19, pregnant, and scared...

  • My name is Madi. I am 19 years old. I turn 20 in three months, and three months after that, I have a baby. Writing this makes me want to cry because it would be the first time admitting that I am scared. Half my family doesn't even know I am in a relationship. Ever since my boyfriend and I have been together I haven't found the courage to tell them. He is older and that has a lot to do with it. I know how they will react. Probably the same way my mother did. I know they will always love me. I just don't know how to tell them. And now, now I am three months pregnant. And it is such a beautiful thing. And I wouldn't give it up for the world. But now I also get to tell my family I am pregnant. And I know I need to. The longer I put it off the harder it's going to get.

    I am so scared that by the time my due date even comes around, I will be alone. And a single 20 year old mom. People have asked me if I had thought about adoption, and honestly yes I have and I just can't do that. I don't know what I hope to get out of posting this to a bunch of people I don't know. But I know I can't be the only one in this position. I suppose I may be looking for support, because I don't need answers. Or maybe I just needed to get it all off my chest. Which is flaming with heart burn.

  • Hey madi congrats for your pregnancy! In my opinion its the time to tell everyone about ur pregnancy. I was 19 just like you when i was pregnant with my baby who is 3 months now. Dont worry you can do. Its your baby, not just you would Take care of him, you would like that. Being a mom is really a noce job.... Hope that helps :)

  • I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much fear and anxiety during your pregnancy. First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy...it is a wonderful thing. Whether or not you were ready for this pregnancy, take comfort knowing that this baby is supposed to be here. You need to tell the father of the baby as soon as possible and give him time to process the information. He may not be as upset as you suspect. Give him the space and time he needs to deal with the fact that he is about to be a father and then tell your family. They will need time as well, so don't expect everyone to be "on board" instantly. In time tough, you may find more people in your corner than you suspect. Surround yourself with people who will support you and read as much as you can about being a mom. Talk to your doctor about single support groups for new moms and about the resources you may qualify for, such as WIC. You can do this...and we are here for you here at Strong MOMs. Good luck and let us know how it goes. 

  • Thank you for your support, and to let you know, I have already told my boyfriend. He knew from the beginning. It's my family I am concerned about. They don't even know about my boyfriend. Well my mother does but she's not the only one to tell. She doesn't approve of my relationship. She isn't a big fan of my boyfriend. Mostly cause he's a bit older than me. Not that she has much room to judge. Age has never mattered to me. It's maturity and love. 

    However, the reason I am afraid I will be a single mother is because he has been having second thoughts about being with me. And although he tells me he loves me, I know he's been thinking about something very serious lately and I'm 99% sure it's about leaving me.

    I just feel so alone on my end. And with no one to share this with except a community board on a website. Even though I know I'm not the only one in my situation. 

    Lately I have been having thoughts about adoption. It saddens me to think about it though because even though I have only seen my baby through an ultrasound and I don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl yet..he or she is still my little jellybean and I already love my baby. I just wish this had happened when I was older and a bit more prepared. Although I suppose that life doesn't work that way.

  • Madi - I'm so glad you found your way here. Sometimes being able to post to people you don't know is very freeing because there are no personal relationships on the line and no preconceived notions. If I could give you a big hug, I would. The anticipation and anxiety of telling your family is absolutely crushing. I know it's so much easier said than done but it'd be good to just get it out and get it over with. The sooner you can just move on to dealing with their feelings and emotions, the better it will be. Maybe you can write a letter that they can read while you are sitting there if it's too much to say. 

    As far as keeping your baby goes, listen to your heart and just do what is right for you. You would not be the first young mom to not know what all is going to happen and how things will go for her if she keeps her baby...you seem like a very intelligent and well spoken young lady. I think you will do quite well, even when things are tough- keep your head up and keep us updated on how things go for you. Hugs. 

  • The same thing happen to me but you have to tell your family ...there probably gonna get mad but there gonna be over it...when the baby comes there going want to carry your baby in love your baby so much :)....dont be scare because your baby can also feel it... just think things threw .....like my parents say theres never a right moment just tell them......i wish you and your baby the best ...

  • I am sorry that you are going through all of this...and I mis-read your initial post about not telling your boyfriend. I am glad he knew from the beginning because it would be so much harder to tell him as well as your parents now. I sincerely hope that you and your boyfriend can get through this difficult time and that you can do what is best for you and your growing family. Adoption is a wonderful option for women who aren't sure they are ready to be a mother, but it is not for everyone. You may want to go to an agency and find out information about it before you make any decision regarding adoption. It may be something that you want to consider even more than you thought and there are plenty of "open" adoptions out there that will let you be a part of the baby's life. That being said...if you do choose to keep the baby, then you need to develop a support system. Talk to your doctor and see if there are support groups out there that you could join and then tell your family. They may not all be supportive, but some of them will be. We are all here for you too--even though we are just a message board,  I hope we can help ease your fears even a little. Good luck and let us know what you choose to do and when you do tell your family.  

  • Hey mandi my name is latisha and im also a young expectant mother im 22 im a unsteady relationship with my boyfriend we are on and off but he is supportive but its getting better. i was nervous to at first to tell my parents.. my thought was they were goin to hate me  or disown me but after i told them and i got their reaction it was a huge stress off my shoulders and they are bein really supportive. your goin to need that support. you tell them when  the time is right and youll feel alot better. Now with your descision to keep the baby, when i first found out i weighed  every option even abortion and i knew how i was and i couldnt deal with abortion and with adoption im carrying it for 9 months im keepin it. so i decided of the option of parenting. im 15weeks preg. and im still nervous its a big change.  Hope that helped ease a lil bit of stress knowing your now alone!!

  • Congratulations on your baby... I hope you can see that although it is a group of strangers on the site, people on Strongmoms take the time to read and show their care to young moms. My concern is if you are getting prenatal care? If you not telling your family is keeping you from seeing a doctor to make sure you are on the right path. Admitting you are scared is a tough first step, but it is time you told people, dealt with the fallout and gotten the support you need. Good luck! 

  • Hi Madi. I understand most of your concerns.  I had my first child when I was 21 and in my junior year of college.  Where I found my initial support was my best friend, she talked to me every single day and called just to check on me.  I was SO afraid to tell my parents and family but I eventually did and boy was it a blessing.  I was so prepared for them to be mad and and upset but I totally got the opposite reaction.  My parents didn't care for my then boyfriend (now husband) but they knew at that point it was nothing that they could do.  I just want to say to you that you can be a very good parent even if you have to do it as a single parent.  I did it for 3 years and by no means is it easy but with a support system of friends or family that can be in your corner to help out will be a blessing to you.  Also, I'm not sure if you are in school or anything but know that having a baby DOES NOT mean that you have to give up your life. Things will have to be differently but complete school or go to school, no one cares if it takes 4 years or 10 years.  Continue to pursue any dreams that you may have.  This is what I did.  I had my daughter the first day of school starting of my senior year in college and I continued until I was finished in 9 months.  I've also completed my master's program while having two kids home.  I am now expecting number 3 and this is it....no more kiddos for me.  I wish you the best of luck in everything. 

     

  • Okay first, I would like to thank everyone for all your support, comments, suggestions and more. I really appreciate all of if. I looked forward to seeing what advice people would give me everyday. Since my last post, I have told my family about my boyfriend (one step at a time) and my next appointment is October 1st. I am hoping I will be brave enough before then to start telling people about my little Jellybean. Starting with my mom. Right now I find it to be the wrong time to tell the other side of my family as we are dealing with some stress of watching my Grandmother fade. 

    I have also had a sit down with my boyfriend and we talked everything out. We plan on staying together and finding a bigger place to live. We plan on staying together and my suspicions of him wanting to leave me were wrong. I suppose that's paranoia at it's best. We want what is best for the kids (our little jellybean and his daughter who is very attached to me).

    So in other words we also decided we are going to keep our little Jellybean and we are hoping for a girl. I may be 19 but as of right now, I have a great job that I am moving quickly up the career ladder in, I plan on starting college the beginning of the year and getting my basic AA so I can attended fashion school. I want to make a good life for my baby. I may be young but so was my mom, and she did a good job. 

    No one ever said life was easy, but I was always told I can do anything I wanted, as long as I pursued my dreams. And pursue I shall.

  • Hi Madi. I'm twenty and I'll be twenty one when my baby is born (maybe even on my 21st birthday). I'm nervous and anxious too. I had a panic attack when I was trying to figure out how to tell my boyfriend. It went better than I thought but I made sure to prepare myself for the worst reaction so that I would know what to say and do in response. I knew my parents would be concerned like I was but probably not mad, and that was what happened. A few other family members know but not the whole gang yet so I am nervous for that too. I understand your worry but I think it is best to get it off your chest so that you can move forward. The longer you wait, the less time you have for your family to come around to the idea and the longer you will go without support that you need.

  • heyy well i am 18years old and pregnant wif my 2nd baby...the first time i was pregnant i was scared also...but when you are in labor you dont realy feel scared anymore...you just feel lik you wunt the baby out already lol...well my mom didnt want me to b wif my now husband...she didnt lik him and tried everythng to keep us away from each other....then i found out i was pregnant wif r first baby...she was mad....i though that she would do everythng to keep him away and me b stuck single wif a baby...but i gess i just loved him to much...when my family found out sum stoped talkn to me and sum were mad...but now that i look bak im happy wif him and are 10month old baby gurl and now we are havvn another one my due date is oct.21. me and him been togethure for 4years....just have faith and thnk abou your little baby...its up to yu to choose adoption...but do wuts best for the baby

  • Madi - glad to hear you are working through things with your boyfriend and making plans for the future. Sounds like you have a lot to look forward to in life, especially being a mother. :-) I'll keep you in mind as you look for a way to tell your family. Also thinking about your grandma at this time - what a hard thing to go through. Hang in there. Hugs. 

  • Glad to hear that you feel confident... even the tone of your post was one of a strong young woman who realizes the responsibility she now has. Continued good luck and Strong Moms is always a place you can use for support, advice or just a place to vent! Also, good luck to all of you young moms who are expecting. Being a parent is the greatest thing you will ever do and nobody is perfect, so just do the best that you can everyday.