Feeling Judged

  • I am also 25, just had my second daughter on Feb 25th and just switched her from BF to formula.  My first was formula-fed because I wasn't able to get her to latch on.  My second was doing ok breastfeeding but she would eat 4-7 minutes at a time and want to eat every 15-20 minutes.  It was taking so much time away from my 2.5 yr old that she was acting out and the whole thing was stressing me out so much.  Also, Bella seemed so gassy and fussy and I was constantly worried it was something I had eaten.  I was so stressed and so frustrated that my husband and I made the decision to switch to formula so it would be easier on and better for everyone.  We just started her on the formula yesterday, not everyone knows yet, but I KNOW there will be judgement because there was with my first daughter.  You just have to tell people that YOU are the Mom and you're doing what is best for you and your baby.  Afterall, Mama knows best :)  I know it's hard but try not to let others get you down because you really do have to do what's best for you and your situation.  It's whatever you're comfortable with.  Giving your baby formula is not a bad thing and it's not bad for him.  He will be 100% fine.  Not everyone who has an opinion has the correct opinion.  And unfortunately the people passing judgement now will continue to do so over and over again.  You just have to remind them that you're the mom :)

  • I understand and feel for you.  With my first child I went in believing that I would BF her.  Unfortunately, she refused.  I consulted multiple doctors and nurses and all were stumped . . . the baby just simply wouldn't do it.  No matter how much I pumped my body wouldn't produce much milk.  So, she quickly became a bottle child.  I felt like I was a failure as a mother.  Based off everything I had read and had been told to me I believed that my child would now be sickly, not as smart, wouldn't bond, etc.  She is now three and I can happily report that none of that came true.  She bonded so well that there are times where I feel a crow bar will be required to separate her from me.  She is very healthy.  And, she is also a smart young girl.  What I learned from the entire experience is that what is important is that your baby is given nourishment and love.  Whether that nourishment comes out of your nipple or a synthetic nipple isn't important.  Don't worry about what other people may say, know in your heart that you are providing for your child and all will work itself out.  I know that there were some moments where I turned to people and explained that  it isn't easy, although it is natural not every woman's body can do it, and there is a reason there used to be wet nurses.  Good luck, you can do it.


  • Hang in there. You sound like a great mom. I formula fed my daughter and she is a very healthy and smart girl. Breastfeeding just doesn't work out sometimes, you shouldn't feel bad.

  • Hi. I am planning on BF and supplementing with formula as well and I know exactly what you mean about the critism and backlash. The best thing you can do is just express to the person that you appreciate thier opinion, but you have found something that works for you and your son. And if they keep pushing the issue, then you just have to put your foot down and say "Look, I may be a new mom, but I'm doing what I think is best. And if you really have a problem with it, then you should just stop bringing it up because nothing is going to change." That's pretty much what I had to do with people I work with to get them to stop. Hope everything works out for you and your beautiful baby boy.

  • Dont worry.... even those that doesnt have kids will tell you what to do. BF is great for your baby's health and for you to recover confidence and great shape too! :). Just don't miss the opportunity to try something that will make you and your baby happy and healthy. Once in a lifetime experience. Good luck and care your baby as your heart tells you :)

  • Hi sweetie. I completely understand where you are coming from. I also decided at first to only breastfeed and then when it came to it, I actually stopped and started doing formula. Yes many people including family attacked me for this saying that formula is not as safe as breast milk and that my child would better benefit from it as well.  Well I use formula and my child is perfectly healthy, we all learn to be a mother from practice and this part of your practice. We are all different and we all have our own choices and opinions. Do not ever doubt yourself, we are all human.

  • For sure!! I guess I"m a little strange - I pumped exclusively and did not put my daughter on my breast at all - it just wasn't for me, but she was still getting breast milk so I didn't see the big deal.  Can you believe when we were still in the hospital the lactation consultant asked me why I was choosing not to put her on my breast? why I was choosing to pump and feed with a bottle?  She told me all the nurses in the nursery were trying to figure out what was going through my head!!  I told her it wasn't really her business what was going through my head. 

    My daughter got breast milk exclusively for 6 months - meaning I spent every lunch hour pumping - and getting up an hour before work to pump so she'd have enough milk to get her through daycare that day - no formula at all,  and I was still judged!   But my little stinker is 9.5 mos. now (and exclusively on formula now) She is happy, healthy, smart - so I must have done something right so far.  I'm a first time mommy and have learned - in 9 short months - People will judge no matter what. Honestly, I started telling people it wasn't their business what I did with my boobies!  Very mature - I know - but what can ya do?

  • Hi there :) OMG you are soooo not alone! I have two children, 5years and 2 weeks old.  I have never breast fed either of them.  I don't bf, because of medications I take.  When people start to lecture me about bfing, I try to explain why I made the choice I did.  There are two problems with that. One: most people look at me cross eyed, almost angry, as if why in the world would I continue taking these medications, if it interferes with bfing?! and two: I shouldn't have to give them a reason AT ALL.  This is MY decision.  And a very personal one at that.  I beat myself up enough over the fact that I feel like my milk is tainted in some way. GRRR this frustrates me to no end! All I can say, is to keep your head up, and stick to your guns.  If someone happens to bring it up as a question, or just conversation, I would simply tell them that they're asking a very personal question, and that your decision is the same, a very personal one.  GL!  -Amanda

  • Your right it is alot harder than is seems this is my second baby and i breast fed my first child breast only for 3 months and my new baby is getting breast and bottle.  I feed her off both breast and she still acts hungry so end up topping her off with 2 oz. This isn't every feeding though sometimes she gets enough.

  • I am one of those who were unable to BF. Because of blood loss at birth, my body shut down milk production (when I pumped, I would get a whopping 1/2 an ounce if that) and people STILL judged me on FF. Made me so angry when I would hear "you just didn't try hard enough" and other crap like that. I felt so useless as a mom until my dad finally pulled me aside and said my job as a mother is to feed my child. However that gets done, it just needs to be DONE. So, I learned to ignore people who would judge me for what I had to do. Just wanted to let you know that not being able to BF still doesn't stop people from judging you. It's really annoying.

  • I completely understand what you are going through! I had my daughter 4 and 1/2 months ago and in the beginning I was all about exclusively breastfeeding. It lasted about 2 weeks once my milk started to come in and then I had to pump and supplement because I wasn't producing enough for her. The lactation consultants weren't able to help me and I was basically on my own. So, I pumped every hour for six weeks straight to get my milk supply up, but it still wasn't enough. People are so quick to judge when they have an easy time and only know one way. They don't realize how immense emotions fly in such a situatin. Don't listen to their comments because ONLY you know whats best for your baby and yourself. You need to take care of you before you can do anything else, and it sounds like you've done just that=0) If anything, you can tell those judgmental ... that your baby is getting enough nutrients that he wouldn't get from breastmilk alone. Thank God for Similac because without it, I don't know where my daughter and I would be today. Good luck!

  • Since when is it anyone elses business to tell you what's best for your baby?  I have 4 children and they have been BF and formula fed and they are all just fine and healthy thanks to God not breastmilk.  I agree that BF is best, but you have to do what makes you and your baby happy.  Smile

  • when my daughter was born i was only 18 my husband 22, our parents could not stay out of our business, i was told i couldnt do this or anything without being judged by everyone, on a hot day i just let her lay on the floor with just her diaper on ( it was the middle of july and our AC was broken) my husbands grandmother came in chewing us out and telling me child services was going to take my daughter for her not being dressed. it was heartbreaking i went home and cried, then at that point my husband told me to relax and at that point we both decided that She was our daughter and no one was going to tell us how to raise her.  It is hard to ignore your parents and your in-laws and all the family and friends that have children "that know better." Now that my daughter is a year and we have a son then ignoring our families has gotten easier.

    He is YOUR son no one elses and you need to raise him how you want to, you may learn that some things are harder then others but if you do it your way then you will have no regrets in the end.

  • Your the mom, and its your choice and by splitting 1/2 and 1/2 you are giving the kiddo the best of both worlds, and so what their getting BMilk from a bottle its still the same stuff and still good for them.  I will say you may be missing out of some of the best bonding "For you only" as the baby sees food coming from whoever is giving them the bottle.  It's just a personal closeness that Mommy and Baby can share that noone else can have.   But don't feel bad one bit about not BF excusilvely BF is a personal choice that only you can make.   And as many healthy babies as their are out there you cant tell me formula is a bad thing.

    I personaly do half and half as mine has gotten to be 4mt's and I can't keep up.  I also know I don't eat as well as I should and the formula gives me a feeling that they are getting some of the good stuff they may be missing out that I can't give. 

  • I am coming into this conversation late but had some things to say. I am a mother to 17 Leah, 15 Joseph, 13 Zachary, 11 Noah, 6 mos Zane and they are all bottle formula fed children who 3 out of 5 have an intelligent IQ and are all extremely healthy and athletic. It is your decision as to how you raise your child and as long as you are not deliberately putting your child in danger it is no ones business. You have to make your own decisions and mistakes to learn and grow. Motherhood does come naturally but it still has a learning curve to it and all the advice you get will equal up to mostly opinions and politics. Feel with your gut and go with what you know is right. Your a great mom to be concerned and I can tell your going to give it all you've got and your child is very lucky to have you as a mom!