babysitting anxiety

  • Hello everyone! ive only posted a couple times and really i still don,t fully understand how to use these discussion boards! can someone clue me in?:)... Really tho i need some good advice about something else! I had my daughter mar.6th and she is such a beautifle healthy baby!:)Her father and i just love her to peices! She is our first baby:) Anyway, now that shes almost 2mnths my sister keeps bothering to babysitt for us, wich i appreciate,but really i am just not comfortable with the idea.Her and her husband have a history of domestic abuse,as well as serious issues with alcohol, and although she claims that there isnt anymore of that going on in her home,i dont believe it and i dont want to leave my baby there without me.I keep making excuses for not bringing her over, but i know eventually thats gonna get old and im not sure how to address the issue without hurting feelings or causing any hostility.i do love my sister but i cant trust her and i dont want my kid in such a negative enviorment.Can anyone help me out here?

  • Ooo, this is a tough one! You've obviously made the correct decision: your sister should not watch your baby unsupervised. That's got to be difficult to have to face that sort or dilemma. On the one hand, she's your sister and you feel a bond there, but on the other, she poses an unsafe environment for your DD. What it comes down to here is that you are your baby's guardian and protector because she cannot make her own choices or defend herself. Even though you feel bad about possibly damaging your sister relationship, imagine how awful you would feel if something were to happen while your sister babysat! I say you just need to come out and be honest. Don't feel like you're being silly, either. You are being a strong mom (haha -- StrongMom, like the site...) and standing up for your little one. I think that it would be a good idea to meet up with her on neutral ground (Starbucks? Chat over coffee?) and voice your concerns in a non-accusatory way. Now is not the time to argue with her about what she is or isn't currently doing, rather, it's a time to focus on what's best for your daughter. You'll have to come to terms with the fact that it's a good possibility your sister may be offended by this, but the knowledge that your baby will be in good hands should far outweigh your sister's hurt feelings. Don't give in just because you are uncomfortable with her being upset! If anything, you could even tell her that given the fact that your daughter is so young, you're very picky about her childcare providers. Perhaps in time if your sister shows that she really has improved she can have a few supervised play-dates to help you feel more at ease with her babysitting abilities. Until then, though, stand strong, mama! 

  • This is a tough situation! I so agree with Miss Dott on her suggestions, and your number one priority above all else-keep that baby safe. When you focus on that it keeps it really simple. Good luck! -Jess
  • I agree with the other posts to an extent. But if your sister keeps pressing you for reasons, you may just need to tell her the truth. Let her know that she is welcome to visit whenever she wants, and if she wants to do a sleepover at your place she is welcome. But if she continues to ask you to let her babysit your little girl, the truth is she can't be trusted. It may hurt your sister's feelings and damage your relationship, but that's what a good parent has to do. Sorry it's not a prettier solution. Good luck!

     

  • What a stressful situation. I actually agree with AnswerDad01, though. It probably won't be a pretty solution but your sister is going to find out your concerns sooner or later. Just be honest with her - tell her how much you love her but that you cannot leave your child in an unknown situation. Explain how much you want her in your child's life but it will have to be on your terms. I just want to affirm that you are doing the right thing. You will never regret protecting your child and doing right by them. Perhaps this will even spur your sister to make sure her life is emotionally health, even more so than it is now.

  • I agree with Answer Dad...you can only sidestep the issue so long. Your sister has to understand that her actions have damaged your ability to fully trust her and her husband with your child. It may take some time for you to get to that place....until then, your sister will have to just be happy going with you on outings and gaining your trust that way. If you need help with the message boards, I'd be happy to help, but you've already figured out how to start a thread!!! Good job!