long time visitor to site 1st time posting

  • I have a 6month old son and I recently watched a friends 3 1/2 month old daughter for the first time.. I have only been around her one time before this.. Well my friend was in a bind an needed some help.. I told her I could keep her sometime when she didnt have anybody for a little while.. Well two days later she asked me to keep her all day.. I was hesitant at first for the thought of having two very young ones..  Ive never done it before and i wasnt sure how well she would do with me..  But I agreed and she told me she would pay me..  Being a stay at home mom I didnt refuse to be payed.. Well I kept her from 9 til 4.. I did pretty good managing both kids but she never attemtped to pay me..  I dont wont to be mean but I was sorta expecting some money..  Its ok if I keep her every once in a while without being payed -thats fine.. I'm just worried she is goin to want me to keep her a few days a week now..  How do I tell her I dont mind to watch her if I get payed? Because I can't do it all the time without nothing in return.. Its alot of work an I praise anyone that has multiples out there!!  I just sort of feel she lied to me...  It sounds horrible but I NEED SOME ADVISE PLEASE HELP! THANKS!

  • For me, it would depend on how close this friend is. I would never charge my very best friend or a friend who I would ask to keep my own children. If it is a more distant friend, then I would just come right out and ask. You might come up with a set fee and let her know what it is. That way she doesn't say "How much do I owe you?" and you get stuck saying, "Oh, it doesn't matter." Because it does. You could say, "I really enjoyed keeping Mary last week. If you need me again, just let me know. I can do it for such and such an hour/day."

  • I think it depends on how common this becomes. If she asks you to do this once or twice a week, then I think you need to be honest with her about how your feel. Unless you're dealing with family or have a close friend with whom you have a schedule with to watch each other's kids, most parents expect to have to pay for others to care for their children. Tell her what you told us, that when it was every once in a while, you don't mind helping out. But if it's a regular thing, then you'd want some kind of compensation.

  • If she said that she'd pay you I would suggest that you bring it up to her.  It's a lot of work to watch little ones all day and if you don't do something now she may try to take advantage of the situation.  It's also possible that she totally meant to pay you and just forgot.  I pay my mom for baby-sitting and I do that quite frequently now that I'm further along with my 2nd pregnancy.  I go to drop my daughter off, I have the money in my pocket and then it just slips my mind between getting out of the car and into the house.  I've had times where I've left and then turned around to take the money back.  Maybe if she forgot she was just too embarassed to mention it later on.

    I'd say that if you two are friends, no matter how close you are, you should mention it to her.  If she was just offering to pay you to be nice and you let her know you expect compensation then she will know she can't take advantage of you.  Also, I think if she planned on returning the favor she probably would have mentioned that instead of offering to pay you.  I hope it all works out.  Good luck!

  • It would depend on the situation for me. Money is tight these days but it also isnt everything. If she asked again I would bring up the subject (especially if she just assumed it would be ok with me). Being a good freind is one thing, but letting a friend take advantage of me - well then they arent really a friend in my book.

  • Thanks guys! I haven't confronted her about the money yet but she has asked me a few more times to keep her... I was sick and told her another time.. I told my boyfriend that I would keep her one more time and if she didn't offer to pay then I would take it as it was and realize that she may be trying to take advantage if me.. 

    I know it is possible that she could have forgot seeing as how I can't remember a thing.. lol.. But I do believe that she could be trying to play me..  We aren't that close of friends.. Her husband and me went to school together and was always close friends with me and my boyfriend.. She didn't live around here and I haven't known her very long, but I was always a friend to her from the start..

    I think I will see how it goes and if the pattern continues then I will confront her about it..  I love kids and don't mind taking care of my son or anyone elses but her lil girl is a lot more demanding than mine and I think it is only fair.. I would agree that if we shared responsibilities on babysitting then i wouldn't expect anything but no one other than my boyfriend, mother or mother-in-law ever keeps my youngin seeing as how I am a stay at home mom...

    I will keep you posted on how it goes..

  • i think ur instinct is right.....you're not a babysitter LOL!! helping a friend out once in a while is no prob. but i think ur totally right. u have to set limits and communicate w/ur friend.

    my sister in law does that to the fam constantly. it gets old! i do get nervous that when i'm holding the little one that her mom'll make a quick getaway!!!! LOL!!!

    good luck. i hope there is no pattern, but glad ur tracking it. hope it works out!