7 year old with a new one on the way!

  • I am currently pregnant with my 2nd child.  While we weren't necessarily trying we were'nt preventing so this is a happy announcement.  I had a discussion with my husband over the weekend and am not sure I understand his reasoning.  Any insight you all can give would be great.  I want our older son to be at the delivery or at least at the hospital since I have to have a c-section.  We talked about having to take him out of school because the baby is due in mid to late August.  My husband said that he shouldn't have to be out of school and that he doesn't know why he should be at the hospital that day until after school is out.  Am I being unreasonable to want this?  How do I approach it with my husband again to make sure we are not just crossing wires.  This is a big thing for our son as he has been an only child for 7 years and now will have to adjust to having a baby brother or sister and I want him to get to be a part of the whole process.  Thanks everyone for your help.

  • I think that it would be best if your 7 year old was not there. I agree with your husband. I have a four year old and I just recently give birth to my second child this last August of 2011. I did so thought of having my child there but when we were there I was concentrating more on myself, with my husband having all his attention on me, there was no room for him. He can become a distraction to you both. The the mood of irritation will be there. I left my four year with my parents while until I was ready to have him there, and for the two days that I was at the hospital with my newborn, it was relaxing and time for yourself until you finally get home to the two kids together tag teaming you. You will be grateful for the extra time.

  • Congrats on your little one. :-) I understand your excitement in wanting to share the big day with your son and make sure he feels included. I also understand your husband wanting to just focus on the new baby and not interrupt your son's day when he can't really go be a part of the C-section anyway. My suggestion to you is to maybe try to find some common ground. Consider having a family member get your son part way through the day after you have had some time to recover and let some of the drugs wear off. That way your son still is a part of the big day but your husband also gets to focus on you and the new baby. A designated person to help watch and transport him will take the load off of his shoulders. Just a thought - hope you can come to an agreement that works for both of you! 

  • I think a 7 year old baby can now understand the situation if you bring him. But don't forget him, just make sure to balance your attention. Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • I think that you two know your 7 year old best, and it is worth bringing it up again when you two have time to talk.  I think that the main thing is that he knows that although things are going to change, your love for him will not change.  Having time set aside for special time with him will be important after baby is home (it's important before then too!).  Let us know how things are going.

    -jess

  • Thank you all for your replies.  Your insight is very helpful.  As of right now I think the biggest thing that will dictate whether our son is there or not is if he is in school.  My mother-in-law, who is a saint may I add, don't know how I got so lucky is trying to help me make the decision too.  If school hasn't started I am sure he will be at the hospital as all of the grandparents will be there and that's who watches him when we are not home.  If he is in school then we might have to rethink it.  He is excited about the baby and likes to look at the ultrasound pictures but I'm not sure he really is getting how things are gonna change.  He has seen his favorite cousin go through the same thing but at a much younger age.  We haven't let the pregnancy change anything that we normally have done for the last seven years.  We still planned and are going on our annual visit to the waterpark, just taking a couple others with us to help him enjoy it.  He will still get to play baseball and all of the other sports that he wants too.  I'm trying to make the transition as easy as possible for him.  We don't really talk much about the baby with him right now.  He does however enjoy announcing it to everyone that he meets :)

    Thanks again for the replies and any additional tips would be great!