How can I give everyone equal attention?

  • Hi I am having my third child in June. I already have a four year old and a two year old. As the weeks go by, and I get closer to my due date (July 1st!), I wonder how my two older kids will handle this process. I also wonder what I can do so that no one feels left out. Any advice?

  • WOW! You are a busy mama!  Congrats on the third baby, and sending positive thoughts for a healthy pregnancy and delivery. :)  

    As far as the younger children there are lots of things that you can do to include them.  First it may help to start talking about the baby now, and about being a big sister/brother and how important this job is!  I think that once the baby is born there will be a few weeks when they may not get as much attention as you will be healing, and have a very new one at home.  It might help to set up- some special experiences for the sibs during this transition time.  Maybe grandma or family friends can do some special activities with the sibs.  I also think that having a planned time that is the same every week that is just time for you with one of then and then you with the they know they have planned, blocked out mommy and me time.  This will be important even after everyone has adjusted to the new baby.  I think it's important to know that YOU don't have to do it all.  Special time with Daddy will be equally important as well as family traditions that stay stable throughout childhood.  Some families have game night every Wednesday night (once they are older may work), then something else on Saturday afternoons-it's having a plan that is consistent and reliable that will help the most.  Please plan in some mommy time as well as you will need to rejuvinate yourself or you will really feel the stress.


    Best wishes to you and please keep us in the loop, i'm sure it would be very helpful to others to know how to dealt with this and how it went.




  • Congrats!! How exciting to have your third on the way! A lot of parents wonder how they can possibly give equal attention to each child after the first one. I'd just like to say you probably realistically won't be giving equal attention to them on any given day. I think some days different kids will get more attention than on others. The best you can do is try to balance it out a bit. I like some of Jess_BabyRN's ideas with creating special outings for them and Daddy time when the baby is especially little. Perhaps you can pop some popcorn and put on a movie and snuggle for some time with you when baby is young as well. Going to the park and things where you can easily put baby #3 in a stroller and go along will be some good ways to hang out with all of them. Try to keep to a bedtime routine and at least sing a song or tuck them in at night - a little bit of individualized attention will help a lot. Finally - perhaps get each of them a little gift from their new baby brother/sister! This might help them feel more inclined to see the baby in a positive light. Let us know how it goes!

  • We have a 3 1/2 year old, a 2 year old and a baby who is almost 5 months. Like you, we worried about how the adjustment would be. So far, so good. I agree that it will be difficult to give them equal attention. In our case, we try to make sure that each child has some alone time with the parents on occasion. However, our two older girls have embraced and truly love their little sister. We have looked at it that any short term difficulties will be more than compensated by the fact that our girls will be best friends for life. Do your best and don't ever expect any part of parenting to be perfect, Good luck and congratulations.

  • Mama-Just wanted to check back and see how things are going for you. You have been in my thoughts so hoping you'll take a minute to update us! :) Jess