Who should be in the delivery room with my fiance and I???

  • Looking for any advice on who should be in the delivery room when I give birth… I have 2 sisters, my mom and fiancé’s mom who want to be in the room. I really don’t want anyone watching (even my fiancé), I’m just uncomfortable with everyone seeing everything. Being at my shoulder is fine. I think I want only my twin sister in there for support. My older sister is adamant about being in there, my mom is respectful if I don’t want her in there, and my fiancé’s mom is jealous if she’s not in there. Honestly, there’s no chance I want her watching! Especially over my family. Oh, and I’m not even sure if my older sis and mom will make it to hospital in time for the delivery because they live in NY. So, my dilemma is this – My fiancé only wants it to be us in the delivery room because he wants to only share the birth with me, and I want to respect his feelings. He is fine with my twin sis being there though. I would love to share the experience with my family and see their reactions, but I’m really still undecided. Any input would be SO appreciated…

  • I was in the same situation. My fiance wanted it to be just us and i wasn't entirely confortable with having anyone else in there.. it's a very personal and vulnerable moment when you give birth and not at all flattering. Inevitably it was just us, my doctor, the nursing team, and some interns. In reality that room goes from spacious to very tight in no time flat. and once you are ready to push everything happens very quickly and before you know it that baby is laying on your belly screaming and you are crying and trying to catch your breath after that marathon of pushing. I couldn't imagine having more people in the room it would definitely be too crowded and distracting for my comfort. there is nothing on this earth that is more personal or precious than bringing that life into the world. For us it boiled down to us wanting to have that moment to ourselves. and that's something that you and your fiance is going to have to decide on your own. even if you don't allow anyone else in the room as soon as they get to meet the baby they're not going to care.

  • First of all, make sure your doctor is OK with so many people being in the delivery room before you invite people. Five people seems unsafe to me, but your Doc should decide that. In my opinion, you should respect your fiance's wishes, but if he agrees, I think your twin should be there if you need support. I would tell everyone else that they will get to see the baby a few minutes after birth. Congratulations!

  • I agree with the others--labor and delivery is a private moment and not a circus event. It is also difficult for the doctors and nurses to do their jobs when there are so many people hanging around. You could tell people that it is okay to visit while you are in labor once you get some pain medication, but that when the delivery starts you would like it to just be your fiance or twin sister. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  • my mother in law was in the room when I delivered, and honestly, if I could have a do-over it would just be my fiance and I!

  • I echo the other people responding  here and would add that your family members really do need to respect your wishes. If they are pushing you and making you feel bad about your decision, just set good boundaries and tell them that this is a huge life moment that is sacred between you and your fiance. You really don't need to put yourself in a situation that you feel uncomfortable in when you are doing something as major as delivering a baby! Stay strong! 

  • hello my name is carriel and i thank the only person should be in the delivery room .........is the mother of course...the father and the grandparents.......this is also my first pregnancy as well....i deliver in two more months on feb 26Big Smile

  • In addition, you are setting a precedent for the future of your relationships. Make sure as mother and father you are in control of the situation and don't let relatives tell you how to raise your baby and live your lives. It may not seem complicated now, but you want your relatives to know that they need to respect whatever decisions you and your fiance are making in every aspect of your baby's life. Relatives, no matter how well meaning, have a way of inserting themselves in decision making even if not asked.

  • I was 18 when I had my first daughter and the father and my mother were both in the room with me. Others asked to be in the room but I didn't want so many people telling me what to do and when to do it (my family members don't agree about anything). I had a plan set up betwween my sister and mother that the doctor was okay with. She stood outside the door and was allowed to keep it cracked just enough to hear what was going on. The curtain was pulled so she couldn't see me but could hear the baby cry when she came out. Also, if I wanted people in the room to make a switch, she would hear me to go get that person as another person left the room. This way I had the people I wanted at that moment and the room was never crowded. Good luck! And many hospitals are very flexible about different birth plans as long as you talk to them ahead of time. 

  • I want to support setting some limits-this is your body and your delivery, you should decide who is in there.  Get whatever family members that you feel comfortable talking to about this help you set and maintain those limits.  Be strong!

    -Jess

  • I want to thank everyone very much for your replies and advice!!! I definitely don't want a crowded room and to feel even more overwhelmed by the "circus" of people. And as noted, they may not even let that many people in. AnswerDad03 makes a very good point that this will set a precedent for future relationships and it is very important to us to know we are in control, and showing that from the beginning is necessary. At this point, I really am just leaning towards my fiance and my twin sis being in there. Everyone else will just have to understand. My fiance is very set on it just being us (and my one sis) and as the father I do have to respect his wishes too, and his should come first. Again, thanks to everyone for taking the time to respond.

  • Awesome! I think you are making a great choice! :-)