Adjusting family

  • 1. I was a single mom of two for a very long time. My older kids who are 11 and 13 are a blessing. Their Dad turned to drugs not long after my son was born and has been on drugs ever since. the kids have not seen or talked to him over  2years now. I am now engaged to a wonderful man who has never had kids but wanted them. We have been together for over a year and the kids love him like a father and he loves them and treats them like his own.He is the best man I could ever ask God for. 

    2.Now, there is another chapter to this life.  We are now expecting a baby boy in April.  I have been stressing out how this is all ging to work out, my fiancee' keeps telling me that it will all work out and stop stressing. We live in a 3br 2 bath home and going to need another room and there is no way to add onto the house.  I know that a baby will more than likley be in our room for now but need another room before the year will be up.  There is no option for the kids to room together either, because one is a girl and the other a boy and they are about to hit teenage years(Oh Lord Help ME!!).

    3. My question to all you parents out there is how do you do it with having much older kids, a new husband, me not working after the baby is born and how do I juggle all this without dropping the ball?  Of course I will have my soon to be husband helpng every step of the way with all three kids,but I am just in a panic cause this is all going to be new to me again and I dont wont to neglect any of the kids or husband once the baby comes and how did your older kids adjust to the new arrival? Any advice will be most helpful.

    Thank you

    Worry Wart

  • Jill4Jamey-

    You made me smile signing your post "worry wart", to funny.  I can understand your concerns, and it sounds like you try very hard to keep everyone happy.  I think that one of the factors that has the most positive effect on relationships of any kind is really clear communication.  Is there a way that you can tal k to your husband and tell him what your worries are?  If he doesn't now that you are feeling this way than there is no way that he can help.  Also talking to your older kids about how things may change, what they can do to help and how you are going to take individual time with them, so that they know that your love for them won't change.  Some families have a family meeting every week to discuss how things are going and any concerns.  It's also good to plan something fun at the meeting.  

    I think you will do just fine, just keep that communication open!

    -jess

  • It is stressful anytime you add a new baby into the mix, but trust me when I tell you that it will work out. Your soon to be husband is right! While the new baby will sleep in your room for a while, you may want to look into what other parts of your house could possibly be turned into a nursery or a teenage room. If you have a finished basement, could part of it be turned into a teenage room for your daughter or son? If not, then there is no harm in having the baby share a room with one of your children. Kids are not necessarily entitled to their own rooms and while it is nice, they will adjust accordingly. Don't fret though..when this baby comes, everyone will be so in love that they will do whatever it takes to make it work!

    Good luck and Congratulations

  • First of all, congrats on your little one on the way. :-) Such a blessing and I'm so glad you have a stable, loving man in your life. Sounds like this is all a huge change for you, even if it's a positive one. It seems to me that you are someone who loves your family very much and wants them all to be happy. While this is wonderful, you can't possibly make everyone perfectly happy all the time. It's too much pressure! Focus on just giving your kids some one on one time here and there, scheduling some dates with your man now and then, and loving on that baby. They will all have to take care of themselves to an extent and can't rely on your for every happiness. As far as rooms in the house go, can you possibly turn any area of the house into a room for one of your other kids or the baby? An office? A basement? If you can't, consider finishing off a corner of your bedroom into a little area for the baby for now. Google some design blogs for how to make nurseries in tight spaces. Lots of people have to do it. :-) Maybe you could eventually figure out how much it'd cost to add on to the house if you really need a separate room. It'd be cheaper, I bet, than selling the house in this economy and looking for another. Hang in there! Most of all, you have a lot of love in your house and a stable family - that will go a long way. :-) 

  • Thank you,

    I think I will have to explain more to the kids in order for them to be ready. As for my Hubby, he is a great listner, I think I just have a hard time speaking on how I feel sometimes.

    Thanks Again