to his baby, he can come to u and prove with time and actions that he is worthy. if not, then he can just pay child support and u can move on to someone who is owrthy of being ur man and ur childs father. dont settle for less. the more u do, the more ppl like him take advantage.  my ex would victimize himself and use his past hurt to keep girls around so they would handle his bs. ppl like that take advantage of caring ppl like u who want to see them thru but enough is enough. involving ur child is not fair. if u settle for less u wont make room for better.  when it comes to a baby, there is no room for games. i know this is difficult for u,. u love him and love is blind. but transfer that love onto ur baby. if u guys r mean to be, he will find a way to see that happen. if not, consider it a lesson learned n learn how to never end up with another person like him who uses pity to get away with his crap. ppl rarely ever change. he needs to prove he deserves u n the baby in his life. dont put urself n ur baby thru any more emotional torture. there is better out there. trust me. i know this.

  • Thank you so much,that is really helpful. I appreciate all advice,it is hard for me but you're right my baby is first,and I would like to be the bigger better role model for him/her  /

  • Hey Elaine, ironically I am in the same situation as the boyfrined.  When I found out I was pregnant it wasn't the happiest news for me.  My daughters dad and I had not too long ago split up and now that I'm pregnant there are a lot of old issues I don't care to deal with.  And sadly a second child was one of them, but I have since learned to deal with it.  And the same way I got throgh the first is the same way I'll get through the second.  Let him know that you understand his fears of having a second child, because lets face it one is pretty hard to handle.  But be understanding to his concerns but whatever you do, do not let him walk all over you right now.  He knows you're vulnerable, but you're also young and if he wants to be like his ex girlfriend, don't give him the satisfaction of making you miserable like she did him.  He probably just fears you'll leave as well.  Reassure him that this may be the opportunity for the family he wanted, but make it clear you understand, but you're not a target for his anger.  Hope everything works out for you.

  • Yes i totally agree. I think he feels that way too (that i will leave him like she did to him) or something. I'm just not pressuring him,or really saying anything about him being a father. I just need to focus on my baby right?? He called me this morning but i was asleep. He's been acting like a jerk lately,and saying he's going to get therapy for his anger but I dont know if that will change his mind..

  • It is very comforting to know that there are young women just like me out there struggling with similar problems. I am now 37 weeks pregnant with my ex-boyfriends child. This will be his third by three different mothers and my first. I am 24 years old. We dated for 3 years and then were separated for almost two but not really as we were still sexually involved. When I got pregnant it was a very odd situation as neither of us really saw ourselves getting back together or making things work. After some crazy arguments and confusing talks, he finally told me he wants to try to forget about the whole thing so he can go on functioning normally. He has been through a lot with his family and other kids and in some ugly situations leaving him emotionally unstable and he is 10 years older than me. I don't know what is going to happen in the future exactly but at this point I think its best to tell him I don't need him. I just want to do what is best for my son and I have enough support and love from my own family without him. I'm not planning on putting his name on the birth certificate or declaring him the father. I want to protect my child. Part of me still loves him though and feels guilty every day that goes by and we don't talk. It is really tricky and the toughest spot I've ever been in. Just nice to know I'm not the only one...  

  • Hows everything going now??