Needy Mom

  • Ok, my baby girl is five months old. My fiance got a new job when she about two months. He loves his co-workers, loves his job, and he's really good at it; I should be super proud of him all of the time, right? He's starting to work late, go to late store meetings, always offer to take shifts for other coworkers, and seems afraid to ask off for ANYTHING...case in point, he didn't even get off of work for our honeymoon, and I found out tonight, after thinking for weeks that he had at least V-day off, that he's working on Valentines Day too. I'm really struggling with being supportive. I'm also struggling with whether or not I should just do my mom thing and stop trying to fit him into the routine, since work always seems to get in the way. How do I root him on for excelling at work and still make it a point the home-time should be a priority?

  • That doesn't sound like a situation that indicates "neediness" on your part. I would probably let him know how proud of him you are and how happy it makes you to see him succeeding at work. I would also tell him that I have concerns that there seems to be a trend developing where his work and home life have become increasingly out of balance. There are some very real costs associated with that lack of balance that could be detrimental to his well-being in the long run.

    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/work-life-balance/WL00056

    http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/go/finding-your-balance-at-work-and-home

     

  • I don't you sound needy - you sound like a mother who needs to have her partner plugged in at home. I would do a bit of what LaraRN said - talk to him about how proud you are of his work ethic, his success, and commitment to providing for your family. Ask him to think about the balance that needs to happen, however. If he is not striking a balance between work and family, all the hard work for family fails because the family is not thriving. Perhaps you can work out a compromise for how often he will pick up extra shifts and the way that he will notify you of his schedule, etc. Hang in there - let us know how it goes.

  • I agree. It is not "needy" to want your fiance to be a part of you and your baby's life. Talk to him about why he is working so many hours. Does he want to provide for his daughter? Is he afraid to lose his job in this economy? There may be many reasons why he is working so much now. If his fears are legitimate..try your best to support him and his desires to support you and your daughter. Remind him of the benefits of balance, but if he needs to work a lot right now to make ends meet or to keep his job, then do your best to help him. There may be ways he can work and spend quality time with his "girls". If he is working on Valentine's Day, then try to go out the night before or the night after and spend some quality time together. If he can't take off for your honeymoon, then try to find a time that he can take off and plan a weekend getaway the two of you will always remember. Marriage is about compromise--for both people. Talk to him and keep the lines of communication open. 

  • i know exactly how you feel except my husband of four years wont keep a job we have two kids a two year old son and two month old daughter he doesntwork clean or help with thekids i find myselfdoing everything on my own i amtwenty so all of my old friends are at a different point in life soi currently have no one to help me through this i would do anything to have some help or atleast someone totalk to about it if anyone has ne ideas please email me at rebelgirl69er@yahoo.com or if u r n a simular sitchuation and just need someone to talk to you can also IM me please feel free at ne time i have been goin thru this for two years now and am tired of nothavcing neone to talk to i stay at home all the time i am here for advice and to help

  • omg this sounds just like my situation my baby is 2 weeks old and im having a problem with the daddy even changing his diaper we have been together almost a yr and he hasnt worked 1 day since yes he helps with things around the house that needs to be done and starting this next week i have to go bk to work yess i know its early after the baby but i have to pay bills some how right and if hes not working well someone has to... if anyone would like to talk my email is connie_williams35@yahoo.com

  • i know wat your going threw and its hard i know....my daughters father does absolutly nothing to help me with her and shez 5 months.....to ask him to make me a bottle is like asking him to give me the world...express your feeling to him you never know it might work.

  • Andrea - so sorry you are having a hard time with your daughter's father. It's overwhelming and so tiring to the be the mother of a newborn. Have you found anything that helps? Perhaps you can figure out some times where he has to step into the fatherhood role more by agreeing to give you one night a week or so off. Hope you are doing okay. Hugs.