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When my sister had her baby 7
years ago, she chose to involve the father of the baby in her life. Since then,
it has been a rough and rocky 7 years full of arguing and turmoil, yet her son
is blessed to have both parents involved in his life. Her friend, on the other
hand, chose not to involve her baby’s father, and as a result, her daughter has
never even met her father. In your opinion, is it better for the dad to be
involved in their child’s life or not? Are there circumstances when it is
better NOT to have a dad involved?
Speaking as a mother with a 12 y/o little girl who has never met her "father", I believe the man should be given the choice to be in the childs life. Yes it will cause problems between both parties but at least the mother gets to tell their child that they were able to put their differences aside for the sake of the child. I gave my ex the opportunity but he chose to walk away.....his loss!!
I am a 35 weeks pregnant with my second child and a new marriage. However my first child will be 11 this month and I left her father when she was only 10 months old and divorced him when she was 4. I gave him the option to be in or out of her life. He said he wanted in, but his actions spoke louder than words. He was not the best dad, but he tried his best. He lives in FL and I lived at the time in NC. Now I am in VA. He calls her at times, sends money and emails, but they are not close. It took a long time for the father and I to be nice to each other, but I had to realize that this thing was bigger than the both of us and not to let my personal feelings interfere with my child and her father's relationship. When our kids are young, they love and adore us. When they are older they began to judge us. She's at the age now where she can see for herself why things happened between her father and I the way it did. I did my best to be the bigger person all the time. I am glad that is around, than not at all, especially now with this new baby coming. But yes a father should be involved.
Im 19 weeks pregnant. I have an 8 year old son from a previous relationship, we split up when he was 5. Luckly we were able to be civil and still are, he is a great father to my son we always try to work our schedules for the best of our son and never argue. On the other hand the father of my daughter now (and father of the third that im expecting at the moment) also had a child in a previous relationship. Sadly his story is completely different. His ex-wife moved from California to Colorado when their daughter was only 3 months. He tries to be there for her but every time he calls they end up in an argument whitch is always started by the mother. And when she visits her family here in California she only gives him a limited amount of time to spend with his daughter. ( e.i. out of 3 weeks she gives him 4 days for 4-5 hours at a time) I do think that the father should be given the chance to be there for the child, and whatever problems the parents have should be put aside! If the father is not there by choice its his loss.
Yes there are circumstances when it is better not to have the a dad involved, prime example the constant fighting. Our children learn how to develop a healthy relationship by watching the parents. I grew up in a home where my parents argued most of the time and when it came time to my issues they were too exhausted or too wrapped up in their own affairs. How is that a healthy environment or positive example if all the child learns from the relationship is arguing.
On the other hand, if each parent decides to put their own issues aside and make an attempt not to argue in front of the children and talk things out then may be yes the dad should be involved. Even finding other alternatives for settling their differences such as writing each other notes that way the child does not have to see them fighting.
I think the father should be givin the chance to be in the child's life but if the father chooses not to be in the childs life then so be it. i am a very young mother 19 yrs old with two boys one is a yr and the other a month old. for the longest i was not with their father but event thogh we were not together i gave him the oppurtunity to be in the lives. being greatful that he choose to be in their lives is great because they will always know who thier mother and father is. because my father walked out on me when i was in the 5th grade and me being a girl i needed a dad figure in my life and not having a father figure lead me to the wrong path. so all in all the father should be givin a chance but like i said its his choice unless the father is doing things that can put the childs life in danger then no the father should not be givin a chance. but as a mother its in your heart if you want too.
In cases like this, everything is different. The only constant is that as parents, you have to put your feelings aside and do what's best for your child. If the father is interested in having a relationship with a child and is in no way a danger to the child, then the right thing is for Dad to be involved no matter the relationship to the Mom.
I think the only time the father should not be involved is if he is abusive verbally & physically. When my daughter was 5 my son was 11. When his dad would come to pick him up she wanted to know when was her daddy coming for her? It was totally heartbreaking!!!! When she turned 6 her wish came true, her dad showed up at our door. Boy! She gave him a major lecture on not being there for her! She said everything I wanted to say. Let him make the choice and let the child see what kind of man he really is.
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