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What am i supposed to do to get my husband more motivated to take care of our baby? He already has a 4 year old and apparently he is doing the exact same amount of work with mine as his other one. I get up every morning, stay up all day feed change diapers play with get ready for bed bathe...so on and so on. He gets mad when i ask him to do something. Says he just doesn't like babies. Well i don't care share the work. I've tried the talk to him approach numerous times. Sure at the time he says he will help more but I have yet to see a difference. He isnt working right now so thats not an excuse. Do any dads out there have any advice?
I dont know if it will help or not (or if you already do it) but maybe set things up in a very ordered format. Maybe premake bottles and food if you can so its easy for him to grab and feed. Or maybe try and take 30 minutes of everyday and go off to a corner but leave him with baby and some toys and try and get him interested in playing with the baby. Good luck no matter what happens.
Ok - I asked my husband what he would say to your post and here is what he said:
"Well, sometimes guys just really don't know what to do with a baby and are uncomfortable taking care of one if you usually do the work and the baby knows you and is comforted by you. When he says he doesn't like babies, he might mean that he doesn't like how they can't tell him what they need or want or interact with him. I was overwhelmed when I was told to just "take care of the baby". What helped me was when my wife would invite me to do some aspect of baby care with her and do it as a team. The more I did things with her as a team, the more comfortable I became with taking care of our baby. Eventually, I was able to do some things on my own because I felt more confident."
Hope this helps a bit! :-)
I'm nearly positive this will not help you, but I had to say something! Dude what a jerk face! He doesn't like babies?? What the heck is that? It's not just a baby it's his child! In life everyone has to do things they really don't want to do! And taking care of your own child seems to be a fairly simple one! Not in any way saying being a parent is simple! I'm a single mom of a 2 month old baby boy. My now ex husband said the same thing pretty much the one and only time he had us over to see his son. You deserve to have a little help now and then! Even if its just one night a week he lets you sleep through the night. one day a month he does the laundry and the dishes and cooks dinner for you! But the one night a week that he lets you sleep seems to me to be a good place to start. He doesnt have to get up to go to work in the morning, where as you do, being a mom is a full time and very demanding and sometimes very stressful job! You deserve a few hours of uninterupted sleep now and then! For me right now that is the biggest deal. Does he respond to threats of punishment? Like if he doesnt pull his weight a little more, then he can sleep on the couch, or you will; wich ever works best for you. Or maybe try family counceling! It may sound extreme, but if he is unwilling to do anything for his child, or for you, perhaps there is something underlying that needs to be brought up. maybe he doesnt know how badly this has to be hurting you! Maybe an unbiased person who can listen to both sides in full and really dig at him for deeper feelings other than he just doesnt like babies. he may be insecure and afraid. Anyways, I'm gonna stop babbling. I hope in some way something I said helps you. I really hope things start to get better for you. God bless
It's hard and everyone is different. My wife and I just had our third baby girl, and she is currently nursing the youngest. It is tough for me to bond with my daughter while my wife is nursing. She is only satisfied on the nipple and it's something I just can;t provide.
As for the other kids, my wife still does the lions share, but I try to do my part. I do cook and shop and probably change about every fourth diaper. One of the problems is my wife asks me to do something, then tells me how to do it differently. It can be frustrating. I consider myself the average dad, and I am sure my wife wants me to do more at times, but frankly, she is just better at it than me.
I agree - he may just not feel comfortable doing those things. My hubby felt very awkward when our twins were born and only participated at first when the nurses at the hospital made him (our preemies stayed 3 weeks in NICU).
I also like this suggestion: http://similac.com/community/boards/search/SearchResults.aspx?u=684793&o=DateDescending
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