Need some advice?

  • I'm new to this site, and I like it a lot. But I need some advice. How do you balance  going back to work and a new baby? My daughter is almost 5 months now and I also have a 7 year old. I started back to work this week and I'm working nights. My husband keeps the girls. But our big bonding time was at night. I would give her a bath and get her dressed for bed then sit in the rocking chair and give her a night night bottle and tuck her in to bed. I really missed that this week. And the baby acts like she's mad at me when she gets up in the morning. Do you think she's really mad or upset that I'm not there to tuck her in. What can I do? Someone please give me some ideas. Cause I have to work.

  • Chances are that you are struggling with this a lot more than your baby is. It is good for the girls to have quality time with their dad and it is a good thing for him to do as well. I worked night shift and my husband had to do it all at home...it was tough at first, but then it was really great because he got to put them to bed and establish his own special bond with them. Look for other ways to bond with your baby and establish a new routine...maybe an early morning routine where you get to rock her and give her a bottle while you snuggle. It is an adjustment for everyone, but it will work out! 

  • jgolden-it sounds like you are grieving the loss of that time with your kiddos. This is a very hard transition no matter how you do it, and part of the healing is acknowledging your feelings and letting yourself grieve a bit. I think that as you get set into your new routine it will be important to build in special time with each child each day. It's going to be different than your previous routine, but you will all grow into it. What can you do to replace that bath and bed time routine? Let me know what your thoughts are, I'm happy to problem solve this with you! Hugs, Jess
  • I feel your pain with your worries and guilt about working. I have to agree with the other moms - you are probably having much more difficulty with it than your baby is. When you feel bad about missing time with them, you can look into each little grumpy morning or cry and interpret it as them being mad at you. Chances are they do miss you but time with Daddy is good too. Try to find ways to replace your snuggle time with them...it's not the same as bedtime, but you can build memories other ways. It will all get better with time!

  • Well the oldest is a daddy's girl anyway. She would much rather be spending time with daddy than me. But the baby seems to be more of a momma's girl. I think the worst part is that I got my tubes tied this time so I'm never going to have this infant bonding time again. And I think its getting to me that I can't have anymore now and on top of it I feel like I'm missing so much. She rolled over for the first time while I was at work the other night. And I hate myself for missing that. Also my oldest is kinda starting to act out and I don't know if its cause of me being gone more or if its just starting to sink in that shes not a only child getting all the attention now or if its just the age shes at. I'm just very beside myself right now, and I fell so guilty for not being there for both of them. Its just very very hard.

  • jgolden-I hope you can feel the cyber hugs coming across the internet wireless!  It sounds like you are really grieving, and that this change is very hard for you.  It's hard to assess through an e-mail, but if you are feeling depressed in anyway I want to you reach out to your physican for evaluation and treatment options. I don't want to infer something that is not there, but  for some reason that came up in my mind as I was reading your post.  That being said, you are going through a lot!  Having a baby and a older child alone is a lot of stress, then a dramatic change in your schedule, loosing time with your kids, and meeting the demands of work-that overwhelms me just writing it out!  As i mentioned in my previous response, when going through change it's often helpful to develop new routines that you can depend on and look forward to.  Additionally, having a sibling act out in a time of great change is very normal.  Even though your older daughter is 7 years old she still may be having trouble vocalizing how the change is affecting her-and acting out is her way of speaking her feelings.  Helping her vocalize what she is feeling will definitely help both of you.  In regard to missing watching your baby meet her developmental milestones has got to be hard.  What I can offer is that there will be many more milestones in the days to come that you will very much be a part of.  You have a lifetime with this baby, as well as your daughter.  That being said it's important for you, just as it is with your older daughter, to be able to vocalize what you are feeling, and find ways to cope with it.  I'm hoping that other members can offer you some insight as to what has helped them in the past.

     

    Please keep posting, we are very much here to support you!

    -Jess

  • JGolden1984 - SO sorry for all you are going through. It is never easy to deal with all the emotions that children bring. Jess_BabyRN has some great comments. I just wanted to tell you that I understand the guilt and difficulty that comes from leaving your child(ren) while you are at work. Although the adjustment process is very difficult, I truly believe your children will continue to bond to you and share special moments with you.

    Just a side note - is there any possible way you can work from home more? There are a few different careers that allow you to do that if you are creative and have a boss who is understanding. Just thought I'd ask. Hang in there!

  • JGolden1984-It's been about two months since you first posted with the tough stuff you were dealing with. I was just thinking about you and was wondering how you are balancing things? I would love to know, and I'm sure other members could learn from your experiences. I hope you are well, Jessica
  • How are you doing balancing your job and motherhood? Are you finding it difficult? Just wanted to see how things were going....