Split Family

  • I have a 8 year old from a previous marriage. I recently got married and I have a 3 month old. My 8 year seems to be having a harder and harder time dealing with his parents not being together. He now crys more about the fact his parents are not together and does not understand that we can not be together. His dad lives about 5 hours away and mostly he see's my eight year old during the summer, spring break and we alternate holidays. He does drive down for a weekend here or there to see my 8 year old participate in a sport or school activity. His dad and I have a good working relationship about co-parenting and splitting time with our son. The issue I am having in lately my son crys more and more after he comes back from his dad's house that he wants to spend more and more time with him. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure if it is that I have a new baby at home the fact that I remarried or both. I included my son in the decision to date again and remarry and he was happy about it. Now I am not so sure. He is a loving child with his little sister but now he just crys and crys for his dad. ;( my current husband also is loving and carrying with my son. And my ex husband and my current husband are cordial towards each other. So not sure what to do. I need help with this.

  • All you can do is your best... it is a complicated situation that many families face. It will always be tough on your son, and maybe he is just beginning to really grasp the reality of the fact that his parents will not be together. It must be gut-wrenching for you, but in the short-term, try to talk with him about it and just do your best to maintain what sound like a healthy family dynamic despite you and your ex not being together. Good luck and I hope this helps.

  • Talk to your pediatrician about resources in your community that may help him adjust to his new "family situation". There may be counseling programs or divorce groups that you and your son can attend. Getting him to talk about his feelings is the best way to help him process them and it will give you some insight as to what he is feeling. Even though your new husband is loving and caring for your 8 year old, your son may see a real difference between the way he acts towards him and his "biological baby". This difference, even slight, may be making your child anxious. Maybe he feels like this "new baby" is going to replace him in your husband's eyes and in yours. As a result, he is naturally trying to cling to his real father. In any case, keep talking to your child and assure him of your love and his place in the family. Let him know how important he is to you and your husband and make a real effort to spend some time with him 1 on 1. Good luck!

  • It has been tough as my son is making him self sick over missing his dad. If I ask him any question he just cries and cries for his dad. This is a very upsetting situation. But I am considering taking him to see someone before it gets worst.

  • Good for you. Sometimes a professional counselor or psychologist can really help pinpoint exactly what the troubles are. Then you can target these areas and help your son heal. The sooner you get help for him and yourself, the sooner you can all settle into being a "big happy family". Good luck and let us know how it goes. I know that there are probably plenty of other moms in your situation who would benefit from your advice. Thanks for sharing.

  • I also think it would be a great idea to talk to his school counselor. S/he might be a great resource for helping him feel better at school and also to direct you to resources in your community. That might be a really great starting point.

  • So far it has been the hardest week of my life. I am not really sure why my son would be reacting to the separation of his parents 5 years after the fact. Something that we have tired so far is keeping him busy my family has been very supportive with this and showering him with love. Another thing we just used last night was skype. He was able to see his dad and his dad was able to see him on the camera. It seems to be getting better but the minute he has time to think he is back to a river of tears. I am considering speaking to someone at his school and or friends I have that could refer me to a good counselor in the area.

  • I think you are making a great effort to try everything and anything, and the parents who gave advice all have great things to say. I think Strong moms was a good place to turn. Good luck to you and your family.

  • Maybe the baby's arrival has brought up some feelings he didn't realize were there before. Poor little guy. I hope you're able to get some local support for him quickly. It's so hard to see our kids hurting.

  • He has been doing better. I did talk to someone at the school that I felt would be able to help and that has been great. His dad and I are also working on making it easier for him. I normally have a schedule of when my son goes to sleep. No later than Nine. It does not always work out with his dad who lives in a different state and time zone. The skype has been really helpful. He is able to talk and see his dad in real time. My son has been doing better. As a mother I sometimes feel so stretch for time and attention. I work full time, take my son to his plan activites, spend time with my daughter and in between all that I am trying to finish my master's. Next time I will try one thing at a time. Do not get me wrong my husband is very helpful but his job is very demanding at times and he does not have a set schedule all the time.

  • I'm so glad to hear that you've managed to find a couple of things that are making it easier. It's really hard to sometimes to feel good about our routines when our lives are so busy. Take time to care care of yourself too - I think kids pick up on it when mom feels frazzled.  ((((HUGS))))