Dealing with Grandparents and Pregnancy

  • When my husband and I found out we were pregnant we were really excited. I knew my parents would have a different feeling and their reaction was less then ecstatic. I dreaded telling them because they kept telling me I’m too young and they are too young to be grandparents. I’m 26 and my mother is 62 so I don’t think either one of us could be considered too young! My husband’s side of the family is really excited but they are 9 hours away and we can’t share this exciting time with them as easily. My mother gets all excited about children of friends but not her own daughter’s first pregnancy. She hasn’t shown much interest in this baby’s life at all by asking about things like movement, ultrasound pictures, or to see the baby’s room. My grandmother is extremely excited but I can’t seem to get any support from my mother. Everyone I talked to said it will get better with time and once they see the baby they will change and be really happy. I’m 31 weeks and I’m starting to get nervous that when this baby gets here it will still be the same awkward situation. I’m afraid that our relationship will get in the way of the relationship with this child. Is there anyone who can give some suggestions or been in a similar situation and want to share their story?

  • I'm sorry your mother is acting like this. I had to laugh that she thought 62 was too young to be a grandparent. Big Smile

    I would make the most of the other grandparents' excitement. Your mom may get better, but if she doesn't there just isn't much you can do about it besides talk to her.

  • Hi.  Congratulations on your pregnancy!  I also had to laugh that your mother thinks you are both too young.  Does your mom like a good laugh?  If so, you may want to share with her the article on the following website:  http://www.saga.co.uk/homeandlifestyle/relationships/family/becoming-a-granny.asp  

    It’s an article I shared with my mother (although we didn't have problems), just because it was kind of funny, and she really enjoyed it.   Sharing the article sends her the message that you’re thinking of her and her role in the baby’s life, but through humor (although, it all depends on her sense of humor if she will enjoy it).

    A second idea is to do one-off or occasional group updates.  This is what I did for both sides of the immediate family, just make it a group email saying Hi family, this is where we are at in the pregnancy (or after the birth), attached is a pic of the nursery, etc.  Everyone liked that, even family members like the grandfathers-to-be that I didn’t think would be all that interested.  That would make your mom feel more involved and also hopefully realize she is not the only one about to become a grandparent!

    Failing that, she will almost certainly feel excited and closer to the baby once it arrives.  On the plus side (and I know it’s not much of a consolation), looks like you don’t have to deal with the opposite problem of an overbearing mother, which I’ve heard can be pretty bad.  Good luck with everything!  Hopefully it will all work out in the end!

     

  • Thank you to both for responding. It helps to hear from outsiders that reiterates the way I feel about the situation. Keep the suggestions/stories coming!

  •    Well Im sorry that your mom thinks that 62 is too young to be a grandmother... But I'm 21 and my mother is 44 and she's a new grandmother.  She wasn't excited that I was pregnant at first but once she saw her granddaughter she did everyhing she could do to help me my first 6weeks and she still does help alot. Sometimes my mother calls just to hear my daughter coo.  Actually seeing a baby has a tendency to change people and at the end of the day you're her daughter and your mom will learn to adapt the thought of being a grandparent and everything will be fine...